Should I report my friend to Social Services?

Question

I have been friends with this person for nearly 20 years, but her behavior over the past few years has me very concerned. She and her husband are self-professed "pot heads", smoking several times every day. They are also taking unprescribed Xanax and Vicodin (sp?) to get high every day. The worst of this is that she has a 2-year old daughter and is talking about having another child. This seems so irresponsible to me! I worry about the safety of her child when she makes comments about being so high that she cannot remember the previous evening. Should I report her to social services for endangering her child?

Answer 1

Yes, but be aware that it takes time for child protective services to do a proper investigation including drug screening. If the agency cannot prove a negative effect on the child then hands are essentially tied. Do not let this discourage you. There is such a small window of opportunity with prescription drugs for a positive screen that it may take longer than you expect to have the evidence needed to protect the child. Also you should be aware that unless one of the children discloses witnessing the marijuana use, a positive drug screen for marijuana in most states is not enough for child services to intervene.

Answer 2

If you have been friends with this person for 20 years, perhaps you should discuss this with her first! It seems a bit harsh to be thinking of shopping a long-time friend like this without even giving her a chance to do the right thing first.

You need to have a good talk with your friend about this. Tell her you are worried about the effect this is having on her child, and also the effect this will have on the next child. If you really are her friend, you will do this. That's what friends are for. Friends don't call Social Services on each other after 20 years of friendship.

Answer 3

I have 3 small children- ages 3, 4, and 8- and I have NEVER not been able to remember the day before. A 2-yr old is still a very hands on responsibility. If this woman is that out of it and this is an every day all day addiction, then she is not only endangering her child, but she is neglecting her as well. She cannot properly care for her if she is doped up. Her daughter needs more than she's getting. Take being friends out of this. Be anonymous and call and report her. Call every day and see if they have followed up on your first call. Call every day until they do something. Some people think it's funny to get a child drunk or high. Don't wait for that to happen to call. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you are truly concerned for the child's safety then yes you should definitely report your friend, I am not sure where you are but there is a fair chance that she will not lose custody of her daughter but she will get the help that she needs.

I think you should speak to your friend. Let her know how concerned you are. If you don't feel that you can speak to her or her husband, perhaps talk to her family.

There is a fair chance that you will lose your friendship not only with her but possibly with other friends that may think that you are interfering but at the end of the day it is the safety of young innocent children that needs to come first. Depending on where you are, you may be able to report her anonymously and that way you can still be a part of their lives

Answer 5

Yup. I would not be so concerned if it was just pot and they were not doing it in front of the baby. But they are also popping pills that have a much longer effect than pot. If the baby stays at home and does not go to daycare, it will be harder for them to be monitored, but CPS will find a way. If you are worried about the friendship I would end it. Then make the report. If you think you talking to them would help, then do it. After all you said you have been friends 20 years. I wouldn't keep my mouth shut about it. If something happens to that child and you knew there was drug use in the home, when questioned, you will get into plenty of trouble yourself. Just for knowing those things and allowing it to go on. Just so you know.

Answer 6

Have you talked to your friend about the way she is neglecting her daughter? If you have not I would do that first. I habe been in the system and let me say the abuse I suffered from my dad pails in comparison to what I suffered at the hands at people who were paid to "protect me". I don't trust the system. I know a lot of other people that have been mistreated and abused by the system. The system is so bogged down and overcrowded that a lot of kids don't get taken care of real well. Unless your friend is serioulsy abusing her daughter I wouldn't call social services yet. Just try and talk to her sometimes all a person needs is a friend to help her out.

Answer 7

Keep it simple.

YOU are complicating the issues by trying to analyze the underlying, "What If's", rather than focusing on the simple fundamental SOLUTIONS.

1) Is whatever they are doing legal? Yes or No. (The answer is YES)

2) What do we do when we KNOW that a crime is occurring? We call the police and report it. THAT is what 911 is for.

3) WHAT HAPPENS to the children in a situation such as this if we sit back on our butts and DO NOT REPORT THESE CRIMES? The children grow further endangered and face endless negative possibilities and as well, YOU are now enjoined to the crime(s) because YOU were AWARE of them and you did NOTHING to prevent the children's dangers.

4) How soon do YOU want to be criminally prosecuted if ANYTHING happens to that child?

So, in effect, if you keep quiet and the child(ren) is/are harmed or killed in the longrun, YOU are JUST AS RESPONSIBLE and are JUST AS GUILTY!

In some states you may be considered prosecutable under felony charges for obstruction of justice and possibly assistant to manslaughter or 2nd degree murder.

Evidently you were never taught right from wrong in your younger years?

We have spent BILLIONS of TAXPAYER DOLLARS for rehab centers for these sorts of things, THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE FOR!

Maybe you should call several of the facilities in your area and ASK THEM what you should do.

I WILL tell you what you WILL DO if you do nothing... You WILL be talking to a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY for being charged with crimes that YOU could have PREVENTED!

Now then, do you wish to keep complicating matters?

Answer 8

I have had this same dilemma.I reported her-Her kids are now safe,one with the grandma,the other with that one's dad.She is in and out of drug treatment,lost custody of her 3rd kid(she had it in treatment) and is a mess

I felt guilty,like I did her wrong, but in reality,I stood up for her innocent children. I really should have reported her a long time before I did....I waited and,meanwhile, the older one got molested by another much older teenager,and the younger one suffered from alopecia(hair loss) from stress.That guilt is awful!
She lost custody because they agreed she was unfit,so I was right....
So,REPORT HER!!!! If they think she is OK, they will find the abuse/neglect allegations unfounded and will close the case.
I reported anonymously, that is an option....ask if that is possible and ask how many reports are needed for an investigation to be opened too.DEFINITELY mention the unprescribed drug use.
Good luck.

Answer 9

YES, I could see if it was only one parent that maybe smoked a lil pot, away from the child, and the child had a great other parent there, but in this case, that is WRONG, you need to get some one in there fast, because right now things might be going "ok" but they can turn ugly real fast, what happens when they aren't paying attention and she wanders out of the house, or they forget to turn off the stove, and also, what if they let that child get close to the drugs....even if they think she doesnt understand she does, And if you love these people, you would call, Your friend needs help. and that child needs you more than any thing...

Answer 10

How do you define "friend'? What is more important to you, an innocent 2 yr old or your so-called pothead friend? If you can't answer that, than you are stooping down to her level.
The 2 yr old is our future, and your friend is old enough to get on with life on her own. Do what's right for the little one and mabe someone will think twice next time about the future.