My family (my parents and my siblings) had a falling out with my dad's side of the family when I was about 10. I am now in my 20's and I am meeting some of these people for the first time. It was fine at first, but today I was frustrated
My grandma's sister (my great-aunt) was talking to me today, and basically told me that my dad was at fault for the falling-out. I know it wasnt just my parents fault for making the decision to not have us be around the family anymore. They treated my (adopted) sister like trash, and also treated my mom poorly. My dad stood up for my mom and my sister, and that is why we arent around them anymore. I know that it was a hard decision for him to make, and he did ask them to stop treating them that way, and warned them that we wouldnt stay around with that kind of verbal/emotional abuse...
I didnt say anything because I was shocked and upset, but should I go back and defend my parents, or leave it alone?
2007-07-30 06:58:17 · 7 answers · asked by Marie Catherine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I really appreciate the feedback. I think that while I didnt respond verbally she saw that I was angry and walked away really fast. Im a really easy-going person, so its not as if I get angry all of the time....
If she says anything again, I am going to make it clear that I will not discuss this with her, and that I stand behind my father's choice. I dont feel like arguing with her about it, because this is 10+ years of anger self-pity that has built up.
I am happy with my family, and while it has not been easy to grow up without an extended family I wouldnt trade the happiness of my mom and sister for anything....
2007-07-30 08:37:00 · update #1
I commend your dad for not allowing his family to abuse his wife and child. I see hundreds of questions in here from women whose husbands will not stick up for them from their families.
Your dad is a real man, the ones who wont are wimps.
Your great aunt is way out of line and its possible you are going to hear more of this. The brave thing to do would have been to defend your dad and say why he cut them off. But you didnt so let it go. They sound like bitter people so if you are going to see them be prepared to hear bad things about your dad, mother and adopted sibling. They are pathetic people. Personally I wouldnt have anything to do with them.
2007-07-30 07:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no need to go back specifically to defend them, however, in the future, you definately can feel empowered to do so.
Ask them "Do you really want to open old wounds and risk another 10 year separation? Let sleeping dogs lie and establish the foundation of your relationship Today". If they choose to treat you or your family the same in the future, they risk losing you as they did so long ago.
If they choose to not learn, then perhaps they aren't who you want in your life anyway.
I have a similar experience. It isn't easy, for sure, but it IS YOUR life that you need to be happy with. They can choose to be a part of your life or not. It seems you've done quite well without them so far *smile*
2007-07-30 18:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by Tiberius 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. Life is to short to hold grudges. My Mother, younger sister, and older sister got into an arguement about 3 years ago now. I see how it hurts my oldest sister. But I still talk to them all. I've gotten to a point im my life where it just doesn't matter. Someday they'll be gone and I'll still have peace in my heart knowing what I did was right. I just listen to both sides of the story.
Hope this helps you as well.
2007-07-30 14:11:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Defend, but not harshly, that will only make it worse.
Tell her that you dont feel it was just your dads fault.
Tell why it was some of the familys fault because them mistreating your mom and adopted sister. Explain how you dont like it when they do this stuff. If they dont like it, at least you know you've had some closure.
2007-07-30 14:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by ★s a m y★ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can go back, but only after you make it crystal clear that you will not tolerate their bashing of your family. You shose to try to reignite a relationship with them, but not at the expense of your pride in your family.
If they can't stop, then perhaps you will fully understand why your parents never tried to buid the bridge.....
2007-07-30 14:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. If they can't let go of this after all of these years, limit your time with them. Personally they sound like troublemakers that enjoy causing misery to others.
2007-07-30 14:03:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you dont feel it was just your dads fault.
Tell why it was some of the familys fault.
2007-07-30 17:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by daddys girl1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋