previously I asked a question about how to handle the inevitable stress with my step father and father in the same room when my fiance and I get married. I have decided to NOT have my step-father there...here's the problem...
I am very non-confrontational...this WILL be a confrontation. He will be angry and his anger will make ME angry
(long story short- my mom passed 5 yrs ago and had left me a sizable amount of money- my step dad needed money- in a lapse of judgement I allowed him control- with the promise he would assist me in my debt once his was cleared- he does not feel I should have any of the money- which he has actually spent all of. He quit his job and has been driving around the country aimlessly)
I maintained a relationship with him out of respect for my mother and because my son loves his grampa...
obviously, this will be a defining moment when I ask him to not attend my wedding...any suggestions on how to do this?
2007-07-30 12:59:54 · 14 answers · asked by jmd72inva 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he has been my step father since I was 5...I am now 34. This side of him was NOT evident until after my mom passed...I tried to maintain even a shred of a relationship in hopes his personality change was due to grief. If that IS the case, I feel that has expired.
2007-07-30 13:09:23 · update #1
Hey you deadbeat cheapskate, I DO NOT want you at my wedding and I dont want you near my son. Got a problem with that, talk to management.
2007-07-30 13:09:41 · answer #1 · answered by Coach 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's actually very simple to keep this non-confrontational. Do not send an invitation and do not talk about the wedding when you are around him. Ask others that may bring the subject up to keep the subject closed when speaking to him. If he should know the place and time of the wedding and show up, have someone in place to escort him out of the building quietly. If he decides to make a scene it is not that it will look bad on you, but on him. I think that the whole "uninvited" talk can be an emotional situation that you should not have to have with him. As far as your son goes, it's commendable that you are allowing him to be involved for the sake of him but is it really healthy to have an obligation to someone that really isn't your family and has caused serious turmoil for you? Eventually it will be, how do I not invite him to this event or this gathering? I would suggest cutting all contact with him off as soon as possible. The sooner the better as the situation will mend itself and you can move on with your life, guilt free. Good luck in this situation!
2007-07-30 16:27:03 · answer #2 · answered by Ashley M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This question is awry somewhere. Your father and step father BOTH should act with dignity to have no stress on you. If your son refers to this man as grampa.....you evidently allow for some time/visits with him. Are you sure it's not just the money that is TRULY your grudge? We know your dad doesn't care for the man, but obviously your mom cared for him deeply, as you state in respect for her. You must ask yourself, if your Mother was still alive, what would your decision be then? How will you explain/change things with your son and his relationship after you drop the bomb on him. If he drives aimlessly around the country as you state, if he is invited, why would he attend? If he didn't care one iota about you, why would he be angry?
Sorry, I just really have a gut feeling there is alot more to this than trying to pass it off as your father/step dad doesn't get along.
2007-07-30 13:26:46 · answer #3 · answered by DollyLama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow - that's tough. While you may look at this as a one-time thing, you need to understand that once you make that kind of decision, you will cease to have a r'ship with your step father. I'm sure you wouldn't be upset over that but your son might. Now, in reality, this guy might not even be a good influence on your son. So perhaps it's for the best. Just know that if you ask your step father not to attend, it will cause a huge rift that will forever change your r'ship. If you're ok with that, then go forward with it.
2007-07-30 13:10:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just don't say anything to him about the wedding! If he is driving aimlessly around the country how will he know he wasn't invited. Besides, with the underhandedness he has demonstrated, does he even deserve to be in your life?
Your son will get over the fact that grandpa didn't make it to the wedding, so don't sweat it!
2007-07-30 13:06:00 · answer #5 · answered by SexRexRx 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough question, but you dont want any conflict at your wedding. If your mother was alive it would be different but she is not. and this man has not done the right thing by you. I dont think there is an easy way to tell him. You are just going to have to be very brave. Get your fiance to stand by you when you tell him. Create a united front. he may not be quite as bad as you think if you are both there. Good luck with this one!
2007-07-30 13:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Had a smiliar situation at with my wedding - problem solved by having a small wedding and many people got announcements saying that we were married in a small cerimony - it also helped that my family is all over the country. Mail out the anouncements about a week after the wedding - everything went great!
2007-07-30 13:17:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Simple. Do not send him an invitation and do NOT talk about the wedding date/location to him. This will be easy if he doesn't talk to a lot of your friends or relatives.
Or let him know he is NOT welcome at your wedding day and if he does show up you will have him escorted out by security.
2007-07-31 02:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't even understand why you are still in contact with him if he's as nuts as you say. Your mom would not have wanted you to bankrupt yourself for him as evidenced by the fact that the money was left to you - Not Him. Don't tell him you're getting married and he won't even know about it.
2007-07-30 17:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way with out having to be face to face to is send a letter to him and explain your feeling (ex, your father the money) or an e-mail if he doesn't live in one place.
2007-07-30 13:06:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋