A very serious question about depression?

Question

I truly feel that I may be suffering from major depressive disorder. I am now 21 years old, and have been suffering feelings of detachment and sadness for the greater part of my life. My parents were divorced when I was 8 and I had a very troubled childhood. I had always thought that my childhood caused me to be the way that I am. I am now entertaining the possibility that there may be something greater involved with my problem. I wrote the excerpt below recently in order to get some of my feelings out in writing. Am I correct in assuming that I really have "depression?" Please see below.

"I'm going to take a chance and open myself up more than I have done in many years. For what seems like an extremely long time, probably the past 7 or 8 years, I have felt increasingly emotionally numb. It has progressed as I have gotten older. Now, the numbness does not come in spurts, nor is it sporadic. I consistantly do not feel any real emotion at all. I do not enjoy life, or live at all for the moment. I do not feel joy, nor do I feel what I would consider to be pain. I just feel ISOLATED and vastly empty. I am always preoccupied with building my own future, and think of nothing but the distant goals that I have. I live vicariously through idealizing my own future. I always feel like I'm waiting for something to happen-- this or that. I cannot even begin to explain how tuned-out I am. I literally feel dead inside.
I often feel as if I am trapped within my own mind, reclusively entertaining myself with what I would like for my life to be like as I ignore nearly everyone in the world around me. I keep a very select few, who are extremely close to my heart, updated on my day to day activities and will reveal with them the very superficial aspects of my inner feelings. However, it almost seems as if I am fearful or resentful of human connection, the vast majority of my past relationships have died. My connection to family, and my friendships that felt like family, have all deteriorated. I have only formed one new, still existing relationship of any type within the past 8 years, and have formed very few relationships of any kind. I do not make friends. Not only am I unconfortable about forming friendships, but I am actually resentful of those who do. I simply cannot stand being stereotyped by my age-- those who assume that nearly every 21 year old is a care-free social-butterfly, a heavy drinker, and ignorant about the world.

Speaking of resentful, I have felt myself become more agressive throughout the years. In fact, I often catch myself speaking to others in a very condescending and rigid nature, and tend to take an extreme viewpoint in things. This happens so often, I fear that I actually find pleasure and satisfaction in aggitating others. I certainly rub people the wrong way, and usually find myself bringing notes of pessimism to every conversation. I have also noticed that when people insult what I call my "pride," I become even more rigid and sensitive, angry, and offended.

My routine habits have changed as well. I fear that I am a compulsive eater, as I regularly have intense food and/or drink cravings that do NOT go fulfilled until I absolutely gorge myself on whatever it is that I am seeking. I have gained approximately 30 pounds in the last 4 years. I am always lethargic and lazy; it is an extreme effort for me to carry out daily tasks. Of course, I have my routine, which I NEVER break. It always seems to me as if I never have enough time to "do anything different", although I actually probably do. The emotional numbness persists throughout every activity, even those that I used to enjoy. I ALWAYS feel like I am simply going through the motions. Every second of every day I feel this way. I feel as if I am slow to respond to stimuli, and especially notice my haziness while driving. Sometimes I am reluctant to drive, due to the fact that I feel so incredibly inattentive and in a fog. In addition, I am nearly always sleepy. I have found that I do not function well on less than 10 hours of sleep, and if left to my own devices I will sleep 12-14 hours at once. The sleep I do get is restless. I awaken easily and often find it difficult to fall asleep, or fall back asleep if I have awoken at an inopportune time.

Within the past 7 or 8 years I have felt myself completely change. Recently, I have become consciously aware of the fact that I have forgotten what it feels like to truly live my life. I don't feel as if I have participated in ANYTHING in an extremely long time, and in retrospect everything feels like a dream to me. I have attempted to justify my feelings through blaming the condition of the world, through the turmoil of my past, and through the strength of my character. I am truly beginning to feel as if my problems extend much deeper than just my surroundings or my luck. I feel very, very distant from everyone who is important to me. I feel like I am wacthing my own life wind away before my eyes, and that it will be over without me ever having truly lived it. I feel trapped.

Lastly, I am very deeply sorry to those who care for me, even though it is incredibly difficult for me to admit for some reason. I suppose I have always associated appologies with emotional weakness. I am truly sorry for being so distant, but I'm terrified to reveal any of my feelings at all. I really think I need some help.
"

Just to add one more detail: I do not believe I have Bipolar Disorder, as I have had absolutely no manic episodes, or manic traits. I used to be a psychology major, so I learned a fair amount about mental disorders and do not see myself as suffering from Bipolar Disorder.

Answer 1

I feel so incredibly sorry for you, to be so depressed at such a young age. Please, for your own sake, please contact a mental health professional right away. You may have a chemical imbalance or something of that nature, but life is too short to feel the way you have felt for so long.

Answer 2

Despair is on the whole (learn, normally) triggered via a childhood trauma. Both by bodily, mental or sexual abuse. Most instances individuals think they have depression but definitely it is just a section. Depression presently has no *actual* remedy. Medicine and remedy are transitority and do not deal with the foremost purpose of despair. Being 16 can be a lonely time in any one's life. This is the section where everyone changes into what they're going to grow to be someday. Men and women are usually self-situated in this segment. From what you said, sounds like you're being bullied. Bullies are insecure humans. They simply prefer on folks whom they recognize will not fight or answer again. You have to make some alterations for your life. What i will let you know now could be that you have 2 selections: 1) keep quiet and hope they just fade away (might be not except you go off your separate methods) or 2) Stand up to them, develop an angle however count on various friction (trust me, this labored higher for me since they started heading off me as a substitute of me averting them). Good... That's all i will say for now. Electronic mail me and we'll chat if you're .

Answer 3

I think a lot of people (if not most) have had all the feelings you've listed, just maybe not at once. It's a tough positioin to get out of but here is the thing - how would you feel if you felt exactly same way 5 years from now ?
It sounds unlikely but guess what? If you don't start working on those issues now 5-10-20 years from now you will feel the same way. Would you want to live rest of your life feeling the way you do now ?
Many people (including myself) are stuggling with a lot of same feelings as you, and guess what ? Everyday I wake up and struggle from where I'm at to where I want to be.
I catch myself daydreaming about better future and yet I know that if I don't address my present issues I'll never accomplish the things I want to.
I say: Keep your head up :)

Answer 4

The anhedonia, withdrawal, and sleeping problems are all symptomatic of depression: see pages 1, and 2, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and visit your doctor, and ask for a referral for CBT: you decide whether antidepressants are for you, but look for the side effects! Volunteer, even from home, at first: it will help: see page 9, as well. Break that routine now: get up and do a little exercise, with more every day, until up to 30 - 60 mins brisk walking. The eating disorder is another symptom. DIETING: Go to: h t t p : / / c h o o s e d i e t . b l o g s p o t . c o m and select one, possibly changing later. Eat 6 - 8 small meals daily, with a little protein in each, preceded 20 minutes earlier with a large glass of water, (drink at least 10 large glasses [250 ml] daily) and snack on as many celery sticks as you like, with the occasional carrot stick, or slices of cucumber and/or tomato in any vinegar desired (no oil!). Also see http://www.ediets.com and subscribe to their email newsletter. Do other exercises at home as well, as you are listening to music, or watching television, like bending and stretching exercises, Tai Chi, (see page 2 at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris ) Pilates, or pump iron. Many overweight people use food in an attempt to fill an emotional void, which is unhealthy, and ultimately futile. See http://emotionalhealth.ivillage.com/... and http://www.foodaddiction.com and http://www.oa.org/ Phone EDAP (U.S.A.) on 1800 931 2237. Others eat out of boredom, or depression, so find other things that you enjoy, or are interested in, so that these are no longer part of your life.

Answer 5

Yes Honey you are depressed, now the good news there is help out there for you. You sound like you are what we now term Bi-Polar this is a chemical imbalance in the brain and many great people suffer from it.
Please go to the Doctor soon and if you don't feel like talking take this letter with you. It is normal after parents divorcing to go through this but you never got through it. Go get the help you need you can feel like a totally different person with the right meds Good luck to you. please get help you have the right to have a normal life where you can form friendships and feel happy about life.

Answer 6

Kimia jaberi and to the female that wrote this in case you nonetheless look at this placed up. My boyfriend kicked the bucket might 19 of 2014 he's been long previous for a splash over a 300 and sixty 5 days and that i nonetheless have terrible discomfort from it. on occasion i'm unable to even ber to think of approximately what I quite have long previous by. He died on his commencement night. He has merely became 18 some months before that. it extremely is been the main undesirable experience i've got ever had to handle. everybody says that factor heals each and every thing and with time it gets greater straightforward. i think that relies upon on the type of guy or woman. I omit my Ron's further and further daily. i admire him greater suitable than something in the international. I have been given blamed and ganged up on for his loss of existence. We had our finished existence's planned. so some distance as a marriage and what our babies names may be. I merely now have been given into therapy each and every week in the past. you will at last study to alter however the heartache and discomfort does not go away. he's often with you merely try to be the guy he'd want you to be. might our boyfriends relax in peace.

Answer 7

Hey,
well I don't know much about depression or anything but i've been depressed before and it really helps if you do go see someone about it or watch this movie/documentary called "The Secret". It kind of gives you some tips on how to be happier and to think postiive because thinking like life's not worth living makes a person unhealthy. Hopefully this'll help :) iwish the best for you

Answer 8

Hi Sweetie, It does sound like your suffering from severe depression and I encourage you to make an appointment to see your doctor today. Talk to your doctor and tell him how depressed you are. He can give you some medication to help you out with your chemical in balance. Zoloft is a really good medication for depression. Your doctor can also refer you to some good therapist's. I just want to tell you, your not alone. A lot of people suffer from depression. I too suffer from severe depression and medication has helped me a lot. Good Luck Sweetie and God Bless!!!

Answer 9

hello.... u jus need friends.. i m one.. n look up to the rising sun, or the falling rain, or the birds.. u will feel better.. talk to ppl u know care for u.. n if u dont want to talk to sum1 u know, talk to sum1 u dont know.. sum random person in a chat room.. u will feel better, once u have loaded off ur thoughts.. i am also suffering from a similar low in life phase.. may be we can be of some help to eachother.. i am [e-mail] add me in IM if u want.. n take care.. there is nothing in this world which should effect you so much tat u feel so lost about ur own self..

Answer 10

I can relate to alot of the things you wrote about. Perhaps you should consider getting treatment - talk to your doctor, school counselor, etc. You sound like you do have depression, and perhaps medication can help you.