I have 2 close friends from college. Friend A lives near me and is very close to me. Friend B is another state and we have drifted apart somewhat, but I still consider her a very close friend. For ease of planning, I asked Friend A to be my MOH and Friend B to be a bridesmaid. Friend B says she understands why I would I would pick Friend A to be my MOH, but has turned down my invitation and refuses to be a bridesmaid. She says her pride is hurt. What do I do? I really want Friend A to be my MOH.
2007-07-30 10:00:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thank you to all for your responses. My gut feeling was that I just had to accept Friend B's decision, and your answers just confirmed it. I do have to agree with you that I am shocked that a "close" frined of mine would have that attitude, but like you said, it takes all kinds I guess.
I am now happy she won't be part of the wedding because who knows what else she would do if she is capable of doing something like that?
Thanks again!
2007-07-31 03:36:14 · update #1
Just a tip, because I was you 8 1/2 years ago. I chose because I believed the closer friend would be the better choice. BOY was I WRONG! I should never have done that. The far away friend was my real MOH, she just didnt get the honor of the title.
My point, dont choose because its convienient, you need someone who you can depend on, chose the person that will be your right arm and never complain. I live 2 hours away from my BF, that didnt stop me from being at every fitting, meeting, luncheon etc, distance is not going to be a problem for your friend B, but the hassle of being a MOH may just be a problem for your friend A. Choose Wisely.
2007-07-30 10:16:58 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are right, you shouldn't have to explain this because it IS your choice... However, if you are on here, you are letting it get to you... The stress, the drama... Be completely blunt in the next email you send her: "Maybe when we were growing up, we day dreamed that we would always be a part of each others wedding by standing as a bridesmaid, but we have drifted a part so far, that we barely even speak to each other... It shocks me that you are this upset over this... If roles were reversed, it would probably be the same situation... Seeing each other 5 times a year does not classify you as a good friend..." After reading it back, I'm making you attack her, ha ha. Which isn't my intention. You don't want any hard feelings, but she is making things more difficult. You have to let her know the absolute truth...
2016-04-01 00:34:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I don't understand that reaction at all. It is an honor to be asked to be in a wedding whether you are the MOH or a bridesmaid or anything else.
I agree that you should respect her decision and still invite her to the wedding. If she doesn't want to participate in your wedding it's probably a blessing in disguise for you!!
I think you picked the right MOH you said yourself that you live close by and are very close, who better to help you!!
Good luck!
2007-07-30 11:50:03 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she was being honest with you about understanding, she would happily accept your invitation to be a bridesmaid and try to help with anything that she could.... I would leave it in her court....if she doesnt want to be in the wedding just cuz she's not the MOH then just say ok....and make it clear that she is invited to the wedding as a guest then. Sounds like she's upset because she wont be the center of attention, so consider yourself lucky that she declined and u aren't left dealing with a MOH-zilla....lol Stick with your decision!!!
Good Luck
2007-07-30 10:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by legends_chick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't do anything. You have the MOH that you want and your other friend isn't going to be in the wedding at all. That's her choice to make. She's a bit immature so probably she wouldn't have made a good MOH or bridesmaid. Just let it go.
2007-07-30 10:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is her decision. If she understands why you are having friend A, then she truely is being silly to turn you down. People are way too sensitive over this issue.
You could either....
A) decide to cut your losses and only have friend A. it was her choice to turn you down after all. She could come as a guest.
B) change your plans and just call them both bridesmaids, but secretly let friend A. know she is the MOH and that way she will be there to help you plan etc, and friend B's feelings will still be intact.
Up to you.
Good luck.
2007-07-30 10:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
gee its not like you are asking friend b to be the janitor and clean up after the reception. how rude of her. if she has truly turned down your bridesmaid request and says that if she is not moh she does not want to be in your wedding, and by the way i have never heard of someone doing that, but, it takes all kinds, then, tell her you are sorry she feels that way and hope she will be able to attend as a guest. i am really sorry someone is doing that to you. but, it is rude of someone to make a bride feel bad that the bride is not doing enuf for THEM , and, well, try to put it and her out of your mind.
2007-07-30 11:48:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she's throwing herself a little pity party. all you can do is tell her that you would really appreciate her being a bridesmaid for you, and if she still refuses, then that's her problem, not yours. don't let her guilt trip you and make you feel bad, you've done nothing wrong here. but if she's making a big hissy fit about this now, then who knows what she'll do when something else happens that doesn't go her way, you may end up being better off without her in the long run.
2007-07-30 10:09:56 · answer #8 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say just let her stick with her decision. I would still invite her to your wedding and let her know that is she changes her mind then you might reconsider. but that also depends on when she changes her mind cause if its too late then its too late. I think you shouldnt have to explain anything to her. and if it gets really bad, cause this same thing happened to my friend. She just dropped everyone in her line because of the chaos and put both of her sisters in the line and that was final. Afterwards the girl that caused the problem felt bad and said she was sorry. but she still had a great wedding and everyone was happy. but i would just stick with what you got.
2007-07-30 10:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by brownfriend19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that was rude of her. some friend she is!!! you do not have to have two MOH's if you do not want to and it seems like you made the right choice. i am sorry she treated you like this, but if she is going to be this petty about this issue, think what she will do when the wedding rolls around.
2007-07-30 10:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by Christina V 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋