Just want some opinions.....
My ex husband and I realized one day that we were better friends than husband and wife. It wasn't exactly that simple but ultimately that is what it has come to. He and I have a very good and close relationship. He and I were married for eight years. He was more of a father to my son than his own real father. Son hated him as a teenager because he tried to father him. Now 21 and grown seems to have a great respect for him. My 13 year old daughter has always loved him.
Ex and I have an 8 year old daughter that will be in the wedding. My parents, My sister-in-law and brother(who are divorced from each other), my aunt and several family members have received invitaions. My aunt sent her repsponse card with my two children listed as coming. She was called by the ex and said it would be best if the kids didn't come. I talked to him about this and this was the wishes of his new bride to be. These kids love him. Why would she have a problem?
2007-07-30 08:51:02 · 13 answers · asked by baadwoman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He went to bat and they are now invited. The problem is why would she feel like this. My family is a representation of me same as my children. I have tried to reach out to her. I sent her a mothers day card from me, in addition to the one from the 8 year old, wishing her a happy first mothers day and how excited I was for she and the ex and telling her that I hoped our relation ship would grow very strong as we were going to be raising a beautiful child together. I now have bad feelings about her. Just some opinions that can help me not be bitter and understand as I truley want a good relationship with her because of my child.
2007-07-30 08:56:10 · update #1
Some of you misunderstood they are not his children they are his former step children. He verably invited the oldest son while he was over recently and were working on his car. He said he didn't see the need to send the kids an invite he felt like he knew someone would be bringing them. He wanted them there but never told her and when she got the reponse card that is when she said something. And as far as children being at the wedding, There are children in the wedding. Mine and his eight year old and one of her little best friends. I know this is not about me and would'nt have these feelings if she hadn't invited the rest of my dang family.
2007-07-30 09:07:50 · update #2
What is very scarry and absolutely not at all what I wanted He stood up to her for something that he believed in and it obviosly was an ordeal, no matter how big or how small, and it involved me. I am incredibly happy for them and have been very torn about this. I want this for them, and I want them to be happy. This is not at all how I am going to get her to feel better about me and loose some of her insecurities.
2007-07-30 09:13:49 · update #3
She feels threatened by you and your relationship with your ex. I am guessing she has no children of her own? She doesn't understand that while you two are divorced, this is the kind of relationship the two of you SHOULD have for the wellbeing of the children. Bitter divorces are very hard on children, and your two are very lucky. In time, hopefully, she will come to understand that the two of you really are just friends, and hopefully will be your friend, too. I think your ex needs to reiterate to her that he is in love with HER, not you. Some women can't grasp the concept of men and women having a totally plutonic relationship.
No, I definitely understood your question, but I also understand that biology isn't the most important factor when it comes to parenting. My mother married my stepdad when I was 14, and my brothers and I all consider him our father. Our biological father is our "sperm donor" and nothing more. Whether or not they are biologically his, emotionally, those are his kids.
2007-07-30 09:06:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems as though she wants to marry your ex and him only. Unfortunately for some reason people do not always see a person and the children too. He has a child with you and he obviously wants to keep his step children in his life. I don't know the whole situation, but this is what I think. I think the bride to be was expecting your ex to leave the kids out of their life. She is now realizing that is not what he wants. They need to seriously discuss this issue prior to getting married. If the bride to be cannot accept "his children" (that's the way he sees it I'm sure) being involved in their life together as a package deal they will never survive in their marriage. You might want to ask him if his bride to be understands she is not just marrying the ex but also the children. She will have to have a relationship with you due to the fact you are right, you all will be raising a child together.
2007-07-30 09:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by plutarian04 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she definately has some pent-up- insecurities that both your x- and her need to work out prior to their wedding. I hope they do!
Even though its his "step-son" and his "step-daughter" they still are his kids! Regardless he had a hand in raising them! They don't need ot be biologically connected to him for there to be a strong bond!
I'm glad he went to bat for the kids- he needed to. Just because you two are divorced is no reason to "drop" the kids! Before you both were married- he knew he was taking on the responsibility of having children! - it doesn't end with the divorce papers! Essentially what her response to the children coming was- is the first step of removing them from her and her new husbands life.. and its wrong!
and I wouldn't worry about any of the above rude responses- most likely they do not have children themselves- and do not understand the impact this type of situation has on children. (and even a 21 yr old...still has feelings!)
2007-07-30 10:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by LuvMy2Kids 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like she is threatened by your friendship with your ex. I think it is wonderful that you are on good terms. I am also from a blended familu. Even though my paretns divorced, my mom remarried and my dads family treated my new stepsister like family.
It isn't the kids fault that a divorce happened. I think his new wife will get that point the more she sees that you are not hanging around with a torch lit for your ex. I say hang in there and keep being your considerate loving self and I am sure she will come around.
It's a great first step that they decided to have your children at the wedding, I am sure his new wife will see how happy that makes him!
2007-07-30 13:10:28 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sounded very "nice" with the mother's day card and all the "welcoming to the ...family".You may have put her in an uncomfortable situation with being overly nice and welcoming "for the sake of the daughter you will raise together".
After all is your daughter and the ex's dtr, she is not the dtr's mom,the card was an overkill and could be misinterpreted.
As for the other kids, not sure why you got offended, they are not his blood relatives, just his "ex's kids".Regardless how much he loves them and they love him this is his/her wedding. Very nice of them that they invited them after all.This is a nice and relaxed environment for all.
I just hope you have no hard feelings now, you sound overly sensitive and trying so hard to do the right thing and I think you over do it.Relax and see how the "music plays" and dance accordingly
2007-07-30 09:11:37 · answer #5 · answered by The_last_Amazona 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
21 is NOT a child
Many brides chose not to have any children at the ceremony and that's their prerogative.
An invite is for the person addressed on the envolope and not to add up uninvited guests by teh dozen. If it said Aunt Betsy, the invite it's for Aunt Betsy and not for teh neighbors and their cousin.
Sorry, but you are rude to impose your adult son and your teenage daughter to a reception.
Yes, it's their day and they can invite whomever they feel like it.
This is about THEM not you, however close relationship you have with yoru ex, this is just WAYYY too much drama for their wedding.
You have to understand that this is their wedding day and not the day to bring the drama of the exes.
Good luck
EDIT: You are being overbering and pushy. Honestly, the newlyweds would like some PRIVACY. Sorry, but sending happity hoppity cards to a woman that you don't know is kind of phsyco. LET THEM BE for heavens sake.
2007-07-30 09:01:11 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What's great about your situation is that the drama that often exists between ex's seems minimal, at worst, and the kids are not stuck in the middle of two adults who can't get pas putting themselves first, so I commend you for that. About the new wife, you have been more than kind and thoughtful in trying to welcome her into the other parts of her future husband's life. Like it or not, when you marry, you marry everyone involved in one's life. So, that may mean and ex or kids and if your children have such a great realtionship with him, she needs to accept it and embrace it instead of fight it b/c that's going to cause more turmoil and drama than anything. People are really unbelievable sometimes. I'm glad he went to bat for them, but I wish he hadn't needed to be prodded to do so. Seems like your gut feeling about her might be headed in the right direction.
2007-07-30 09:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by ellie_jb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be more concerned about why your ex doesn't want his very own kids at his wedding. Something is seriously wrong here for him to bow down to her wishes regarding his kids.
2007-07-30 08:58:35 · answer #8 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very sad to me. I could never imagine my father not including my stepbrother and stepsister in his life even if him and his wife were to divorce. He raised them more than their father. That is very rude and hurtful to do to children. Does he know how they feel about it? If it hurt them and he knew do you think he would change his mind?
2007-07-30 08:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, she's insecure about your relationship with her ex. I think (hope) in time she will grow to understand that if there was anything between you and your ex, you'd still be together- duh- Give her some time and hopefully she'll grow up a little and realize you're not the enemy.
2007-07-30 09:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋