still can't seem to let her into my heart. I was hurt by my first love and to this point this was 8 years ago i am still not able to let her see my softside or be all lovey dovey with her, i put up this macho front and i don't know why or how to get rid of this i so badly don't want to be like this but i have been doing it so long i have forgotten how to open up and be more of myself to share my emotions and my softer side with her. Please help me!
2007-07-30 09:52:22 · 6 answers · asked by imatrickha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Another reason that makes it so difficult at this point is we have been together for 6 years now and this is the way i have been since day one and she always ask me why can't we get closer and why do i still push her away? But after 6 years of being this way with her if i try to open up and share things with her she thinks i am being a smartass or something is wrong with me i'm drunk or something to that effect. I really do care for her and i want her to know how much exactly but i just can't seem to fight off my innerdemons.
2007-07-30 10:26:13 · update #1
It seems as though this is a problem of trust. As much as you care for and love your wife you can't let your guard down and trust her with your complete heart, in case she too breaks it like your first love.
The first step in eliminating any problem is recognizing that there is a problem but the second and much harder step is actually doing something. You need to set specific goals and work toward meeting them. Start slowly, for instance once a day you could do one thing that stretches your comfort zone. For instance you mentioned acting "lovey dovey" being hard for you. Do one thing, once a day, maybe an unexpected hug or a compliment. You could share a memory that brings out your softer side that she might not know. When you become comfortable with that add one more thing that stretches heart.
It took 8 years for your heart to close, be patient and it will open again.
2007-07-30 10:12:37 · answer #1 · answered by indigolady1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you said it--a problem with a relationship a long time ago--you are now living with a distrust and a suspicion of all women--is that fair?? Is that reasonable?? Is that rational??-NO WAY--You just have to want to change or it will go on like this forever. You get complaints from her?? Is she feeling the chill?? Has she mentioned it?? Maybe you are being too critical of yourself and the problem is not as bad as you say it is. You can go on with a grudge or you can let people enter your life and show that they have their own standards and won't hurt you. Who in the world hasn't had a dose of hurt?? everyone has been hurt !! Why are you going on and on with the drama ??? Time to snap out of it before it drives a wedge between you two. Whether a woman hurts you or some guy slaps you in the head--you just get up --shake it off and move on--can't sulk forever. Good luck, pal
2007-07-30 10:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your needs are few right now, you can do something special for the other members of your little family.
Look at her and the baby as your life project; make sure that they are loved and happy each day.
As you pay attention to everytihng--from the big issues to the smallest ones--you will discover little intimacies that are different from what's on TV or in those silly romantic movies.
Build your life together, step by step, and it will be so much better than those 'turn it on, turn it off' emotional types.
Congratulations for being in tune with your real self, and good luck with your family!
2007-07-30 10:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married doesn't magically change your relationship. You still have the same issues. Understanding your difficulty is a huge step. Just try to take baby steps. She married you, so she probably likes you. Don't worry so much and just try to be more open.
2007-07-30 09:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first you need to look inside yourself are you in love withyour wife or did you marry her because you thought you loved her? I know i got married the first time because i felt like i had to and that was wrong and ended up in divorce 13 years later because neither one of us loved each other it was just comfortable to be together because we were familiar with each other. I too have two kids and they are not the reason to stay married to someone. YOU all have to be happy. talk to her and tell her how you feel, she may just feel the same way you do but she may be afraid to admit it to you. GL!
2007-07-30 09:59:00 · answer #5 · answered by SicilianMomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps counseling can help...although if it was an issue to her, she probably wouldn't have married you.
2007-07-30 09:55:53 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋