I have dated the same guy for almost 7 yrs. I have decided its time to get the perks of a marriage, and he says he will not marry me.
I have decided I am not going to have sex with him anymore if thats the way he feels.
What do you think. Is it me or is it him. Have I just been made a fool of?
2007-07-30 10:26:10 · 25 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would not, because that would mean I was settling. Comfortable isn't love and passion, that just means it takes less effort to stay than to go, and my partner is "acceptable" but I'm not head-over-heels crazy about him.
I settled once before...I learned that it wasn't right for me and won't do it again. I'll either have everything I want in a relationship, or I'll stay single. Either may, my life will be as groovy as I make it. ☺
2007-07-30 10:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's interesting that you stated you would stop having sex with him. It sounds like there is a reason you believe he is only in it for the sex, or you feel like sex would be enough reason for him to change his mind. And if you are looking for marriage then it sounds like the relationship is more to you than just sex. I also wonder your age.
The question you need to ask yourself is what are the REALISTIC options you can take.
You cannot give someone an ultimatum either with words or sex and not expect to be dissapointed because the usual outcome is that.
If he asked you to change your mind about marriage or he'll have to move on or stop --let's say buying you dinners and a movie...would you?
Im sure you've heard, you can't change someone only yourself, and yes, that's true.
Also you need to ask yourself--what is it about someone that would make you want to marry them. Him having the same values or being in the same place in life as you are would be a few reasons.
The thing is that most people do not want to accept is that it is always them. And them. So both people. No matter what situation because not doing something about a situation where you feel needs change IS DOING SOMETHING.
Only you can answer this, however, my advice is what kind of choice can you realisticly make right now and for the next few moments of your life and be able to live and follow through with it?
7 years is a long time, you haven't been waiting--you have been growing.
But surpressing your wishes is painful, not staying in your comfort zone will be too. Which is the harder choice for you?
2007-07-30 17:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by diana g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been made a fool of. Sorry. Like the old saying, "why buy the cow if the milk is free?". A bit harsh I suppose, it needs to be said. If he had any intention of marrying you, he would have already. Don't waste anymore time on him. Find a real man and leave the sex out to begin with.
2007-07-30 17:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by homert1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is both of you. Why did you wait 7 years to make a decision to commit to the guy you've been sleeping with? That only told him that you were there for the sex, not a relationship for life. No strings, no responsibility. If you are serious about getting married, go see a marriage counselour for advice. If he still refuses, there is no point in going forward in this relationship. You will have let yourself be used. No strings, no responsibility.
2007-07-30 17:31:12 · answer #4 · answered by r.p. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one of your goals is to get married and maintain stability, and it's not his, why are you wasting your time? Comfort can only be so satisfying. Why even punish him? Just leave him and look at the 7 years as a learning experience. You will meet someone who want the same things you do. Good luck
2007-07-30 17:33:53 · answer #5 · answered by JuDyLicious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy, I think you have been made a "FOOL" of if sex is all he wants, if he doesn't want marriage after 7 years I'd say bb, bb. and find another that doesn't want sex before you get married. There are some out there. Friend Jimmy.
2007-07-30 17:50:00 · answer #6 · answered by Jimmy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You Need To Do What "Feels" Right For YOU.
If I really wanted to get married, I would have to tell him that I needed to leave the relationship........even if he agreed to marry you at this point it would never work because he really doesn't want to.
The thing about you not giving him sex will NEVER work. It will just make him mad and in the end you will either give in anyway or there will be alot of anger and a break-up......good luck dear, you will need it if you really try and get what you want
2007-07-30 17:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by amber 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not stick around. If you have devoted 7 years to this man and he doesn't think you are worth marrying than you are wasting your time. You will be better off without him and with someone that wants to spend the rest of there life with you.
2007-07-30 17:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by its just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why the sudden urge to get married? Only give an ultimatum if you can handle either answer. I dated the same girl for 6 years, and the same thing came up. I was not ready to marry her for various reasons. She said then it is over, and it was.
2007-07-30 17:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all how old are you? Maybe he thinks its too soon. Most guys though just like knowing that your there when he needs you but that you would still be easy to dump when he needs a quick excit. Most guys get scared of the whole "marry me" thing. Don't worry...it happens to the lot of us! Just do what feels right.
2007-07-30 17:32:54 · answer #10 · answered by Emmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋