I used to sit next to this guy and then he was moved for awhile. And now he's baaackkk! Right next to me no less and I don't have a choice in the seating arrangement. He is clueless about reading signals from people such as when I answer in monosyllables or my voice or body language clearly says I don't want to talk to him! I have no interest in being his friend or anything else. He is clingy and obnoxious. He will listen in on every conversation I try to have with another coworker and then butts in, tells unfunny jokes and asks me questions that have nothing to do with work while I am trying to do my job. I think he may possibly have a crush on me but I am 7 years older and have no interest in him whatsoever. How do I give the clueless a clue I don't want to talk to him!?
2007-07-30 14:28:22 · 15 answers · asked by siddyb75 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Isn't that annoying?! Before we get to the counter-measures, let's see what's going on.
And what's going on, here, is that we have your basically immature and insecure person who's looking for validation. This is a psychological situation which doesn't lend itself to cure, so you've got to deal with the behavior as it happens.
Consider a chat with management about the seating arrangement. Maybe YOU have no choice about it, but SOMEONE does. Tell whomever that is that the interruptions are hurting your productivity.
Meanwhile, here are some tried and true deflections:
After he starts to talk or asks a question, just say, "I don't know. Excuse me, I have to go the bathroom." Then go.
Or, the moment he makes his approach, pick up the phone and start dialing. Call the weather number or dial a prayer or whatever, but get on the phone. Look at him say, "Sorry, can't talk right now," and then play like you've made the connection on the phone.
Or, when he starts to talk, you yawn. J'ever notice how when one person yawns, others start to do the same? Keep yawning whatever he says, respond with shrugs and grunts, then get up to go "freshen up."
Try the "semaphore system." This is a signal system that basically tells people you really need to hunker down on your own. It can be as simple as a "do not disturb" type sign, but you can make it humorous: "Shhhhh...genius at work." Whenever he makes his approach, flip it to the Do not Disturb side. When he addresses you ANYWAY, point to the sign, and put your fingers to your lips.
Use the "Go ask your mommy" approach. When he asks a question, tell him you were thinking about asking (boss's name) the same thing, and would HE mind asking and then letting you know the answer later.
The problem here is with "getting attention." Good attention, bad attention, whatever. So, instead of giving him ANY kind of attention, you've got to supply him with a big ZERO, psychologically. If you play games with him, you'll lose.
There's always the direct approach, but the delivery has to be just right. Maybe this:
"Joe, I can't begin to tell you how your constant interruptions, jokes and comments are really affecting my ability to get my job done. A little chit-chat in the break-room or hall is fine, but I can't be talking or listening to you AND be doing my job at the same time. I'm asking you to give me my space so I can get my work done. When I'm busy, please leave me alone. I'm THIS FAR (hold up a tiny gap between your fingers) from going to management about this, and if you do NOT stop I'll do just that."
Your next move, for right now, is to talk to the supervisor and see if you can nip the problem in the bud -new seat assignment for YOU -or for him.
2007-07-31 03:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by JSGeare 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be forward and tell him that you do not like his being around you and bothering you. Just don't be overly cruel when telling him. Re enforce that he may be a good person but you just can not tolerate the situation anymore. He may get his feelings hurt, but which would you rather have a migraine headache or some peace? I told a co worker once that I did not like. I wasn't mean about it but I just had to tell him that there was something about him I did not like and that yes while we worked together I would be behind him 100% but that did not mean I had to enjoy his company. I had no problems after that. It was strictly business between us. He may act stupid at first but he will get over over it. Just realize that for whatever reason sometimes people have no chemistry between them. Good luck to you.
2007-07-30 23:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by D squared 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you could be direct and tell him straight out to stop talking to you... but that can be difficult...
so you could just ignore him, no matter what he says... if he asks you a question, comments anything he says... just fully ignore him and pretend he isn't there... if you do this for about a week (he should get the message)... but you can't talk or respond to anything he says... if he still tries to talk to you after all this... then you have to SNAP... one day just say in a firm voice "RIGHT, i've ignored you for a whole week, what is it that you don't understand???... I don't want to talk to you... leave me alone!!!"
That will do the trick... and if not... well your s*&t out of luck... quit your job and move on coz this guys a freak!!
good luck
2007-07-30 21:36:32 · answer #3 · answered by JazzyKat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just politely tell him that you need some space as you have to meet a deadline and will get back to him when you get a chance. I am sure it will help
Also try telling him that you can talk with him once you are done with your work that is never ha ha
2007-07-30 21:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by SP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore him and he will eventually get the hint. If he confronts you with it, tell him you are busy trying to work and don't find it to be an appropriate place to have personal conversations.
2007-07-30 21:32:29 · answer #5 · answered by Michele 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are uninterested in anything he has to say unless it expressly pertains to work. Do this every time he opens his mouth..Hopefully he gets the message after a few reminders.
Then just say "NO" every time he opens his mouth.
2007-07-30 21:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by kaw1949@swbell.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to starbucks and buy a cup of coffee. Pour half of the coffee out and top it off with laxatives. I guarentee you won't even see him.
2007-07-30 21:53:22 · answer #7 · answered by severly obese 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try explaining to your boss that he interferes with your productivity, that he is disruptive to your ability to focus on your work. After that, if nothing happens maybe you could use noise canceling headphones.
2007-07-30 21:32:48 · answer #8 · answered by the Boss 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok...1st of all i do hope u r a girl...just tell him u hav no time 2 talk and act like u r talkin 2 someone else.i do it all tha time and im only 14!!ha!good luck!
2007-07-30 21:32:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL....i'm sorry how terrible :( Just tell him...hey dude I don't want to talk to you....GET IT! That'll get him to be quiet...or you can tell him...I'm trying to do my work and i'm not able to talk...and tell him straight out that you are not interested in him. I hope it gets better for you :)
2007-07-30 21:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋