Why do people assume?

Question

People see someone with a child having a "tantrum" in the store assume it is because the child needs better parenting? Why is this always the first assumption? I have a child that has Sensory Integration Disorder and sometimes we can not avoid situations that set her off. It is not a "tantrum" when she is screaming and flailing, she is in the "fight or flight" mode and her brain is going into its primal mode trying to protect her from whatever that trigger was. (Sometimes the color blue, sometimes the people, sometimes the texture of her clothing) Because she is very high functioning you dont notice untill she gets to this overwhelmed state. But what do I always see on here, and hear when I go out...
Tantrums need "spankings" "Time outs" "better parenting"
Perhaps it isn't a discipline problem and people need to quit making judgements, or am I wrong?

Answer 1

although your situation is different...MOST of the tantrums thrown in stores ARE due to poor parenting.

i have children and IF they start throwing we will leave the store. yes, that means leaving the cart and coming back another time but, the child learns the behavior is NOT acceptable. i had to do it a LOT with my first, but i haven't had to leave a store in many years with one of my children. i've got 5 children age 6 and under so i do have young ones with me shopping.

Answer 2

When I am at the shops and see a child having a tantrum I don't think it is due to bad parenting but usually due to the child being a child. My kids have had tantrums at the shops, my daughter is a champion tantrum thrower and has had many and i get the looks but ignore them. However I feel really embarrassed. Perhaps it is about discipline, I know i could have avoided the odd tantrum with a bit more discipline, but when you are out and just want to get the stuff done and go home, you tend to let discipline slide a little.
I think people need to quit making judgements as they don't know what has preceeded the tantrum or if the child has a problem.

Answer 3

Tantrums happen. Period. And anyone who's kid has never had a tantrum in public is completely blessed.

However. When a child is having a tantrum and a parent ignores it in public and people have to continuously listen to a child scream for an hour, then it becomes bad parenting. (I worked at a grocery store, this happens more then you might know. Yes, the whole hour they're there.)

It's different if there is an actual problem. And I'm sure that you don't completely ignore your daughter and just wait for her to stop.

I don't think people need to quit making judgements, I think they just shouldn't make them so quickly.

Answer 4

I know what you mean.

My daughter went craaaazy in the shoe store the other day, and the little girls who were standing behind the checkout counters just cringed and refused to even look at me, they were so disgusted.

I have nothing like your excuse. My 18 mo old doesn't have any clinical problems.

I could care less what people think. Usually it is lack of experience that makes them think that way. Before I had my baby, I couldn't bear to hear any child cry or scream. Got over that reallllly fast after the baby was born.

If anyone tells me she needs a spanking, I would laugh in their face. You haven't said the age of your child.

Who is saying those things? Relatives? I would stop spending time with them if it causes more problems.

Answer 5

I've seen so many kids throw fits that I just walk on by without saying a word or giving a second glance. Fits happen and what good is it going to do if I tell someone they should spank or discipline their kid? None.
I am sorry people are rude to you, they don't understand and most likely their kids are well behaved because they fear their parents (who really wants their kids to fear them??) or they don't have any.
I will have to look up sensory integration disorder because I don't know what it is so thank you for providing a educational moment for me. :) Good luck!

Answer 6

I am sorry that you feel judgments from others about something which I am sure as a mother is already hard enough to deal with. Just remind yourself that you have a unique set of circumstances which most people not only don't know about but also couldn't understand. Ultimately, what other people think really don't matter. Your responsibility is with your child and that his/her physical and emotional needs are being met.

Answer 7

no you have every right to feel the way you do, my 3 year old is in the early intervention program she has sensory problems as well as a host of others. she has a hard time swallowing anything that is soft like yams, she will swallow them whole if I dint stop her in her mind the texture is to unbearable to chew. she just got potty trained last month and off the sippy cup at 3 people use to look at me like I was an unfit parent but I set them in their place. my girl has several developmental delays she cant talk yet, she falls all the time and hits her head which is very frustrating to watch over and over. its hard to go out in public because she is over hyper and very loud but im not going to rob my child of MC Donald's,Chucky cheese or anything else. if people did their research they would find that it takes 20 times more love and patience to raise sensory children. no one would make fun of an person with epilepsy that fell out in public, stay strong for your child and keep on being that go the extra mile parent you are

Answer 8

Unless people have kids, they almost don't know what it's like. Kids are very expressive and if they get upset about something...everyone knows and there's not a whole lot a parent can do sometimes. It's not a parenting thing 100% of the time.

Answer 9

My daughter has sensory integration disorder so I really know how you feel, people say that, but then if you do discipline them in public then they accuse you of abusing them, what is a parent to do???

Answer 10

ill be honest im guilty. i think if you dont have a child that has any special needs, this probably doesnt cross their minds. so many parents have kind of dropped the ball when it comes to discipline and just common sense. i also believe that its in human nature to be judgemental. its sounds kind of dumb, but i think as people we need to understand things amd when we dont we attempt to rationalize.people do need to stop passing judgement, and some need to discipline their kids.

Answer 11

They make an a** out of u and me when they assume. LOL. People have to run around and judge everyone, even if they don't know what they're talking about. I see it all the time. I try not to let these types bother me, but they do and I see they get to you too. You should have a little business card printed out that explains what you just wrote and hand it out to the judges.