What's going on here? Scary!?

Question

My old family friend just called my mom to tell her that her brother died! That's the 3rd brother to die in a year's time! (All 3 within months of each other...) This one she had a tense relationship with and was going to call him on his birthday (tomorrow) to try to make peace. Apparently he died in church of a massive heart attack in his friend's arms. He was complaining of chest pains but his doc gave him a clean bill of health. Why is that happening in her family? She's the only child left and her mother is in the nursing home because she suffered a stroke (10 yrs ago and she is still taking care of her). What do you think is going on?

Answer 1

Time waits for no man.

Answer 2

I'm very sorry that your Mom's brother died and especially that she had planned to call him tomorrow to try to make peace with him.

I had a similar situation with my grandmother. We had a good relationship but she had a stroke and had to go to a nursing home. I was in the Air Force and stationed in Alaska. I never wrote her and my mother wrote me and said that my GM would appreciate a letter.

I wrote a long letter and mailed it to her. The next day I got a telegram from my mother to tell me that my GM had died. I felt so guilty that I had not written sooner.

For your mom to have 3 brothers die in 1 year is a huge shock to your Mom and to you too. It would cause your mother to be more aware of her own mortality and have a concern that she may die soon.

I suspect that it has caused you to worry that your mom may die soon.

The truth is that none of us know when we are to leave this earthly existance and that people die at all ages, some at birth. We tend to insulate ourselves from this fact by unconscious defence mechanisms; one of which is denial. (It won't happen to me or someone I love.)

When something happens to break down our denial, like the death of your uncles, we get scared and overwhelmed. Because 3 of your uncles died in 1 year doesn't mean that your mother will die soon, although we don't know that.

3 of my uncles died before they were 70 y/o and I'm 64 y/o. That certainly causes me to be aware that I may not be here much longer but it doesn't mean that I might not live another 20 years, either.

What do I think is going on? Your uncles may have had a genetic defect. They may have had similar unhealthy lifestyles. It could be coincidence.

I think that the important thing is that it may cause you to appreciate your mother more, while you still have here. It may also make you more aware that although we have to make plans for tomorrow, we also should enjoy things about today and not put off all our happiness to a time somewhere in the future.

As a Christian, I take comfort that I may see my loved ones again in Heaven. God's blessings to you and your family.

Answer 3

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your family members and your recent losses.
Next, sounds to me like heart disease and stroke are big in the family and I can't believe it wasn't discovered when he told his doctor, especially with the rest of the deaths. You didn't specify if the other deaths were heart related. Men are funny. He may have down played the pain and it didn't make the doctor suspicious. Maybe an echo or even just a stress test may have found something.
Just my opinion, I'm hardly a doctor. But if I were you, I'd make it a point to have yearly check ups and make sure your doc knows your complete family history so they can keep a close eye on you as well.
Best of luck!