We are an ethnic family living in a mostly white community...?

Question

Their cousins tell them they are "white-washed" and call them things like "white girls" (in Spanish). Then they go to school and are told "to go back to their own country" and some mothers do not want my daughters playing with their children for fear they might learn bad things from them. Besides teaching them to love themselves and ignore the comments of prejudiced people (we are already doing that),How can I teach my daughters how to deal with the cultural differences and prejudices both at school and within our own extended family members?

We like our neighborhood. The children's schools are top notch and it is a safe and beautiful place to live. Besides, my husband is white and my youngest son is very light skinned and looks just like his daddy. If we were to moved to a different community, then we'd be posting about how to help THEM deal with it!

OK More Details: Most of our community is friendly and not racist at all, but I am just refering to a couple of ignorant people, and how to teach my daughters to love themselves regardless of those people. I TELL them all the time, but they still seem to get down about it.

Answer 1

#1 - DO NOT MOVE! You could actually be the beginning of the end of racisim! Short Story...My daughter joined a cheerleading squad over spring break, she was the ONLY white girl on the team. The girls called her names, gave her dirty looks, you name it! They let her know that she was different and not accepted in their squad. She cried, she cried, and she cried (she was 7) But she kept going, stood tall and now just a few months later, she is one of the best on the team and they ALL like her. They stick up for her when others say things, they argue over who sits with her or practices with her! Stay in that neighborhood, and help make a difference, teach your kids that they can help change people...Just to be themselves and stand proud of who they are!! Good luck to you and your children!!

Answer 2

Your story makes me want to put my hands around some necks ...but instead I'll just try to help.

Whether it be racial/cultural/ethnic differences -or political, religious, or economic ones- what you're talking about is interaction among kids.

As to what happens in the schools, your NEXT phone call is to the principal. Request an appointment and when you get it, lay out the problem. The school should seize on this as an opportunity for some consciousness-raising through education, not "punishment." Also, if you are not already active in the PTA, become so. Be seen by the teachers, administration and the other parents as the intelligent, vibrant, cultured and interesting person that you, in fact ARE. In so doing, you may make the acquaintance of the parents who have the bad-acting kids; and those parents may then take appropriate steps. What's going on here is that your children are targets for perceptions about race and ethnicity, whereas you and your husband as individuals present an entirely different picture.

Another option -and this is a tough one- is to call the mothers of the mouthy kids and ask if you can get to know them (the parents) better -a social call, as it were. It may or may not be appropriate, but what you're looking for it the possibility that some of the parents would be horrified by what their children are doing. The ones who are not -or who deny it- are the problem cases.

In general, you want people to see and understand that you and your family don't fall into the stereotype that drives the bad behavior. You can also employ some "offset targeting" to do this; that is, if your are seen to have the respect and friendship of other adults who are also respected by the trouble-makers, they may change their tune. Therefore, figure out who has such respect and develop, as much as it possible, a relationship with them. This shouldn't be artificial, of course; you may simply need to ask their advice on what to do. Since your additional details describe a basically decent community, your connection to it will result in the bad actors being excluded -not you.

One thing you MIGHT try with your children, when they complain about the comments, is to ask them, "Why do you think Bobby and Cindy do that?" In other words, in addition to dispensing wisdom, reassurance and advice (which is fine) ask them for their thoughts about it. This may help you decide the best ways to deploy your parental support of them.

I sincerely regret that you must face this issue, and that the work of resolving it falls to the victims and their children. We shouldn't be this way, and the fact that we are has cost us dearly at every level, as individuals and as a society. I so wish there was some way I personally could support you. I hope you'll let us know what happens.

Move? No way. We desparately need people of your tolerance and intelligence. I might move -NEXT DOOR TO YOU -but don't you go anywhere.

Answer 3

I feel you. I've had that happen. Although I dont think that all of them are the same. You should just look a little harder on which poeple you should hang around with right now. Kids are probably like that because of the influence they get from family, friends, ect. The point is that you should give it time. Hold your head up, you and your family. Be strong! and most of all BE YOURSELF. Trust me. In time poeple will see that you and your daughters are good people and will hang around with your family. Oh yea, tell your family not to behave bad (like smoking and doing bad stuff) because if they do most likely things will get worse (by the poeple believing most things they hear about your family, even if its not true). I'm in high school so I kidda know some of the things they may be going through. If things get really bad, like your daughters getting jump a lot or similar things to this, or worse) MOVE OUT. You shouldn't put your family in danger. I wish you the BEST of luck, I really mean it. :)

Answer 4

tell your children to smile when they walk by them, these kind of people have been around forever and it wont stop sadly just pray for those people and tell your kids never to let that get in the way of what they believe let them pursue what they want all you have to do is back them up those prejudiced people were taught that way so tell your children smile and be as cheerful as possible because if they are bitter that is what the people thought in the first place if they are nice and sweet that will throw off the other people and make them a little bothered, but no matter what dont let them bother you! trust me i've been there!

Answer 5

Since when does "ethnic" mean "not white"? An ethnic group is defined as a group who shares common cultural, racial, religious, or linguistic traditions. White people have these things too...and we are not all the same. I find it personally offensive that somehow just because someone is white, they are automatically assumed to be something, all the while you are (and quite rightly) calling out for more tolerance and understanding. Start by knowing that it is a two way street.

Answer 6

Sorry what is happening, but I doubt every white person dislikes you. I am sure your children can make friends.

Tell your kids to introduce themselves to kids at school or maybe have a little "intro" party at your house, or go to the PTA's meetings as a mom and get the ball rolling, and someone will say what a cool mom and family. Volunteer at church or school funcstions as a family, and I guarantee you will attract friendships that way. My family did. Always be pleasant and polite and say stay away from negative comments, and persons. Just IGNORE them.

If a kid or parent says something rude just say: "Hey I'm sorry you feel that way, but I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Isabel." Play it smart and give it a START.

Answer 7

Tell them that there are all kinds of discrimination and bigotry. The best way to fight it is to teach them to judge people for who they are and how the act rather than what they are. If they do this they will lead a much happier life freer from hatred and bigotry. The people that do not like them for this point of view are probably not worth knowing.

You can never do away with all hatred and bigotry but we can teach our children and hope they will teach others. Someday hopefully, the non-bigots Will out number the bigots.

Answer 8

Wow... I am white, and I couldn't imagine treating someone else like that! Sounds like you might be living among the worst of my "color"..... Just teach them to be strong- and not to hold it against all of us.... Teach them to keep their self esteem high, and don't let anybody get them down! I can't believe the mothers-- children are precious- and they are innocent! All of them! It is the parents that cause all of the bad blood here! Let your kids know that it is only a select few people that think that way! It is not all of us. Black, White, etc.... we're all in this together whether we like it or not!!!
We might as well start all getting along!

Answer 9

Hi there!

Similar story, just explain that this is an ongoing occurrence for the rest of their lives. They have to learn to accept cultural differences, even when others will not accept them. Psychology is a good course for them to take even at their ages so they understand why people are acting the way they are...the motives behind it...etc. etc.

Love and email me to swap stories on successful interactions!
Reis

Answer 10

Although there are lots of things you can say to your daughters about the issue, its always going to be like that, trust me it has happened to me too. Only difference is that i went to a cathlolic school which was very very very well culturally mixed. but I would just tell them to keep their heads up and be nice and respectful to people no matter what they say. Good luck .