Was this comment out of place?

Question

After drinking a lot of wine. My sister asked to hold my son. We were on a beach trip with other family members. I let her and she walked out onto the large deck to calm him down. She seemed ok to me but my wife didn't think she should hold him. After I took him back from my wife (my sister seemed slightly offended by this but didnt' say anything) my aunt made a comment about how parents shouldn't let their anger out around your kids; that she would "pray to God" for help to stay calm when she was raising her kids and how kids personalitys are determined by how we act around them; how if we act ignorant so will our children.
My wife is very stressed with the twins and our 5 year old. She sometimes gets more angry with the kids than she should. While agree with her comment it didn't seem like the right time for it. I defended my wife and said she was just being protective of her baby. My aunts comment seemed out of line and wrongly timed to me. Am I wrong to have felt this way?

Answer 1

If i was your wife, i would have been deeply hurt! Well done for standing by her and even more so for understand where her frustration and anger comes from!
Twins and a five year old - WOW!
I think your Aunt has a point, but it was not the right time and not the right way to say it!
She should spend the WHOLE day dealing with it herself and give herself some perspective on how your wife feels every day...that ought to make a point, lol!
Again well done!

Answer 2

Sometimes the advice we hear isn't really how people meant it to come out. In the situation as you've described it I don't really understand how your aunt's advice fits in so I wonder if you're leaving something out or if she really meant that another way. Regardless, the fact that you stood up for your wife earns you kudos because very few people do that.

Now, look back at the situation because something is not right here which is probably the real reason your aunt's comment is bothering you. The something wrong could just be what I said above or it could be something deeper. Was your wife's concern about your sis holding your son just that she was drinking? Or does she have trouble accepting help with the kids at other times, too? It's normal to be stressed with twins or with a 5 year old, I can't imagine having both. But if your wife is having trouble accepting help in normal situations but is still stressed you might need to step in and get her some help. But I guess only you can be the judge of that.

Answer 3

It does seem the comment was a little off the mark for the moment, but it sounds like your aunt was seeing something that others didn't. I'd be protective of my baby if someone was drinking and holding my baby , things can happen by accident and if something had happened to the baby while your sister was drunk, things in the family would definitely be tense. As for your wife being stressed, it comes with the territory with 3 kids, and when you add a family gathering where she has to watch the kids that much more closely(being around the beach and all) I'd say she was bound to be a little touchy.

Answer 4

I really can't blame your wife for feeling the way she did, but your sister handled things the right way by not saying anything. Your aunt, on the other hand, should have kept her mouth shut. It was none of her business. People who have been drinking have no business holding babies. Give your wife a break for a while. It takes some time to get hormones back to normal after having a baby. If it is really a problem that you think time won't take care of then sit her down and offer to take some of the responsibilities from her so that she can relax and have some time to herself.

Answer 5

I think that the fact that you spoke up to defend your wife is more important than worrying if you should have said anything at all or if your Aunt was out of line. Older family members really tend to view younger ones as children even when they're adults and they think that that gives them the right to voice their opinions without considering if it's an appropriate time or not. Of course your wife is going to be stressed with 3 little ones to care for. I think it's great that you defended her it shows that you support her and won't allow anyone to get away with making comments like that.

Answer 6

Applause applause for standing up for your wife. That was the right move.

In private, when it's just you and your wife, you can talk calmly about her stressful life and how you can help her to be less stressed. The aunt thought she was being helpful, her intentions were likely not bad, so don't hold her comments against her. Help your wife to understand that, too.

Answer 7

If your Aunt really knew the impact of her comment,she would have desisted from it in all probability.How ever,some people are compulsive commentators and they speak first and grasp the consequences later ,Since we can't change them,we should learn to take such incidents in our strides.It would be a good idea to pay them back once in a while,so that they remain restrained or hopefully so.Tell your wife to let go of it as she would of a foul joke.Now,concentrate on your TWINS and relive your childhood through THEM.

Answer 8

No of course not. It's your job to protect your kids and it's none of auntie's business how you raise your kids. Tell her to "mind her own business and buttout". Obviously all her praying didn't keep her daughter from turning into a lush.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Your wife is headed to becoming a sniveling basket case. It won't belong before she yells at everything, including the toast in the toaster if it doesn't toast fast enough. You can see it starting now. And your aunt is a meddling biddy.