how do you not feel bitter and angry if youve had a bullying past where twisted people have hurt you, and?

Question

infringed upon you as a person?
theyve devalued you demoralized you, and basically ive encountered lots of bullying and abuse in my past growing up, other peers and kids making me feel bad about myself, making me think im worth nothing through mental taunts...and unfortunatly ive encountered alot of this throughout my life. im 30 now and have borderline personality disorder......i think though this is where my feelings of rage and anger come from, my traumatised, abusive past.
i wanna know how do i not feel rage and anger to the extent i do? i have had this rage problem for a long time and i feel it all comes from my past..
now i find myself becoming enraged at reminders, people who mimick the bullies of the past, who behave like them, look like them...any reminders now and it makes me fills with rage.....people who look like, act like, the screwed up horrible bullies and victimizers i remember from my past. im angry at myself i didnt fight back, back then & i allowed them to make

im presently waiting for therapy...i have very low self
esteem to and have never made a friend or had a
relashionship with anyone in my life, no girlfriend ever.
my ultimate ambition is to emigrate from the uk,
to go build a new life...however its depressing to me
that its going to take along time to work towards this,
and can not just leave right away, i have alot of issues
to work through...so its making me feel trapped here,
like im being made to work through something i dont
wanna work through or go through..
does anyone think i can get through any of this, and make
it out of britain?
plus: can i ever get over the way my victimizers and bullies
have made me feel in my life?

Answer 1

i left the uk at 14 after lying about my age and applying to work on a ship and haven't been back since, i'm almost 31. i left coz of an obnoxious and rotten drunken stepfather who tried his best to make me feel unwanted and useless and i too am still disgusted by anyone who reminds me of him. i tend to think all rich folks are shallow and soulless since that's what he was like and my mother only went with him on account of his money, which makes me wonder if a lot of women aren't gold diggers. i can't say anything really helps except finally finding out that you can make it just fine on your own and being successful financially and in relationships. i never really believed i was as hopeless as me stepfather made me out to be, however, so perhaps i was in a better mental state than you. people abuse others for various reasons and usually it's got little to nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the problems the abuser has himself (or herself). people never cease to amaze me with their idiocy though, even to this day. i just try as much as possible to surround myself with people who live their lives in the moment and try to be happy and have a good time coz you never know if today might be your last; we're all only here such a short time so don't waste it thinking of sad ****; try to get past it and enjoy the time you have here.

Answer 2

I am very sorry to hear all this. There are a lot of people who bully and they are clearly inadequate people - Have you ever considered studying bullying? I think it would surprise you to find out that bullies are usually victims of abuse of some sort of another. They are very likely to have low self-esteem and dislike themselves. I think compassion from you towards the bully would be an interesting angle for you to go on. If you felt sorry for them your rage would go by degrees. Anyway, you can't run away from it. No matter where you go in the world, you are going to be you! So, you might as well put some of your energy into getting this situation sorted. You know that your passion and strength shine through in your question and I wondered if you could use some of these amazing qualities to help others who have suffered too? Schools need people like you to go around and talk to kids and help them - I think you would be a wonderful candidate for that type of work. You can't fight your own bullies but maybe you could help those suffering now.

Answer 3

The answer is that you don't let life make you bitter & angry. Life can be hard & some people have harder lives than others. Some people would say I've had a terrible life. I was violently sexually & mentally abused by my step father from the age of 4, sent to a psychiatric hospital aged 12 when I had a break down, all I've only ever known abuse & violence & fear, but I removed myself from that situation & have healed by doing a lot of work on myself. I read lots of self help books, had hypnotherapy & counselling. I have spent years improving myself to get to this stage of wellness, there is no point in being angry as you will only harm yourself. The past is the past. I have made a new life for myself now, a happy one. You can't let experiences ruin you or use them as excuses for doing bad things. Learn from them & move on. Perhaps you will meet a nice girl when you have sorted yourself out, but at the moment with your negative attitude you will only attract more negative situations to you. Good luck, I know life isn't easy.

Answer 4

This may or may not help, but hear me out, cause it worked for me. I've been in a situation similar to yours, and I found that although I felt angry at these people, what really ticked me off was thinking about how I acted and how things could have been better if I did something other than what I did. Whenever I'd think about these moments in my past, I'd find myself thinking, "Oh man, if only I did this instead of that, then maybe things would have been great, and if only I said this rather than that...". When ever I thought of things like that, I'd just go crazy, thinking about what would have happened and what could have happened. This went on for a while, until one day I just got a click in my head that made all of that stress and rage go away. I realized that If I just learned to forget what happened in the past, and shrug off my bad thoughts, I could finally stop feeling like crap. Assuming your situation is the same as mine, my advice to you would be to try your hardest to forget it and stop thinking about what could have been. The thing is that if you keep thinking these thoughts, you will never escape that rage that just completely makes you feel like crap. Rather than thinking that there could have been a way to prevent all of this, think about the fact that its over, and theres nothing you can do to change that. Just live your life without regrets. Feel free to hate the people that bullied you, but never hate yourself for the way you responded. Just remember that its in the past, theres nothing you can do to change that, and that only rage will come of thinking about could have been done to change everything. Instead of getting pissed about the past, learn from any mistakes or regrets you may have and make sure they dont happen again.

Answer 5

I was bullied quite a bit in school and did have the anger you have for quite a while. I got in loads of fights because of taunting and name calling. I had planned to sort people out when i left school and bulked up, but then time changes you and I have mellowed out. It wasnt nice at the time but now I feel I am mentally tough. I played rugby quite a bit and went to the gym to vent my anger. You need to have therapy about your past but now it seems you are still punishing yourself. I would suggest you try to do things to build your self esteem, maybe voluntary of charity work which will make you feel fantastic because you are helping people. Look to the future.

Answer 6

I've been there myself. On my blog (website below), you will see... "From Child to Now"...

I elude to a few things in there. I didn't go into great detail. I was sexually abused several times by my babysitters son. Then it happened again with a neighbor kid. This led to depression as a child and then I started gaining weight...

Well, in fourth grade the teasing started. I was constantly picked on and would have feelings of rage as well.

I can tell you that it gets to a point that your feelings about what happened take over your life and you need to be the one to make the conscious decision to let it go. Don't forget... but just "forgive" them. (I say don't forget, because those who do forget their past are destined to repeat it... I firmly believe this).

Unfortunately, you need to be the one to let it go. Unfair I know. All it will do is eat at you and suck any of the happiness you have in your life.

It's not an easy thing to do. I have just recently (I'm 35) started to accept myself.

Answer 7

You just let it go. You chalk it up to experience and realize that it was not your fault, and then you let it go. Get therapy to relearn how to react to different situations and towards people. Maybe try some meds that may help your anxiety and anger issues. Alot of peopl dont think that its possible to just let it go, but believe me it is...........

I was sexually abused by several of my biological mother's customers. She was a prostitute. My sister and I were finally removed by social services when I was almost 4. I went to 2 different foster homes and 1 group home before I was finnally adopted. Everything went alright until I turned 8 and my adoptive brother started sexually abusing me. That lasted until I finnally had the guts to tell on him when I was 10. We recived therapy as a family, but I always felt like the therapy was geared more towards me. Like I had seduced my brother. At 15 my adoptive dad started to do some innappropriate things, and when I had told my mother, she accused me of fantasizing about my 50+ old adoptive father. I was treated as the black sheep. Of couse the police were involved both times and my adoptive mother did everything in her power to discredit me. So justice was never served. I ran away when I was 17. Had my son when I was 19. My mom was in the birthing room telling the nurses that I need to giv the baby up for adoption because I wouldnt make a good mother. It was like she was trying to get them to do it against my will. My sons father is a piece of ****. He has paid maybe 1000 dollars in child support in 7 years. He tryed to get my rights taken away. Lied saying that I had tryed to kill myself and had threatened to kill my baby! TOTAL lies.

So yeah I hear you. I understand. I became severely depressed, but denied it for years. I did some things I am not proud of and got into alot of trouble recently. The arrest and conviction were actually a blessing in disguise. I was court ordered to ge therapy, and to take any meds that my therapist had seen fit. I have been doing so. She put m on wellbutrin. It has totally changed the way I think! I fel so much better. I am not living in the 3rd person anymore and I am not letting my anger and sadness run my life!

Sorry this was sooooo long. I just thought maybe you should know that you arent alone.

Answer 8

Watch Anger Management starring Adam Sandler

Answer 9

Hey man I used to be a bully in high school and junior high and now I cant believe what I did. It sickens me to think I could have treated people that badly and sometimes they were better people then me and it worries me that I caused them long term damage cause i sure made school hell for them. I think it was my own lack of self esteem that made me so mean to others who couldnt really do anything about it back then. Good luck and I hope the treatment works and I think schools have to start cracking down on this sort of stuff.

Answer 10

You didn't fight back because your not a bully or a nasty person yourself. Your far better than that. You should give yourself more credit. Your here now, you survived it therefore you deserve a medal and should wear it with pride. As for the people who treated you so badly,well, you really should feel pity for them because they're not happy, they're the jealous, bitter, twisted ones who are more than likely f**ked up. Forget them and everything they did because your letting them ruin your future. Gain strength from whats happened and look forward to a good future because you are by far the better person.