I'm 31 and have wanted to have a family for about 5 years now. No one has seemed to worked out. I've looked at myself, made positive changes, dated several men, I work out, have a good job, have my own friends etc. so I consider myself stable and a good catch. I've been dating my current BF for 3 yrs now..I feel like it's been too long to go without a proposal. And not to mention everyone I know has gotten engaged or married and it hurts so bad. There's a wedding coming up that we are supposed to go to together and he's a groomsman...I can't bear the thought of going to this wedding. I'll fall apart and will embarras myself. I mean I could go and try to keep it together but I know when I see the other bride walk down the isle..OMG I can't even think about it.
Anyone felt this way? Please nice responses only....
2007-07-30 10:51:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance and I dated for a while before getting engaged, almost four years!
I know people who have dated for less than you have, gotten married, and have gotten divorced already. I know people who've dated for six years before getting married and are still together today!
Have you TALKED marriage with him at all? If you haven't I would not expect a proposal for a while yet. If you have, perhaps he's waiting for the perfect moment or saving up.
2007-07-31 02:27:33 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm a 49-year-old first time bride, so I've been to a lot of other people's weddings before I get to my own. While I may have wanted what they were getting, I was able to separate my longing from their happiness, and be happy for the couples. Their weddings are about them, not about me. You need to look at this differently. When you find the right guy and you both know that marriage is right, it will happen. Feeling sick about other people's joy isn't healthy, honey. And, if after three years, this guy you're with doesn't want to get married, then perhaps you should continue to look for the right guy for you. Until you can change your perspective, I would recommend you not go to the wedding if you're not sure you can be an appropriate guest. Don't ruin this couple's day because you're jealous.
2007-07-30 18:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I am in your boat. We just got back from my best friend's wedding and I dreaded going as a result of feeling like you do.
My guy and I have been together almost 3 years. And I finally asked him after the wedding what the deal was, why weren't we engaged or at least talking about it. I am a highly successful individual and financially stable. His reply,
"because while you are completely stable and comfortable, I want to feel like I can contribute to that. At the moment things in my professional life aren't, and I want to feel like we can be partners in anything that comes along."
Your guy might be feeling the same way. Most won't say it aloud, mine came in an IM when I said I had enough and was walking away. Just be there for your friends, because in the long run, if both of you feel supported by the other and feel you can equally contribute to the relationship/marriage, it will have better chances at lasting forever.
All the best!
2007-07-30 18:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by christabella611 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's a question you need to ask yourself: Do you really want to marry the man you're dating, or do you just want to get married? As much as you want a family, please understand that your self worth DOES NOT depend on your being married and having a family. Your self worth depends entirely on YOU. (repeat this to yourself 10 times a day!) You must be a whole person on your own.
If you're really in love with this man, then why don't you have a heart-to-heart talk with him about your relationship and what the two of you want. I don't think that a woman should have to wait for a man to propose. You're an intelligent professional woman. Be proactive and claim some power over your own life and circumstances. Be willing to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. If you think that this relationship is the Real Thing, tell him that. It's prefectly fair and understandable to want a committment after 3 years of dating. Just talk to him. Go to the wedding. Pull it together and remember: your self worth is not determined by your relationship to a man. Your self worth comes from within you!
All the best :-)
2007-07-30 18:05:27 · answer #4 · answered by SE 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel about the wedding. I think after three years, it's okay to talk about the future and see if he has any desire for marriage and family. Tell him how important it is to you. If he doesn't, you should walk away because it is very important to you. If you have this talk before the wedding, then either you have broken up and aren't going to go, or you have decided to start planning a future together.
And 31 is not old! You have plenty of time to find the right guy who wants the same things you do.
2007-07-30 18:33:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Three years isn't THAT long to be with someone w/o getting married. You need to take a step back. Do you actually want to marry THIS guy or do you just want to get married in general? If it's the latter, then I suggest you take some alone time. It isn't fair for you to stay in a relationship with someone because you don't want to be alone.
As for going to the wedding, that is totally up to you. If you can't put your feelings aside and be happy for the coupe (happens to the best of us don't be upset) then decline the invitation. Your SO might be disappointed that you aren't going, so be prepared for that. But don't use it as a manipulation tool to get him to pop the question, either. That is always a BAD thing to do. Try and cheer up, don't be in such a rush to do things, and enjoy the life you DO have.
2007-07-30 17:59:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
31 is not that old to not be married. I think that you have to realize that not everyone is the same. You should be thankful that you have a boyfriend and have had dates, you have a good job, good friends and you work out. There are many people that are in a worse place than you, such as people with terminal diseases and people that don't and can't make friends. Stop being selfish and support your boyfriend and his friends on their wedding day.
2007-07-30 21:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by drruth 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I was with mine for 5 years before we got married. It took him 4 and a half years to ask me, we had been to 7 weddings together before we got engaged. I caught every bouquet at every wedding hoping that one day he would ask.
Guys take a long time to do this. My friend has been with her man for 9 years and still no ring. Some men just want to wait along time, others don't want to at all. I would talk to him about it but not push him. If he does not want to get married then you have to decied, do you want to stay with him or move on.
2007-07-30 17:58:58 · answer #8 · answered by Va princess 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hon this is going to hurt a little bit but seriously grow up. If you want to get married you need to communicate this to your boyfriend. Men do not get subtle. Tell him straight out, I want to get married and have a family. He might not want either of those things, so you could be totally wasting your time with him. If you have come right out and told him I want to get married and nothing has happened, you need to ask him point blank - Are we ever going to get married? If it's a no, move on. If it's a yes, pin down a time frame right then and there. Seriously falling apart because someone else is getting married is ridiculous, you're an adult act like it.
2007-07-31 01:04:57 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was with my ex for 9.5 yrs and we never got married then I was with my now husband for 6months before he proposed and I said yes! Every relationship is different. Maybe your bf isn't marriage-minded and is only looking for fun, or even just stability, in a relationship.
I think that if you are really serious about getting married then you need to tell your bf that you are looking for a lifelong commitment and if that's not what he wants then he needs to start packing.
2007-07-30 18:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by ravens_angel78 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋