is it normal to feel overwhelmed?

Question

We moved to Germany with our two boys(4 and 5) almost 4 months back.None of us speak german yet. We moved our house again last month.My elder son is going to start first grade this September in a German public school.I haven't been able to find a place for my younger one in the nearby kindergartens,all say that they are full. So I am a stay at home mom with two very active energetic boys ,who are home with me full time!! I take them twice a day to the playgrounds where the can run a lot and spend some energy.But still inside the apartment the will run and chase each other,and be loud.....and the lady from down stairs will come up and ask me if we can be quieter!!
Anyone went through similar situation?any kind word and encouragment will help!Thanks.

I try to limit their TV time to 1-1.30 hour a day.Either the kids will wresle with each other instead of playing nice,or they will want to watch TV.I hate the power struggle that takes place in the house so many times.

Answer 1

They are old enough now to learn the difference between outside play and inside play. You are doing so good by getting them to the park and letting them blow off some steam! It is physically impossible for little boys to be STILL all day. But when you are home, they need to be quiet.

When we lived in Germany I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn, and by the time we left the kids were 7, 5, and 3. I didn't have the problems with schools you are having, though - my kids went to the DOD schools.

The thing that saved us was playing school all day long. Honestly. We had recess out at the park twice a day (then again after dinner with daddy when he wasn't deployed), we had arts and crafts time that took about an hour, we had quiet reading on the carpet, we had field trips to the library on post, I brought the older kids into the kitchen with me and gave them small tasks to help with meal time - baby sat in a high chair with a little cup of Cheerios - and we had clean up time, and we played pretend, alot. We pretended we were all animals in the zoo for a day. We'd make masks at arts and crafts time and everything about that day revolved around the zoo - animal crackers for a snack, music with an animal theme, stories with an animal theme... We'd play "Simon Says" and we'd make homemade play-dough to play with. We'd have the neighbors kids over to play "Sardines" which is like hide and seek, but completely silent, where one person is "it" and everybody tries to find him, and when they do, they just silently hide with him until the next person finds him, and so on until everybody is packed into one hiding place like sardines and one person is left out and that person is "it" next time.

You really have to get creative to fill up the time, but after a while, you get used to doing so much with your kids that you wonder where your day went!

Once you have a bunch of alternatives to running around and yelling, if they do engage in that behavior, you should institute consequences, like a 4 minute time out in the naughty corner for the 4 year old, 5 minutes for the 5 year old, and when they come out of the naughty corner, tell them Thank You for accepting their consequences, and redirect them towards another activity right away.

Answer 2

Well, that is a very stressful situation you are dealing with and moving to another country recently and not speaking the language. Give yourself a break. You can't do it all. Going to the playground is a very good idea. Thank goodness school starts soon! When there is only one in the house your problems will be different. Is there a daycare program for the younger one to go to for a while? Are there other moms to connect with who also need to talk? You need to check this out. As you feel more comfortable where you are at and get connected with people, you will do better and the kids will also do better. Your plate is over full right now! Take care of yourself.

Answer 3

August is not the best time to start looking for things to do with the kids since most clubs are closed, but you can start looking online for different sports clubs. I have my son in swimming, soccer (fussball) and spanish. Spanish I got through our local VHS (Volkshochschule) which you should definitely visit and ask what they have for the summer. They offer so many things for children - from gymnastics to judo to painting.

The sports clubs are very inexpensive compared to the US. You pay a yearly fee and the kid is a member of the Verein (club) so I pay about 70 dollars a month for year-round soccer.

I don't know if you have a car or public trans nearby, or even where you are, but there are tons of museums, galleries, indoor and outside pools, etc. that you can go to. Another excellent activity (and free) are bike rides or walks through the trails. Most of Germany is connected through bike trails.

Every big city has an English or American/Germany club where you can meet other english speaking people. In Stuttgart there is even a magazine called Accents Magazine that has great information about happenings in the area, including things for children to do. They also have listings of playgroups in English.

Regarding kidnergarten, every child has the right to a place in a kidnergarten, so talk with them again - they MUST find you a place. And since you are at the Rathaus anyways, ask them for a list of things to do for children in your town.

This is a link for fun parks and water parks in Germany: http://www.funguide.com/parks/park.pl?germany

The kids - kids will play and scream, but maybe if you have some more structured activities, such as painting, or all learning German together (http://german.about.com/od/bilingualfamilies/Bilingual_Parenting_and_Familes.htm).

But most importantly, have patience and remember that one day you will be looking back at these days of your new move, not knowing the language, starting everything over, and you will be laughing with your family thinking "Were we crazy? But we did it..."

Good luck.

Answer 4

Don't you know how to read to your children? How about getting board games. How about learning to speak German? Have them help with planning the meal menus as well as shopping and preparing the meals. The lady downstairs has the right to peace and quiet.