Should I invite someone I really really don't like to the wedding?

Question

We're in talks about the wedding, but in the back of my mind I do not want this person to come at all. Over the past 3 years she has been nothing but rude to me and that is putting it nicely. She makes my future husband's and my life a living hell. Normally this would be an easy answer, but she happens to be the bestman's girlfriend. Hopefully they will break up before than, but you never know. I know the easy way out would to just invite her and ignore her, but dealing with the spawn of the devil isn't that easy.
Chances are in favor of her causing some sort of drama or some how drawing the attention away from me and onto herself... pretty much ruining my day and making it a waste of time and money.

Suggestions and comments are all welcomed.

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful opinions and comments. I printed out all your answers and will discuss them with the hubby-to-be.

Answer 1

It is YOUR wedding, so you need to do what is best for you and your future husband. If this "spawn" (love the term; I've used it myself a few times..haha) has been so horrible to the two of you, then the best man has got to have some knowledge about it at this point. You and your fiancee need to approach the best man and tell him that because of all the problems that his girlfriend has caused in the past you do not want her at your wedding. He needs to understand that. If he gets insulted, then maybe it's time to pick a different best man.
There is no need to invite anyone that you would rather not have, other than in certain situations of proper etiquette. I ended up inviting a certain "spawn" to my wedding because she was one of my best friend's five children, and I couldn't invite six out of seven of their family. I did not, however, think she would cause any problems at the wedding (which she didn't), but that didn't make it any more distasteful to invite her.

Answer 2

Unfortunately this will put the bestman in the middle. Is he aware of your feelings towards her?

I think a lot of this depends on how long the bestman has been dating her & how objective he is towards her behavior.

If it is a stable, longterm relationship ~ you should invite her. Sorry to say, but if she isn't invited she might cause a problem for the BM, which could end up interfering w/your wedding anyhow. There could be a big drawn out headache which is a lot worse than just ignoring her for one day.

If they have only been dating a short while, then you could get away w/out inviting her as long as BM sees the trouble she causes you. If BM agrees w/you ~ then don't invite her. Just make sure that BM is aware of your feelings & why.

However, if BM is one of those guys who is unable to be objective & see his girlfriends flaws then you may have to invite her just to keep the peace between BM & your fiance.

If you do invite her, you can always enlist the ushers to try and seat her in the back for the ceremony. That way you don't have to see her or look at her when walking down the aisle. Also, if you are having a formal sitdown meal, stick her at a table far away from you ~ the less you see of her the better =)

Good luck with this one. I'll keep my fingers crossed that they break up ;)

Answer 3

If this replaced into intentional it replaced into somewhat cheesy to ask you to the bathe w/o inviting you to the marriage. it would tick me off too if this happened to me! Too undesirable you already sent the present. i might call the bride's mom to make sparkling or embarrass, in spite of the fact that the case may well be: "i replaced into invited to the bathe, yet under no circumstances gained an invite to the marriage. i'm questioning if perhaps my invitation replaced into lost interior the mail." And sometimes, it somewhat is. My mum and dad are making plans their anniversary party, and each and all of the clergy at their synagogue gained an invite different than the pinnacle rabbi. He wasn't particular in spite of the fact that if he might desire to declare something, yet he spoke up. My mum and dad are actually investigating in spite of the fact that if there replaced right into a mix up on the invites shop or the post place of work. a minimum of somebody else did not receive their invitation the two.

Answer 4

I wouldnt send her an invite directly, but put & guest on his invitation and leave it up to him. If you invite her individually you run the risk of her coming even if they break up, then she'll definitely come a wreak havoc, especially if its a bad breakup. Yikes, could you imagine!
But in all honesty, I doubt you will even know she is there the day of. You will be so busy, you probably wont even see her. Its important that this man know up front though your expectations from him and what that means for his date, which is to say, that anyone he brings will be on her own for the day. His guest wont be welcome during the time when pictures are being taken, at the private cocktail hour, at the head table with him etc. She will have to be independant and not cause any problems for you. Its babsically, she will be his date after the formalities are over and done with. If you pose it to him like this, its very possible he may decide to beg her off for the day by saying that she wont have any fun or know anyone, but even if she does come, at least he will have told he up front that this is the way things are going to work that day.

Good luck!

Answer 5

talk about a rock and a hard place. it's your wedding, and you are not obligated to invite anyone you do not want to be there. that said, just prepare to deal with an angry best man. if your wedding is a smaller event, than you may have a better chance of getting away with not inviting her. however, if you are inviting your best friend from 4th grade and her grandma, than things may look fishy.

weigh your choices - would you rather deal with the best man who may be upset that his girlfriend isn't at your wedding, or would you rather have this devil-like girl ruining your big day? I'd say, when you look back at it, you may regret not inviting her less than ticking off the bm.

Answer 6

The idea of sending the invitation to the best man and guest is a good one. You can't afford to look mean on this one.

Remember that there are likely to be a few difficult people at every wedding. The best man, other groomsmen and ushers, matron of honour and bridesmaids are all SUPPOSED to be there to help (although in reality, most of them are a dead loss in that respect).

Identify all the potential problem individuals likely to be present and place at least a couple of "minders" (each) to keep an eye on each of them and steer them out of trouble. Give the minders strict instructions to bring in help should things begin to get a bit difficult and make sure that the help can be readily identified -- e.g. venue staff if the wedding is in a hotel or function room of some sort. Managers are used to dealing with obstreperous guests in these circumstances.

And make sure that there's someone reliable appointed to supervise all the minders and ensure that they do their jobs and to deal with any unexpected problems like Great-Aunt Matilda getting tipsy.

Answer 7

You send an invitation to everyone in the wedding party, add & Guest to any of the single people, such as your best man. Who knows, maybe even he doesn't want to bring her, and that would help him out.
Just because you don't invite someone, doesn't mean they won't crash it anyways. Hire a bouncer (or security) to escort people out who are causing trouble. Better that than having family and friends getting into a scuffle with a trouble maker.
I'll bet that woman causes you grief because she is jealous. Once the wedding is over, put your foot down and tell the best man not to bring her with him when he visits. There is no good reason to put up with a person who acts like that.

Answer 8

I don't see how you could not invite her, if she's the best man's girlfriend. What I would do, though, is not invite her directly, if you think there's a chance that they might break up. Instead, send an invitiation to ' and guest'

If it's inevitable that she is going to be there, maybe you could give her a 'job' that will keep her mind occupied and also make her feel a valued part of the wedding & reception. Perhaps if she feels wanted and respected, she will behave better.

Answer 9

I f you don't invite her you run the risk of hurting your best man. I would send the invitation to your best man and guest, and hope that they break up. If they don't, you will be so busy with family and friends that you will hardley notice she is there.

Are there any close friends that can keep an eye on her during the reception? That way if she causes any trouble they can escort her out of the room or distract her so that you don't have to deal with any of it?

I know I would not have any problem with that duty for one of my friends.

In fact my best friend was married last month, and there was a few people we were nervous about (one girl particularly that was as nasty as yours seems to be), much to our relief no drama at all happened. (But I was prepared!)

You will be surrounded by allies so I don't think you need to wory about it!

Good luck

Answer 10

Got any hot girlfriends ???? i say start getting girls around this guy an make him dump the girl friend lol but hey you can just invite her and sit her on the other side of the room with family that might not speak english lol but dont let her drag you down after the wedding you dont have to see or speak to her an you might just see her for 1 hr tops