I have been working for this guy for about 8 years. I have always had an attraction to him. My husband and I are currently going through divorce proceedings.
A week ago I slept with my boss. There is mutual interest and I do not want it to end. Am I crazy? Should I care about the looks I am going to get from people?
I am not looking for a long term relationship-it would be a rebound from the marriage and I know that. Is it so wrong to "just have some fun"? I am 26 and consenting but how might others judge this? It is not like I am 18 but I think some may treat it as such.
IF and that is a big IF... my husband and I were to reconcile should I tell him about the affair? Is it cheating as the divorce is not yet final?
2007-07-30 05:41:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i think your going the wrong way with the age differencee
2007-07-30 05:44:52 · answer #1 · answered by sttsero 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't think that the looks of people around you should matter to you. What should matter is the consequences of such actions. If you are not yet divorced I would say ask your lawyer if that would be breaking any rules that could negatively affect you in the divorce. If yes, then you know what you have to do, end it. If the interest is mutual and he has waited all this time to get you, now that he's gotten you he can wait a little longer to keep you from facing any harm. If the lawyer says you are in the clear there is no harm in having fun, as long as your intent is clear with your boss. Once again this is where those negative consequences come in. What if you decide you've had enough "fun" and want to move on, breaking up is harder for some than others and your private life with the boss could spillover into your professional life on the job, so be careful. Also there might be people in the office who try to stir up trouble by insinuating that the boss treats you different, so make sure at work you both are professional and you do your job and he does his. This way no one can accuse you of getting "special favors" in return for your "special favors" you give the boss. In the event that you and your husband do decide to get back together, I think he has a right to know if you have been sleeping with the man you work for. It would be a rather sticky situation if he was to find out from an outside source, like one of those nosy co-workers. If he can take that and still want to work things out then you know you prolly got a keeper. Most men aren't going to be able to handle knowing that you slept with your employer because every time you go to work he'll probably be thinking about the two of you getting it on in the office. All the same it is still better to be honest. So forget about the looks and the whispers of your co-workers some of them might just be wishing they were in your shoes. All the best.
2007-07-30 06:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by TRUTH HURTZ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with the age difference...My husband and I are 13 years apart and we get along a lot better than I would get along with someone my age...the older men are more mature and don't act like little boys.
I wouldn't give 2 craps about what anybody thought. And if you and your hubby reconcile, I wouldn't tell him...not because of disrespect of anything like that but the fact is, your getting divorced. The day you/he moved out of the mutual house, it became all fair game. I don't think it's considered cheating...
The only thing I'd be concerned about, is that this new guy is your boss. That can be a sticky situation. If it's all just fun as far as your both concerned, it should be cool but if he starts to get feelings for you and wants more...that could turn into something bad if you're not wanting the same thing...just be careful in that aspect, otherwise...You Go Girl!!
2007-07-30 05:49:02 · answer #3 · answered by KPG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you but if it were me, I'd either stop working for this man if or stop sleeping with the boss. There is something to be said for 'never mix business with pleasure'.
As far as the age difference, I think that a 28-year age gap would not work but that's just my opinion. My husband and I were 13 years apart and it made me feel older than I was for a long time.
You're last sentence says it all: if you have any doubts about your current marital situation, then you aren't ready to divorce. Postpone it and see what happens. You may be surprised.
If you really care about the looks your going to get, then maybe something doesn't feel right to you; should you continue the relationship?
2007-07-30 05:55:42 · answer #4 · answered by bunkeeburns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you "rebounding" a week ago is an issue that probably existed in your marriage, you were probably free enough to manifest a bigger problem when you realized its ending. I think you jumping into instant gratifications (rebounding) is going to get you into a bigger hole later down the road, because most instant fixer upers (like se*) turns out into some worse later, either directly or indirectly. So my advice to you is, even though your marriage didnt work, try on becoming a better person. I mean, obviously that is why you got a divorce, you thought your life could be better off, so make it such instead of doing crazy things that you'll regret. Not only that, since you thought your marriage couldnt work, and you'd be happier not in a relationship with him, you should probably do things that wont get you back in a relationship with your ex because you made bad choices after or during the divorce process. Anyways, best of luck to you, and stay strong.
2007-07-30 05:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fooling around with coworkers, or esp one's boss, can lead to some serious issues in the workplace that could jeapordize your job or make the environment so uncomfortable you'll feel the desire to leave.
Using someone for a rebound is quite unkewl (bad karma) unless they know what is happening and are just in it for the sex. Allowing them to think there could be anything more, when you know that's not what you want, is dishonest.
If you and hubby are in the process of divorce and living apart, then what each of you do is your business. There's no need to confess (if you reconcile) but if asked don't lie. Either be honest about it, or make it clear that what each of you did during the separation is private and won't be discussed.
2007-07-30 05:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion, its not cheating if your not currently together, yeah your married still but your getting devorsed and your no longer in a loving relationship. if you ever did get back together it would depend on how you felt, whether you should tell him or not. if you feel like you should then do it but if you feel as though you cant or don't want to then don't, after all it would be in the past, as long as it didn't carry on. if its just abit of fun then you shouldn't care about what people think, even if it was more serious. as long as your happy then that's all that should matter to you. although you might see it as a bit of fun, id warn you to be careful about this.. if it turns into something more serious, or your feelings for him progress then it could become difficult as he is you boss and may affect your job. as long as you know what you doing! everyone makes mistakes and that's what we learn from.. but think things through and try to prevent the mistakes before you make them. good luck with everything.
2007-07-30 05:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sleeping with the boss is always a bad idea for a number of reasons. It's even a worse idea for him, as he is now susceptable to a discrimination/harrassment suit if he fires you or denies you a promotion or a raise.
Plus he's way too old for you.
2007-07-30 05:50:45 · answer #8 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if your working on divorce no its not cheating at this time...but after should you try and reconcile don't go back with baggage hanging out...you have to go back and be honest and open if your going to try and work things out...that's what makes relationships work open and honest about everything out in the open....now as for having sex with your boss that's great have fun while you can and let him have fun with you.....but be ready to look for a new job if you get back with your husband cause you wont be able to stay there....and you know why.....good luck and have fun..
2007-07-30 05:51:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this would be considered cheating since you and your hubby are separated and getting a divorce. If you enjoy it then I say go for it and don't look back.
2007-07-30 05:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well have you're fun don't worry about what other think its you're life so enjoy ,,,and if you get back with you're husband just play it by ear if to tell him or not
2007-07-30 05:47:22 · answer #11 · answered by kev l 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋