Mother in law always puts my mother down help?

Question

My MIL is very jealous of my mom. My mom and I are very close. I have a 4 year old son and at b-day parties there always seems to be problems. My mother in law instead of being happy that my mom buys my son stuff makes it out like she tries to out do her. Mind you my mother in law won't even buy her own gifts. She makes me go out and do it then pays me back. My mom has done nothing but be nice to her. My mother in law always ask if my mom is getting rid of clothes and stuff and always wants them but then says hurtful things about mom. My mom and dad gave my hubby and I $10,000 for our 1st home then we sold it to move into their old because they bought another home. We didn't have to pay them a dime. Instead of MIL being happy because her son's family has a roof over their heads she gets mad. There is a lot more to the story too. I posted another question about how is won't even visit my son. He is almost 5 and she has only visited 10 times. We visit them alot and invite them but nothin

How can I be around someone know she says these things? By the way she also says it about my sister in law's mom too. It is not just mine. Also, I think another reason why my mom does the things she does for my son is because when my husband and I 1st got married I had a niece and nephew on his side of the family and a niece on my side with twins on the way ... my MIL asked my mom if she would love the twins as much as the 1st born and my mom said yes. She said she could and would never love the 2nd in her family as much as the 1st. I will never forget that and niether will my mom. HELP ME!

Answer 1

Your MIL is just jealous that she cannot give you all the kind of monetary things your mom and dad can. But it's not a competition and she needs to understand that. I wouldn't count on changing her. She just sounds like a mean-spirited person who is determined to be bitter and miserable towards everyone. Your HUSBAND should put his mother in line. It makes me so sick to see all these wives on here asking "what should I do about my mil" type questions. Damn - where have all the good husbands done who actually can stand up to their mommy? But if you have a weak husband, then yeah, I guess you'll have to take care of the issue. I would definitely put a STOP to the gossiping first and foremost. Next time she says something about your mom, I would say "you know, I love you very much but it really hurts me when you say bad things about my mother. I'm very close to her and she has only ever treated you and us with kindness and love. I would appreciate it if you would stop talking about her. She is my mother and I really get hurt when you say those things."

Answer 2

I feel the same kind of vibe from my mother in law towards my mom. My mother in law never comes around either, my son is now 3 and I can count with one hand how many times shes came to our house and she only lives like a mile away. The times that I do see my MIL I will say stuff about my mom like she came around and my son was so happy or that my mom takes him out and she wont really say anything. I feel like she is jealous of my mom because my son loves my mom more, but that is her own damn fault because she never comes around. What my husband and I are doing now is we are ignoring her if she calls good if she doesnt oh well. We are not calling her anymore either. In the end she is the one who is losing because when my son grows up he wont want to go with her and maybe wont even love her. She will just be a stranger. I would suggest you do the same. IGnore her, you dont need someone like that around your kids.

Answer 3

Part of that sounds like your MIL is a bit jealous of the way your parents can help you out monetarily. I've had a bit of that in my marriage where DH is by far the most conventionally successful person on his side of the family so I have to be really careful what I tell my in-laws sometimes. It also means that I have to be very cognizant of how they enhance our lives and let them know that I really appreciate them.

And the visiting thing is hard. My FIL hasn't been to see us but twice in 15 years of marriage. When I finally let go of the resentment I felt about this I found that I had a much nicer relationship with him. I don't miss feeling mad about it, either, and just figure that's who he is, a non traveler.

Answer 4

Where is your husband in all of this? Has he considered intervening? Has he tried to talk to his mother?

Have you tried to stand up to your MIL and call her out on all the trash talking? Have you told her how you feel about it and asked her to stop it? Have you told her something like, "How would you like it if I told my parents all that nasty stuff you've been saying about them? Wouldn't you be embarrased?"

Your MIL has serious emotional issues. She apparently wants to call the shots at a distance by running down the people who she thinks she is competing with.

Her goal is apparently to at least make you miserable, by running you down by proxy. Maybe she is trying to compete for her son in some oddball way.

My suggestion? If your husband can't talk some sense into her, cool your efforts to include her on any family activities, or at least invite her to separate get-togethers so your parents won't have to deal with her. She isn't a team player... she's a jealous drama queen who will only do her best to make everyone miserable.

Answer 5

Well, I usually the peace loving guy but I'll make an acception when I say for you to tell that >insert bad word< to back off!
Tell you don't need that kind of negativity in your life our your children's so if she don't cut the crap, swallow her pride, and try to be a good mother-in-law instead of a monster-in-law, she can stay out of your life and keep her comments to herself.
She can either start showing respect or you can tell her don't even bother visiting if she don't want to be part of the family.

Answer 6

Well, we have a say in my country that says:

¨whom despises something, wants to buy it¨

your mother-in-law is jealous of your mom maybe because she wish she had the same relationship as you and your mom have or she is mad because she can´t give anything bigger than your mom.

next time she say something, just laugh or ignore her. pretend you didn´t hear.
if my MIL did that, i would turn to her and say:

¨yeah, my baby really like your invisible gift¨

that would shut her up. that *****.

Answer 7

I had a very evil Mother in-law. and she would say stuff like this to me, not just about my Mom But my sisters as well. and she done the same thing to my sister's in law.
She didn't like the thoughts of her no longer having control over her sons. and toward the end she would even tell her sons lies about their wives , so she could watch them fight. My husband had gone away for three months for training , she called him and told him I was going to have a baby . and that it belong to his brother. My husband came home on leave to kill us both . Thank God he talked to his Father . and found out the truth . I was never alone with his brother at all. About 15 years after I divorce her son , she called me one day . and ask me if I knew she had lost both of her legs. I told her my Daughter had told me. she said she had just moved into the state I lived in , and wanted me to come see her. I told her that my job and my husband kept me really busy , and I could forgive her for being so mean to me , But however I would never forget it either. I told her I was sorry that she was in bad health . and I wish her the best . But getting her out of my life , was like a load being lifter off my shoulders. So many times I would try to talk to her son about the way she did me. and he would say that is My Mom. just over look it. But looking back , over looking it was like telling her it was Ok for her to do and say what she wanted. Stand up to her , tell her if your mother ever said anything about her , you would say something to her. and you aren't going to put up with her saying anything about your Mom. Tell her it is up to her on how she wants to be treated by you and her son. and if only wants to say negative things , then you would rather her not be around you or your son. I wish you the best , it is an awful feeling when you feel like your mother in-law doesn't like you. I now have a beautiful mother -in law. and she is happy when my husband and I get something new. and she goes out of her way to make my Family feel welcome when they come to town. This is what a real Mother in-law shoud do.

Answer 8

The only way to deal with jealous people is to be nice and keep your distance. I would not be rude but I would not be going to lunch with her either. Move on with your life with your husband and once your mother in law See's she is no longer
getting to you she will move on to a new victim. Good Luck

Answer 9

it's your husbans mother, is he as disturbed by her behavior as you are? if not, he should be. she's being horrible to your mother, his child, and so on. sit down with him and ask him to talk to her about it.
he should talk to her, and tell her it's absolutly unacceptable and there is no way she can continue her behavior. it would be horrible if he had to threaten, but for the sake ofyour family, if she can't behave better then she doesn't need to be around your child, or any of you. so if she can't alter her behavior, then she shouldn't be invited to anything, and you shouldn't go see her. in short, cut her from your lives as much as you can, unless she behaves in a manner that's appropriate around your child.

Answer 10

Don't hold TG at your place, tell your MIL she can shape up her attitude or not bother coming to your home anymore.