Engagement ring debate?

Question

This was a topic of discussion among a few friends the other night. We have a friend who was divorced and turned her 2.5 carat, high-quality, engagement ring into a right hand ring. She added smaller diamonds and other gemstones and it is beautiful. She has worn it every day since.

Now, she is getting close to becoming engaged again. Her new b/f makes considerably less money and could not afford a ring like that. She doesn't want her right hand ring to outshine her engagement ring.

Should she retire the right hand ring?

Or....

Would it be okay for her to give it to her new fiance to trade in? Would it be improper? They have already merged finances anyway.

Or...another suggestion? She doesn't want to sell it because you get so much less than the value. I don't think her b/f would care what she did, but sher wants to "downgrade" or get rid of the right hand ring before the proposal.

What do you all think?

She was married for over 8 years and divorced for like 3 or 4 years! No unfulfilled promises to consider.

The issue is financial and the feelings of the new fiance, plus what is proper or improper.

SHE refuses to wear a 18K right hand ring when HE will likely buy a 5K ring. Her words...her feelings, and I think that part is respectful.

She would not wear the same diamond, the whole thing would be traded for something new.

Lots of great answers though.

Answer 1

Remove the diamond from her right hand ring, and put a ruby or sapphire in in it.

And then use the diamond to finance the engagement ring or other jewelery.

Answer 2

I have a beautiful family ring that has a diamond that is bigger than my engagement ring. My now-husband commented that he couldn't get me something that big. What I did was to temporarily retire the ring. Anyway, for now it's the engagement ring everyone wants to see. So, put it away for a while, then after the period of "let me see your engagement ring/wedding ring" wears off, pull it out again and wear it on special occasions or whenever the mood strikes.
Anyway, if her boyfriend doesn't care (why should he? he got her in the end!), I'm sure he won't mind seeing it every now and then. She doesn't need to tell people it's a former engagement ring! :)

Answer 3

Why doesn't she turn the right hand ring into a pendant on a necklace? That way, there will not be any debate on wearing the bigger ring or not, and she could still wear it everyday if she wants to.

But if she want to keep it as a ring, how about bringing out for special occasions.

Other option- but maybe not her fiance's choice- take the ring and make a new setting for her new engagement ring. He can pay for any additions and for the labor involved.

Hope these ideas helped!

Answer 4

Most people don't realize that if you go back to your grandparents day...there were no "diamond engagement rings" There were gold wedding bands and that was it! This is now a ritual thanks to the diamond and jewelry manufacturers. Think about it!

Consumers have been "told" that the "proper" way to ask a woman to marry them is with an engagement ring of diamonds. Often nowadays it seems like it is a pissing contest of who has the biggest, best diamond and that is NOT what it should be about. These poor men feel obligated to try to outdo and outbuy everyone and all to please a woman. I think it's absolutely nuts!

I told my husband NOT to get me a diamond ring. Instead, that we would spend the $$$ saved on something that we really wanted, like a cruise, new kitchen, etc. I even ventured so far as to tell him to get me a "Ziamond" instead (platinum band with a CZ that the stars all wear) He didn't want to do that but it is a way to get yourself a big stone...and nobody knows the difference!

Has your friend considered telling her fiancee to be that a ring is not necessary? That way, no pressure on him, no pressure on her to get rid of the ring she had remade for herself, and they can spend the money on something else. They can just get themselves really super nice wedding bands that match each other's, which will have more meaning anyhow.

Answer 5

Diamonds have a history and the right hand ring should retain its history, regardless of its size, it still represents a failed engagement and she altered the ring to be something else, yet it is still an engagement ring given to her by someone else.

The engagement ring that her current love would give her, regardless of its size would never be less glamorous as it is a declaration of one persons commitment to the other, as if to say, please wear this, i searched and paid for if and although i may not make enough to buy the crown jewel. His heart went into the purchase and he saw that ring on your hand.

Look in the end its not the ring that ring that makes the person shine, its the person and their happiness that makes the ring shine...

Not sure if that makes any sense..but don't trade in the ring, wear it...on the right hand... let your fiance buy a ring, its his right, let him play the part.

Answer 6

She should discuss the options with her current boyfriend. The practical thing to do would be to give the ring to the boyfriend to use as a trade in. However, guys can be funny about money and taking money from their girlfriend/wife. It's important that she doesn't make him feel like he can't provide for her needs if she offers this option to him. She should explain that the ring doesn't mean anything to her and she would give whatever she had to be with him and that she would prefer to get rid of the ring and start fresh with him.

Answer 7

i think a engagement ring a man buys is received by the women AS A PROMISE to marry him. If the engagement fails who bought the ring has the right to get the ring back. It's not a gift so much as a promise when the promise is broke the women loses the right to the ring. There have been judges who view the ring as the property of the buyer or the ring. I don't see why she want want to wear it everyday as a symbol of her failed engagement. Seems she just wants it for show. Sad on her part. YES I'VE GAVE BACK A VERY $$$$ ring before. i don't get WHY women think they deserve a engagement ring after the relationship is over. i think it would hurt my hubby's feelings to see a ring everyday another man gave me.

Answer 8

First is she 100% the new "other" is going to propose? It would be a shame to get rid of the ring and him not propose. If he does I would just get rid of the ring all together, keep it in a safe box and only drag it out on super special occasions as a dress ring or save it for children, grandchildren etc. It's actually kind of rude to flash the old engagement ring infront of the new soon to be hubby knowing that he can't afford something like that... talk about ego killer, kinda makes her materialistic too.

Answer 9

He could use that diamond and put it into a new engagement band.

Or she could put it into a necklace.

Or he could trade it in.

Golly Geesh, since the friend the asker is talking about was MARRIED, she fulfilled her promise to marry and therefore keeps the ring to do with what she sees fit. If the engagement was broken off THEN she gives the ring back.

Answer 10

That's a great question, what would i do...well: it's an engagement ring, does it really matter if an another ring out shines it a bit...it really shouldn't matter. The fact that she knows it's her engagement should be enough...anyway surely it's the little gold band that matters the most? It's a silly thing for them to worry about...now go try some wedding cake!