my boyfriend doesn't want my son to see his dad?

Question

My son is 15 yr old, his dad, my boyfriend at that time forced sex on me against my will and I got pregnant 15 years ago. After 2 yrs we split up but I still let my son see his dad. His dad has done other terrible things to me and was a drug user but I still would let him see his son. The dad has left me alone for years and doesn't give me a hard time. He calls my home to speak with our son and comes to pick him up and brings him back. They go fishing, holidays or work.
Now my present boyfriend doesn't want my son to be around him because of the things that happened in the past. He doen't want him near or in my home to see his son. He doesn't want me to speak to him. I feel all is in the past and it is best to get along with his dad for my son's sake. I don't want him to be mad at me later in life for not letting him see his dad. Am I doing the wrong thing?

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is controlling. period. It is none of his business. I have seen this type many times, he is a bad influence for you son. I hope you didn't let him live with you. Your in for an ugly can of worms with this one.

I know I may sound blunt but the problem is loud and clear by what you wrote. You did right in doing your part to keep the father/son relationship in tact. It needs to stay in tact. Don't let your boyfriend control anything in your sons life.

Answer 2

It's good and right to forgive; if your son's father is still leading an unhealthy lifestyle, it may not be healthy for your son - who knows what type of things they talk about on their outings - your son may not feel comfortable talking to you ar your boyfriend about certain things and may trust his father to give him advice. If his father doesn't follow good moral and value standards, he probably won't instill any in your son. Make his visits supervised. If he won't reason with that, tell him why and hope he understands. You don't want your son to think you are the cause of he and his dad not having a relationship. Tell him what his dad did to you...he's old enough, and telling him in a calm way will help him see what the big deal is. You son is almost grown, and if he chooses to maintain the relationship, he'll know what he's getting into.

Answer 3

Your son comes first and foremost it sounds - which is a truly wonderful thing! You are right that your son needs his father, despite the past.

Since you know your son better than anyone you will be sure to notice if any 'bad traits' are being passed to your son thru his dad and can deal with them then, until then a boy really needs his dad.

Should you listen to the bf in your life your son would no doubt turn to despise him for 'taking away his dad' as well as you. Especially being a 15 yr old teen right now. His life is complicated enough without taking away his true father. Let your son grow to be himself yet understand both his parents and where he came from. (Just my humbled opinion)

I applaud you in ensuring you are handling this correctly - you are mom and you sound like you know how to put your child first all while listening to yourself :) So many in this world only think of themselves, and not the children.

Good day to you and I wish you well with this!

Answer 4

Your boyfriend makes a good point, BUT...

1. It is ultimately not your boyfriend's decision. If YOU are comfortable with the father seeing his boy, then you shouldn't stop him. In that case, your boyfriend should bow out of other people's business.

2. The father probably has a legal right to see his son. If so, then your boyfriend is just setting you two up for a very uncomfortable legal battle.

So I would ask yourself one thing: nevermind what your son might think later, but do you think that being with the father now will be harmful to him? Does the father still do drugs? Is he still an abuser? Is he going to be a bad influence on your child? Will he hurt him? If so, you might consider listening to your boyfriend... but don't forget problem #2 that I mention above!

Answer 5

You are doing the right thing.
From what you are saying, your son and his Dad have an OK relationship. And, things have improved great between you and your ex-boyfriend.

Your new boyfriend sounds like the jealous type, and in spite of how thing have changed, harbors unforgiveness.

Legally, your son and his Dad have a right to see each other.
It sound like you have your own problem to deal with: Namely, that you pick out "bad-boys" to date and live with.

For your own sake, ditch the new boyfriend, and upgrade the criteria you use to determine eligible bachelors.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is a control freak and has NO right to butt into the relationship between your son and his father. You could end up losing your son over this. You better take a long hard look at this man you call a boyfriend. What else is he trying to control in your life?
You better stand up for your son NOW.

Answer 7

If he's not hurting your son, that shouldn't be your boyfriend's business. Sounds like your ex needed to grow up. But I am surprised you didn't just leave town with your son and never allowed yourself to be found by your ex. He doesn't sound stable. I hope he is more responsible and bad things don't rub off on your son. Does your son know what he did to you? (Besides the rape)

Answer 8

If you have allowed your son to see his father for all of these years, and your son has been safe... you owe it to your son to continue the relationship. If his health and safety are not in danger than he deserves to have the relationship with his dad.

It sounds like your boyfriend is a bit insecure... maybe the two of you need to discuss this.

Answer 9

First of all i find your story a little hard to believe u were raped and stayed with this man for 2 years i doubt that. second of all u let your son go with a drug addict, hummmmmmmmmm that doesnt make a good mom and third u have a new boyfriend who is telling u not to let this rapist drug addict not see the son hummmmmmmmmmmm who is smarter the boyfriend cause u sure aint. keep your son away from him or i hope u get reported for child endangerment...

Answer 10

Your son has the right to see his dad no matter what..but tell your bf to understand that all those bad things happened in the past and that he could still see his dad.