In the past my boyfriend (who is very popular with the ladies) was always overly nice to every ex he dated, he was the sweetest guy and did everything to please the girl and they always ended up cheating on him. Now for some reason although he is really good to me in almost every way he does certain things sometimes that upset me and when I confront him about his ignorance and we talk about it, he says "I spent my whole life being nice to girls and they cheated and left me and even though I am not an nice to you sometimes (not an asshole), you hang around" I mean they are not big things or I wouldn't be with him for 4 years in august. I just think because I have always been extremely nice to him in every way, doing what he wants and being sweet, do you think that I have been too nice? Why does he act like this when I have been the best gf he has had and never cheated and he says that too" I mean its weird, should I back off from being so nice all the time and be a *****?
2007-07-30 14:06:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Not at all. Be yourself and he will hopefully realize how good he has it. If not then you will have a big decision to make and may have to give him the travel card. But hopefully as he matures and learns how good he has it he will come to appreciate your honesty and be grateful to have such a fine female in his life. Sometimes for either sex it is difficult to gain a lot of trust in our relationships especially if we have been burnt previously. But don't attempt to be someone or something that you are not. Best of luck to you both.
2007-07-30 14:12:35 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not good to return retaliation. It's good enough already that you have communication and that he notices and respects the fact that you have been the best girlfriend and wouldn't cheat on him. But don't stop being nice, explain to him that you being nice is not taking advantage of his past relationships. You care, you appreciate and your there for him. Ask for less negativity, and speak it out. Notify him a lot of your situation.
2007-07-30 21:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by Raisha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is passing all his heartache on you. Guys do this. They get a kick out of it. One of my friends suffered from this kind of relationship. You need to seriously straighten out things with this guy. Tell him that you are not like his other ex and never be. Use the 'b**ch' word often to describe his ex and he'll listen to you. He needs to know you know he's been hurt and he needs the comfort the you'll always be there for him.
Remember it's easy for you to break up but in the end, you'll be more hurt than him. (And maybe you can save another girl from some pain.)
2007-07-30 21:14:20 · answer #3 · answered by Felix CG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between being nice and being a doormat. If you are generally a nice person, then continue being who you are. If you feel like your generosity is being taken advantage of, then you need to assert yourself. There is no reason for you to be "doing what he wants", rather you need to be doing what you want and in your own way. Just keep your eyes open and dont be naive to his being "nice" to every ex. That is completely innappropriate and unnecessary and usually leads to other things
2007-07-30 21:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by vixxen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he punishing you for what his ex's did to him? If he wants to hold onto you he should treat you the way you want him too, and no one knows better than yourself how you want to be treated. Him being "not so nice" is not making your relationship easier, it sounds like it's driving you a little further away from him. You don't sound like the type of girl that wants to be stuck with someone who doesn't treat you good, so let him know he's driving you away from him.
2007-07-30 21:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by lippy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be mean to him just to be mean, but don't take his crap. If he is being rude, stop him and don't let him get away with his nice guy speech. Don't let him control you, but don't excessively rude to him. Talk things out with him and tell him that you're different. You don't sound like a girl that would cheat, so make sure he knows that.
2007-07-30 21:12:34 · answer #6 · answered by Dorphinoct 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey darling -
i think he is trying to correct his previous mistakes on you. he has been cheated on and hurt - so now he is trying to be different to prevent himself from getting hurt again.
Tell him, just because you're trying to guard yourself from getting hurt, doesn't mean i don't deserve to be loved and treated correctly.
Assure him that you understand what he's gone through, and that you love him and just want to be happy.
Dont be a ***** like the exes that cheated on him. But you sometime have to be cruel to be kind. It looks like he is attracted to those type of girls. So not necessarily saying to go cheat on him. But sometimes try to withdraw and be a little bit cold, to make him want to keep coming for more.
Dont be tooo nice. Be nice, but not tooo much. ok....
2007-07-30 21:13:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kendi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't play games, don't worry about being "too nice" or not nice enough.
Treat him the way you would want to be treated. Say I love you, I am sorry, and "your right" often.
What does he do that "upsets you"?
Pick and choose your fights, ask your self if its worth it.
2007-07-30 21:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by leahlovesspam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are a nice person by nature then keep it that way. but if its a stretch for you then stop. i would always do that to and finally one day my boyfriend asked me why. and i told him it was to make him happy. but he was already happy. and i bet since you've been dating for 4 years he is happy too.
2007-07-30 21:11:42 · answer #9 · answered by faithryanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does something to upset you tell him but try to in a nice way so you dont hurt his feelings if you dont know what to say just say " could you please not blank it kind of bothers me." Hope I helped
2007-07-30 21:15:37 · answer #10 · answered by Scarlett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋