my older brother has been raising me and my little sis for a long time now since our mom left us. well over the weekend my mom showed back up. shes been staying with a friend of hers since my brother wont let her stay at our house. he told her the only way she can see me and my sister is if she comes over to our house to visit and he's there. and he only wants us talking to her when he's there because he's afraid of what she may do. my brother dont know this but ive been talking to her on my cell phone behind his back(i mean she's still my mom and i do still love her). ive even gone over to see her without him knowing. she told me today that she really wants me and Lindsay, my sister, to live with her. i dont even know how long she'll stick around. i love my mom but i also love my brother and dont want to leave him. its making my belly sick and making me cry. i dont wanna tell my brother i went over there cuz i'll probly get in trouble. i just dont know what to do. im really confused.
2007-07-30 16:52:49 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this! But, I think you need to depend on ur Brother to help you do what is right! As much as you love your Mom...your Brother Loves you a whole lot more... and I believe he deserves to not have you lie to him and go behind his back...if u don't tell him everything he can't protect you as well!!! Don't take anything I have said in a mean way... I just don't want to see you hurt! One of the other ladies said that your Mom has proven how unreliable she is... and you also don't know if she is stable! Your brother is just holding things a bit tight so you don't get hurt again... I am sure that once your Mother starts proving herself...ur brother will allow more contact and personal time! But, she really needs to prove herself Honey! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!!! Best of Wishes to you dear!!!!
2007-07-30 17:42:26 · answer #1 · answered by Reagan's Mommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awww sweety...*hugs* I'm sorry you are going through this. I think your brother will understand if you talk to him one on one about this. Tell him your feelings and tell him what upsets you about this and why you went alone.
But I honestly don't think its a good idea for you to continue seeing her alone. The trust must be very low right now. You dont know what she will do next or when. I suggest you arrange to meet as a family at first. She needs to build up the trust especially for you and your sister. Your brother is a very loving man and no matter what happens you will be ok because you have each other...mom or no mom.
If she has proven to you and your siblings that she deserves quality alone time then lead up to that. Your emotions are too unstable to be doing this alone....I believe in second chances, but that has to be earned and that person is to decide how much they want to trust and when. Nothing that you feel about this is wrong.
I'd also get some family counseling, maybe start out with you and your brother and add your sister into the sessions in a future session. And if everyone thinks its the right thing to do...then maybe your mom can join the sessions. Make demands, tell her whats on your mind no matter how crazy and random these feelings are...break down let this trapped emotion out, let her see it full force, you dont deserve this on your shoulders. Make demands and tell her what it will take to get the trust back, and no matter what you want to see happen never think your asking too much from her, because there wont be such thing when it comes to your family.
You will be in my prayers <3
Good luck!
2007-07-31 00:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by EchosOfAngels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your brother, it sounds like he only wants what is best for you and your sister. I know you love your mom but if you go live with her you are only setting your self up for more heart break. I am sure he has a very good reason for not wanting you around her without him there. I know you still love your mother and that's understandable, but you have to remember that your brother only has your best interest at heart. Also. depending on how much older he is, there may have been things that happened with your mother that you were either too young to remember or completely blocked out, but it is quite fresh in his mind still. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, I am sure he will be understanding and could maybe shed some light on the situation for you.
I am sure you know what is the right thing to do deep down.
Take Care and I wish you all the luck in the world.
2007-07-31 00:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by Gin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Kori ! I'm really sorry that you have been put in this situation. I'm in kind of the same setup only I'ts my daughter that left her kids for drugs and now my husband and I are raising our 12 yr old grandaughter. I can tell you that this is something that you shouldn't have to decide on your own. When my daughter chose drugs over her kids , the first thing I did was call the Children's Aid and a social worker came to see us. They are very experienced in these situations and honestly Kori I was relieved to have help making a decision about this . They said they could see our grandaughter was safe and with people who love her. That was 2 yrs ago and our daughter is still trying to kick the demon drug. Please make the call . You need help from an expert. Don't try to figure this out on your own. No one wants you to stop loving your Mom. She gave you life and your love for her will go on forever. Maybe they can talk to all of you to see what is best . Good Luck Kori and I hope you will let us know how you make out.
2007-07-31 00:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by Donna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, there is a VERY good reason your mother isn't allowed to have legal custody of you right now. Your brother has proven to be more responsible. He has given a lot to you and your sis, to raise you and keep you out of foster care. For that you owe him your loyalty. Heed his council.
Yes, she is your mom and you love her, that is not a problem. But she cannot just move you in with her. Make her apply for visitation arrangements. That way family welfare services can make SURE your momma is in the right health-state-of-mind to have a part in raising you. Obviously your mom has been in and out the door often. Whose to say she won't up and run again. Stick close to your bro. Pray that your mom gets better. And don't go behind anyones back, because you really could get hurt hon.
2007-07-31 00:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by momof2kiddos 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tuff one Kori. I feel for you... you sound like a smart girl. Your brother has proven he is the grown up here, he loves you and wants you not to be hurt. Though you love your mom, what has she done to show you she is stable? Has she gotten a home for you and your sister? Has she held a steady job? Has she given your brother anything to help him in raising you? Think about your brother sweety... This woman is his mom too. He had to watch this woman walk out on him and you and your sister, leaving him with no other choice than to become your sole caretaker. Give him some slack. DONT abandon him. He's been abandoned by his mom already. Try to come up with a neutral solution. Ask your brother to talk to your mom, ask you mom to get her act together and get straight to show your brother she can take care of you now. Tell you mom she needs to give your brother a reason to love and trust her again.
2007-07-31 00:02:03 · answer #6 · answered by I luv Pets 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your brother is your parent now, not your mom. She gave up those rights when she abandoned you. She obviously didn't care enough about you or your other siblings to stick around in the first place. Just let her come to your house. Your brother knows that she will just tell you and your sister lies and/or get your hopes up about being a family again and he doesn't want you to get hurt.
2007-07-31 00:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your total situation. You probably need some professional help, like a guidance counselor at school. Summer time is not always cool.
Your brother seems to be the only stable relationship in your life. From your comments I think you realize this and know your brother is the best person to be with.
As a kid I know you want your mother to love you. Going to be with her won't make her love you any more or less. You need to talk with your brother even if you don't want to. He needs to know your mother is trying to manipulate you.
Tell your Mom you want a relationship with her but you need to live with your brother at least for now.
2007-07-31 00:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I know you love your mom (after all, she's your MOM) but it sounds to me like your brother is really the one who's acting like a responsible parent in this situation. It sounds like you know that too, since you say you "don't know how long she'll stick around". I'm sure he is trying to protect you by not letting you see/talk to your mom unless he is there. He doesn't want to see you or your sister get hurt by her again (not physically hurt, I mean hurt feelings). I think this situation is exactly what he hoped to avoid - you thinking there is a chance you will live with your mom again, her getting your hopes up, and you feeling divided between him and her and worrying over this.
I think you should talk to your brother about this. Tell him what your mom told you, explain to him why you talked to her behind his back and tell him you love him, but really wish you had a mom like other kids. Talk to him about why he doesn't want you to have contact with her without his knowledge and maybe it will help you feel better about the situation. Try to stay calm and just talk about how you feel, not accuse him of things (whether or not they are true).
I don't know what your mom's story is, but I worked with kids in the foster care system for several years. A lot of the parents wanted to believe they would get their kids back and would tell them that any chance they got, which led to the kids getting confused and upset like you. And a lot of the time it never did happen - the kids stayed in foster care or were adopted. The parents didn't mean to hurt their kids by saying this and not having it come true, but it was hurtful to the kids who felt like their parents didn't care about them when it didn't come true. A lot of the parents just had issues with mental illness or drug/alcohol abuse that they couldn't overcome. But no matter what they loved their kids.
Good luck, sweetie! I know this is a very hard position to be in. I hope you are able to resolve things in a way that will make you feel better.
2007-07-31 00:08:11 · answer #9 · answered by Kathie L 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like your brother has given up a lot to make sure that you and your sister are in a good situation. This isn't something that your mother is concerned with. I would just let your mother know that you still love her but you are doing good and happy where you are at (with your brother). After what she has put you through she should understand. If she doesn't I would cut ties with her. It sounds like she has put your family through enough already.
2007-07-31 00:13:33 · answer #10 · answered by sara123 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋