Divorce & Christianity?

Question

I am Christian, married 7 years (no kids), and hubby and I have had problems for the past 2 years. He refuses counseling and church now. My church friends tell me to pray for it to work, but a part of me wants a divorce because he is showing no interest in working at it with me. He won't file for a divorce, and says whatever happens is on me now.

Should I pray and wait? Or let it go and file for a separation or divorce?

Answer 1

First of all, I would be warry of the resonses you get here. Many of them are from a worldly persective rather than a Christian perspective. As Proberbs 25:16 says "There is a way [which seems] right to a man, But its end is the way of death."

The only conditions under which God explicitly permits divorse are 1) if the spouse has been unfaithful:

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." - Matthew 5:32

Or 2) if he leaves you:

"But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." - 1 Corinthians 7:15

If your husband has voilated your vows in one of these two ways, divorce is an option but you should definitely pray and seek guidance before making that decision. If your husband has not been unfaithful or abandoned you, then the Bible is clear you should not divorce.

With God all things are possible. I pray that you would be able to continue to love your husband and that your love for him would soften his heart.

Answer 2

You are the Master of your own destiny. Don't stay with a man that cannot offer you emotional, physical OR religious support. I can't say that asking for a minister's advice is ok either because your minister is not married to him.

Strongly insist on counseling. This does NOT MEAN sitting down with your minister. This means sitting down with a certified counselor and try to work through your problems. If he is not willing to do this then he is not being supportive so be strong for yourself and file for divorce.

Why sacrifice your happiness? Do you really think God wants you to live unhappily ever after with a man who doesn't care? No one else will live to make you happy. You are the only one who can do this.

Bright Blessing s and good luck.

Answer 3

There are far too many facts that would be needed to be concidered to properly councel you on this... YA is NOT the forum for this kind of situation... Were you a Christian when you married? Was your Husband? What denomination's doctrins are involved? and a host of very much more personal information is needed to be understood.

By man's law you may divorce... by God's Word the commitment of marrage is intended to be for the duration of mortal life... but there are very limited exceptions.

here is a link to a page on my website that might be of interest... it is my pov on "submissive wives"

some of my Christian brothers and sisters will disagree but it is based on some personal experience.
http://www.mikevanauken.pages.web.com/mikesinternetoutreach/id56.html

Answer 4

Biblically if you have not cheated on eachother or one has not died then there should be no seperation. You should pray for him that God will restore the love you once had. Remember when you are married you are now one flesh. marriage just like anything takes work. But from both parties. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

Ah a similar situation to mine: differences: two children, problems in marriage from the second day of marriage. We are divorced now. I filed twice over the years and was left stuck because he found ways around the law. Then in 2003 he used lies to take the youngest away and fix it so I had nothing left. He was a liar, a cheap skate, abusive mentally and financailly. Pretending not to have money and making us go hungry for long peroids of time. Pray and ask God what does He want YOU to do. If he isn't a Christian and he divorces you.... then he has lost you not only as a wife but a life line to Christ. Mine would go to counseling, but if it was a male, he swore the counslor was having sex with me and of course would side with me. If it was a woman counsler, he swore that she was siding with me because "bitches" stick together. The last counsler we went to was a male. I told him at the first meeting that (he, the counslor ) was being accused of sleeping with me.
When he asked me about one of the women hubby was bedding, and I told (the counslor ) she was a waitress, "x" corrected me and said, "No, she was actually a cashier." He was admitting he was bedding her to the counsler and then denying it in the same breath. The counsler came to the conclusion that my "x" was abusively insane or insanely abusive.

Next month I will be free of him a year. He is paying ....he has cancer and none of his "bed buddies " will bed him now. He is alone and dying. He made his bed and he is paying the price.

I have not dated, I do have some male friends but they are just friends and buddies. But not bed buddies.....we are happy as friends and sex is not a top priority on any of our lists. Thats not to say that I don't like one more than the others....I do. He is a sweet man, a recent widower (this year). But he is grieving and I won't use his grief as a means of "getting a man." I knew them both and their children (grown). And that is why I will not intrude on them. I do go on walks with him, but as a walking buddy. Maybe next year I will see how he feels about me. Check out this church and ask them about where you stand with your problem. I attend one of the many hundreds listed on the site. www.calvarychapel.com . I think you will enjoy them. Casusal dress, an offering box not plate passing, and a word by word, verse by verse, chapter by chapter study of the Bible. Where I attend, we are on the look for a larger building and we are in a huge one now. Check it out and see what you think.

But as to whether or not you should file for divorce or separation? Does he control the money like mine did? My "x' was a control freak, he didn't like my having a car, or a job that paid over min. wage, and what I did earn had to go to him except for enough to dive there and back; or friends of either sex. He cut off the electricity in cold weather and in summer too.Some times instead of a month without heat or cold. He just let the light bill go for as much as a year at a time. Food was when he felt hungry, garbage service was cut off. TV was ok, but only his channels could be watched.
I now live with my sister, and am supposed to move to our parents home for the last three years, Except.....she and her husband find reasons they will not to let me live there. So its not much different than where I was with my "x'.
Talk with someone at Calvary ...if you are out of Church or feel they won't treat you the same at your own Church. I will by praying for you.

Answer 6

Ask God for direction in prayer. God will answer. The only reason for christians to divorse is because of disobedience.

The allowances for Christian divorse is adultery or hardness of mans heart (physically abuses). So? Is he committing adultery or harming you physically?

You should pray & wait. Be still & know God Is. Listen for the answer. Pray with others in faith for the answer. Sometimes God gives a vision or revelation in the unity of the Spirit that is very reliable.

When your husband doesn't meet your needs, go to God. God meets all your needs.

My husband isn't a believer in Jesus Christ. So, has persecuted me pretty bad verbally when he was drunk. But, he doesn't abuse me physically. He hasn't had an affair. A near one once, but he got punched in the face & sent to the hospital. That was my last birthday present. The birthday in 2006 was his getting pornography on he computer & shoving it in my face.

But we are separated in the same house for the last 11/2 years. But the bible tells me that if the unbelieving spouse hates his believing wife, he is free to go. So, far he only hates me when he is drunk. So, doesn't file for divorse. And the Lord hasn't led me to file for divorse.

Don't file for divorse unless the Lord makes it clear in your spiritman to do so. A breakthrough in your marriage could happen in a moment when your husband repents before God & obeys God. Obeying God would also be going to Christian marriage groups, etc...

Answer 7

Ouch! I would suggest pouring the love of God on him expecting nothing in return. God will give you grace and sustain you through this difficult time. Every marriage has it's rough moments. I would also suggest reading 1 Corinthians chap 13 and meditating on that chapter. The pain involved in a divorce will be worse than the pain in keeping the marriage together. Hope it all works out. God Bless You.

Answer 8

Sorry, but why would anyone stay in a relationship that is dead?

It sounds like you have tried to work it out quite extensively. Your marriage is over. You might as well make it official. I'm sorry, I just can't support a religion that forces you to stay in a relationship that is empty.

But he sounds like an ***, so I'd be very careful and keep a log of any negative actions he takes.

Answer 9

Do you want religious counseling and he refuses or do you want marriage counseling and he refuses. If he refuses religions I can't blame him. If he is refusing counseling at all then you have a set of problems. Only you two can work them out. Marriage is hard. That won't ever change.

Answer 10

Think of the vows you made on your wedding day. For better, for worse, etc. Relationships with our spouses are the most difficult relationships to maintain. It takes hard work to make them last. But outside of our relationship with God, our relationship with our husband/wife is the most important relationship God created.

Adultery is the only act in the bible that I know of that God allows as cause for divorce. But don't let anyone fool you into thinking that divorce is easy, for any reason.

Weigh your options, pray fervently to God for guidance, and He'll lead you to the right answer.