My friend asked me to be her bridesmaid and buy her dress 2 weeks before my wedding last Oct. even when her wedding was over a year away. Which I thought was a little rude but I said yes anyway, but off buy the dress till I was back and could afford the dress. In Dec, she asks me to buy the dress, but by then my money was tight, (as in living pay check to pay check, owning a new house & just getting married will do that to you) I tell her that I think it is best that I back out as a bridesmaids due to the fact that I can not live up to my bridesmaid duties.(others backed out too) She seemed to understand. Her wedding is/was in July so I gave her enough time. We keep talking and nothing seems different. Well I was never invited to the wedding. I think that was kind of rude to ask me to be her bridesmaid but when I can’t she didn't invite me at her wedding?
(Now keep in mind this whole time she keeps saying she is not sure she wants to marry this guys at all)
2007-07-30 09:52:59 · 10 answers · asked by Ghoulina 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Just to note. I invited her to my wedding but she could not make it. I did however giver her wedding favors and show her our wedding video. I also was helping her with picking out flowers, dresses, & colors. I was still doing that stuff even after I told her I could not be in the wedding.
2007-07-30 09:55:08 · update #1
I backed out way in advance and talked to her in great detail. I also told her when I agreed to become a bridesmaid that I had money issues and she knew this all along. Thats how close we where. She wanted things done her way as soon as possible. I don't know why others backed out. As for me I told her in advance I gave her 7-8 month notice. I even told her in Nov. It was not looking good. This was a month after my wedding.
2007-07-30 10:27:56 · update #2
You are right she is rude. She should have understood your situation with finances planning your wedding. Obviously she knows what finances are like during her wedding, just a year later. You could have waited to get the bridesmaid dress. It's not like she was getting them from Europe and this was last dress they had.. Then to not invite you to her wedding after she asked you to be a bridesmaid and you helped her with the flower. You had a good reason for not being able to be a bridesmaid. It's not like you didn't like the dress and said sorry I can't. And I am sure that you felt really bad that you could not make it work. She did this to spite you. Obviously she is looking out for number one . Bridzilla is right. I think you did the right thing and I'm just sorry that she did what she did. You are a true friend and it' her loss that she has turned her back on you. Well karma will kick her in the butt and maybe one day she will realize that the marriage wasn't meant to be. That what she put you thru should have been different> You deserve better in a friend.
2007-07-30 13:38:40 · answer #1 · answered by CraftyG's 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those bride shows on cable TV all say that if a person can't do the bridesmaid/maid of honor thing, it is best to decline the offer, or quit. I imagine that time is involved here, it would be very rude to quit just before the wedding, unless there was a really good excuse.
I can't imagine buying bridesmaid dresses so far in advance, especially if they were off the rack, and not ordered. If she cancelled the wedding, close to the date, you would not be able to get your money back for the dress.
The way to do things, brides, is to make sure your bridesmaids know your expectations way in advance, and the dress purchase would have been one of those things that should have been discussed, along with a timeline for the rest of the pre-wedding activities. .
I would not worry about it anymore, since it became fashionable to act like a 3 year old spoiled brat drunken diva when preparing for a wedding, manners are not as important. . Consider it a blessing you were not invited, and that you saved yourself the trouble and price of buying a present.. I gather you did not act like that before your wedding, you even gave her a gift!
And to expect you to even consider shopping for anything for her 2 weeks before your own wedding was, in my mind, a clear attempt to upstage you and your wedding. And very rude. And not to attend after her demand you buy a bridesmaid dress months too soon was another attempt to upstage. Did she invite the others who backed out?
Write it off, this is not a true friend.
2007-07-30 20:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She may have been seriously hurt by the fact that you asked not to be in the wedding, and decided that you weren't as good a friend as she thought.
It's totally understandable that money was tight right after your own wedding, did you ask her why she wanted you to buy the bridesmaid dress so early when you couldn't really afford it? Maybe she would have been more understanding if you explained your financial situation. I mean, if her wedding was in July, and she was asking you to buy your dress more than 8 months out...that's a bit odd. But you just recently got married, so you know how stressful it can be. I suspect she was very hurt by your request not to be in the wedding, even though she may not have said so.
The whole thing about her not knowing if she wants to marry her fiance, is irrelevant to this story, unless you were waiting to buy the dress until you felt like the wedding was a certainty. Which may have added fuel to the fire.
She should have talked to you about how much it bothered her that you asked not to be in the bridal party. But it was pretty crappy that you (and others) backed out. You should have told her that you couldn't do it from the beginning. Especially if you knew you had money issues.
2007-07-30 17:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by firebetty74 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Major Bridezilla!
I had a serious issue with a friend of mine during the year I planned my wedding. I had asked this friend to be a BM & she confirmed. Than - 4 months later, she got engaged.
Now mind you my wedding was 8 months before hers ... but instead of coming to dress fittings, shoe shopping, etc. ... She made dates with her mother to shop for her wedding instead.
Almost 3 months before my wedding date I called her and told her what I thought - Major narcissistic issues & her friendship was severely lacking. I removed her from the bridal party.
My thoughts - in times of great emotional stress - the people closest to you reveal their true colors. I saw how one-sided Kim's street was and I also found two very great women who had been in my life for a long time - who stood up and took the reins to make sure my day was perfect.
Dismiss the bad, look for the good - and be thankful you found out now!
2007-07-30 17:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by tristaC77 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend seems self centered and thinks of nothing but herself. If I where you I would move on. That or wait till she see what a mistake she made. Who asks a friend to buy a dress a few weeks before their own wedding. I mean really who thoughtless and just self absorbed. Get new friends, you don't need that kind sweetheart.
2007-07-30 17:39:52 · answer #5 · answered by Sparrow 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a brat. It's probably just as well that she didn't come to your wedding and I would back away from her as quickly as you can. She is no friend.
2007-07-30 18:23:35 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings are jsut a stressful time - I say forgive everything related to weddings and put it down as temporary insanity!
2007-07-30 17:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oops, she was offended more than she let you know.
Pretty childish of her as you did provide her with ample notice.
Move on, she is not the friend you thought she was.
2007-07-30 17:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Narcissistic and self centered is what I call that. Who needs enemies when you have "friends" like that!!
2007-07-30 17:04:10 · answer #9 · answered by porkchop 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who knows why people do weird stuff...don't worry yourself about her...she seems a bit shallow.
2007-07-30 17:17:20 · answer #10 · answered by Michele 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋