My bf dumped me 3 weeks ago while i am 7 mos preggo. I have given him ample opportunity to tell his family, maybe we could work something out etc... Should I tell him I'm planning to take him to court or should I wait. He works with his family business and it's kind of shady how he gets paid. I doubt if he will bail b/c he has nowhere to go. I doubt if we would work out an agreement b/c he's an a88hole and wanted me to abort the baby at 6 1/2 mos. I'm just trying to figure out my options. I am going to hire a lawyer but I was just wondering if I should give him one more chance to do the right thing? I'm still pretty devastated and I don't want to make any decisions under duress. BTW, I am doing well financially so I can afford to hire a lawyer and take care of the baby. I just don't think he should get off that easy by walking away.
2007-07-31 01:14:19 · 10 answers · asked by pussnboots333 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If I were you, I wouldn't tell him. Sounds like you've given him enough time, plus you don't need to be any sort of help to him.
Surprise him with the court papers, give him less time to think.
More power to you!
2007-07-31 01:21:22 · answer #1 · answered by Chica 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have to say no. This is something he should be exspecting anyway. I don't know what the law is in your state but there might be paturity tests ordered if he doesn't sign the birth certificut when the baby is born. If he knows in advance he could decide not to sign it or in retaleation get his own lawyer and threaten you with I will get custody. You would be surprized how many men with no intention of raising a baby on their own will try to scare a woman once she goes for child support with this one. You need to be ahead of the game.
Not that this is the same thing or anything but do the police ever call you in advance to tell you they are going to arrest you? No they just pop in an hand you the warrant. When you get your lawyer he will mail him a letter as of your intent.
I know you are doing well but this is your child's support not yours. Your child deserves this money. If you are doing so well I would suggest setting up a savings account in the bank for your child. When he or she graduates that money will be there. It could be a college fund or a nice down payment on a first house.
Oh, also let your lawyer know about where his income is coming from. He may need to trace the fact he is making money. He might try to say he has no job or income. He might hide it being paid under the table.
Good Luck and God Bless you and your child. PS I pray you have a mother or a really close friend to be with you in the delivery. You will need someone's support to speak for you and what you want when you are in labor. Sometimes when you are really in pain you need someone that knows what you want and stands up for you. Like pain meds and what not.
Plus it is an emotional thing to give birth. It would be depressing not to have someone with you to share the joy. At best it should be the father. Maybe he will turn around by then and step up for the birth. There is something about seeing your child coming into the world that can change everything. It would be a shame if he missed that. He would regret that the rest of his life.
You also need to be prepaired due to the emotions around this preg. to be prepaired for some possible depression as well if he isn't there. Love to you. Evita
2007-07-31 01:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by evitabug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the state of GA, if you are not married, then he has to get a paternity test done to activate his legal rights to the child (legitimazation), file for visitations, and pay child support. You can deny him in doing that here. Talk to your lawyer about it (if you do not wish to have anything to do with him). And even if you deny him to see the child, you can still pursue child support from him. I know because I have been in this situation with the father of my 2 oldest children. I would definitely NOT tell him that I am going for child support. If he gets paid under the table, then they will look at his past jobs and determine how much money he is capable of making and determine an amount from that. The state will keep records of his payments and if he gets too far behind, then they will take his a88 to jail.
Good luck
2007-07-31 01:39:57 · answer #3 · answered by GA Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what the law is like in your area, but if he is self-employed or his family cover for him, he won't be paying you much.
If you warn him that you are going to sue for custody, then you stand the risk of him turning nasty. My friend's es disappeared, rather than pay a penny towards his child's upkeep.
If you can afford to do without his contribution, then come across as non-threatening. People don't have to pay for their child's upkeep in money - but everyone needs a good, loving, caring father.
Yes, he is an idiot, but then, you know that or you wouldn't be in this positition in the first place.
I'd let his family know. But be prepared for fallout and lies. You take a chance every way you look at it. It woudl be good if he did the decent thing - contributed financially, came to be a good father, but well, you know better than that.
2007-07-31 01:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you, I wouldn't even file for support. Doing so only keeps this jack off in your life, and in the life of the child that he was willing to kill simply for his own convienence. It sounds to me, what with the break up so fresh, that you want to sue for support simply to get back at him. Avoid doing that. You'll find out after you have the baby that he is just trivial, he doesn't matter enough to put your time, energy and money into trying to give him his comeuppance.
Besides that, if he never pays support, and never sees the child, it will be really easy for you to have his parental rights nullified should you find a caring decent man who would adopt your child as his own and be a proper father.
Trying to get money out of this loser is only keeping pain and difficulty that you don't need in your life. Make a clean break.
2007-07-31 19:28:43 · answer #5 · answered by missbeans 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have to have had the child to file for child support. That gives him plenty of time to do the right thing. If not well go for it!! Keep all bills you receive from the childs birth esp any you have to pay in cash, keep all receipts from all doctors and hospital departments- the court can order him to pay half of these bills (after insurance payments). If he gets paid in cash you may have a hard time collecting the money but its worth it.
2007-07-31 03:38:15 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been nearly a month and nothing has happened. Don't tell him you're going for custody, just do it. If his family business is shady, that's there problem. He doesn't deserve you or your baby, by the sounds of him. Don't let him just come crawling back either, be strong & stand your ground.
2007-07-31 01:19:28 · answer #7 · answered by jaytei 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Considering that his actons up to now have been less than honorable, let your lawyer handle the entire procedure. The less contact you have with your ex, the better off you will be. Keep the entire procedure strictly professional and impersonal.
Good luck to you and your child.
2007-07-31 01:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by Patricia S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him, I told my ex when I was filing for my daughter and he took her, he was supposed to have her for a day and kept her for a month. I don't think all guys are jerks like that, but they do tend to get nasty when you tell them. My friend told hers and he went and quit his job. So from what I've seen, it's not good to tell him. I mean you could ask him about making a deal outside of court but if he says no just go ahead and file and don't tell him.
2007-07-31 01:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by mommy23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact a lawyer and file the papers.
2007-07-31 03:08:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋