Boyfriend and I of 5 months are just over 1 month pregnant.... (age 24 and 32). Crazy and "wrong", I know, but after the intial shock, we are both excited and ready to give it our all. I am 100% certain he will not leave. We have talked about this soooo much and since we first met we have both decided we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives. It's an indescribable connection that I woud have never believed myself until he came along.
We're both in stable careers; I own a house; we are on the same maturity level, share the same values, morals, and desires; have excellent communication(both patient, respectful, very honest, and understanding - can talk through ANYTHING) etc.
I believe everything happens for a reason and I do not believe in abortion in this case, as we are capable of raising this child in a loving, nuturing, stable environment. I want to hear your thoughts/advice so I know what to expect when it's time to inform my family, boss, and co-workers.
2007-07-30 04:30:42 · 42 answers · asked by Betty 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
We do plan on getting married, even before this happened, he told his mother he had finally found "the one" she always told him he would find. Just want to get married when it makes the most sense, not just for the sake of having a child!
2007-07-30 04:36:14 · update #1
Alright I got pregnant with my daughter (now 20 months old) when my boyfriend and I were only together a few months. We are/were much younger than you two are, and we have worked out just fine. We are now engaged and live together, He has a great job and I am finishing up on a Nursing degree. You both have good jobs, a house, same level & morals, etc. In regarts to your family will have to "get over it" as they say, and they will especially after the baby is born. It is not like they are supporting you or your unborn child so there is not much they can do about it. Unconventional families are more a norm in today's society than they have ever been before. Good luck to you and your boyfreind and I hope you have a great pregnancy.
p.s. Having a child is super stressful on relationships (not as much time as before for just each other) so keep lines of communication open and flowing, that is the biggest problem that my fiance and I had after my daughter was born and many of our married and unmarried friends that have children about the same age as ours.
2007-07-30 06:08:09 · answer #1 · answered by Aubree's Mommy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you may be financially stable, and may be able to provide for the baby financially. But then you say that you are both on the same maturity level and that is kind of scary seeing as though you say that since you first met you have both decided that you want to be with each other for the rest of your lives? I'm sorry but to me that sounds immature. It reminds me of kids and their first "love" they want to always be with them forever and ever and they will never break up with them, they will get married and have kids, etc., you know what I am talking about. I'm not saying that you don't have this amazing connection, what I am saying is you have only been together for 5 mos and that's not much time to be able to decide something like that.
I also believe everything happens for a reason, and do not believe in abortion in ANY case, so I would not recommend doing that. HOWEVER I also don't believe in sex outside of marriage either. Just to give you a little heads up, having a baby puts a lot of stress on a couple, even when you think you have a perfect relationship before the baby's born.
My recommendation is to get married if that is what you really feel about each other. Marriage does NOT make a relationship worse.
2007-07-30 04:48:57 · answer #2 · answered by Zahira B 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, I was pregnant and unmarried. We knew we loved each other and we wanted to keep the baby. However, I was 19 and he was 23. We had never been on our own, so I continued to live at home with the baby and he was there everyday. The next year we got married and were only married 2 1/2 years. It was hard getting married and having a child at the same time. We were younger than you guys, so I think you will have a better shot at a long life together than we did. I know that we did things in the wrong order, but bringing a child into the world is wonderful. She is the light of my life...she will be 10 next month. I don't regret anything I did. Her father and I are both remarried, but we are great friends.
Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong, unfit, or any of that other garbage. You do what you believe is right for your child. That is the only person you have to answer to. Good luck!!
2007-07-30 04:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by luvRoush99 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I don't think its a big deal but then again I'm not that religous. But in my opinion, if you are in love and had planned on marrying each other before the conception of the child, I don't think there is anything wrong with having a child. Even without marriage, if he isn't going anywhere and its a stable environment, I don't see the problem. And p.s. the age difference doesn't seem like as big of a deal as you grow older, or at least I don't think it should matter. You aren't a teenager anymore. Good luck, with everything and wishes of nothing but happiness to you both.
2007-07-30 04:41:53 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Congratulations. I hope things go good. If this is what both you want then go for it. I was pregnant and had my son a year before we got married. Now we are going on our 4 kid and been together for 8 years. My husband was supposed to be a one night stand.
A good time to inform family is when you feel comfortable telling them. Make sure you call everyone you want to tell yourself all in the same day and don't linger on the phone for long (you know how new travels in families). Boss is sometime after you start showing maybe a little sooner. Co-workers is up in the air. If you are frieds with some tell those some and leave the rest to everyone else. If you aren't friends with any of them then just tell a couple that are real gossipers and leave the rest to travel the grapevine.
2007-07-30 04:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by Kathie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you are ready to be parents. I agree with you, everything happens for a reason. Although having a baby before marriage is not ideal (my beliefs anyway) it does happen and life goes on. I think you have put a lot of thought into your situation and are ready to do what needs done. It sounds like you are in a stable relationship and are ready to have a family my question is why not get married now if things are so great. Bringing a baby into a loving marriage make it that much more special!
2007-07-30 04:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your situtation sounds promising. If you want the baby's father to be in your life forever why not get married, especially if you don't think he'll leave. Do you not believe in marriage at all? The benefits of being married will be that your child will not feel like the odd one out - he will know that his mommy and daddy are married and there isn't a long story to explain afterwards. There is a lot of stigma associated with a non-traditional family arrangement.
The other thing to consider is that there are plenty of people having babies out of wedlock, but that doesn't necessarily mean its 'right'. This is a tough call, but given what you've written, I think its a no brainer. Get married before that bundle of joy comes out. :)
As for telling your boss etc. about being pregnant, I would wait until you are three months pregnant just to be sure that you're in the clear. You take care of yourself and enjoy your pregnancy...keep it as stress-free as you can and savour every moment! :)
2007-07-30 04:41:55 · answer #7 · answered by tally 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you and him are in the same mind frame and ready to take on parenthood. I got pregnant at 18 with my boyfriend of 1 and a half years. We were scared to death, but I would not go back and change ANYTHING! We are still happily married 10 yrs later and we have a beautiful son. Your family will probably be a bit taken aback but hopefully they will be supportive of you two. My family was shocked, but then again I was only 18 at the time, but after the shock wore off they were all extremely supportive and loving, and when my baby came along Ive never seen so much love for one person coming from each of them. It was truly a blessing in disguise for my husband and I. If you are happy about it, then act happy when you tell your coworkers and family, and tell them exactly what you told us. You might want to tell your close family like your mother alone at first and then have your boyfriend come over afterwards to talk to them. Sounds to me like you both will make wonderful parents and I wish you two all the best!
2007-07-30 04:39:52 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgirl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is ok!! It sounds as though the two of you are mature level headed adults that know what you want and where you are going. You are going to get flack from people about not being married, so on and so on, but do not let it bother you. There are alot of couples who are not married, have been together forever, have kids together and are still together (Gene Simmons from KISS and Shannon Tweed, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell- and I am sure many more).
I believe like you do, everything happens for a reason as this has. When you tell your family, boss, etc., just let them know that you have thought about this and you are doing the right thing and that is that. You may get some "unsolicited advice" but just listen, out of respect, and when they are through let them know you appreciate it and go about your way. I am not saying to be mean, but let them know that is is ultimately you and your boyfriends decision and the decision is to keep it and let things remain as they are relationship wise. There is not law that says you have to get married to have a baby!! Good luck and happy parenting to the both of you!!
2007-07-30 04:42:08 · answer #9 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What is the big deal about not getting married?! I'm sorry you're not getting support here. This is not the 50's! Two people do not have to be married to lovingly raise a child. You should wait until you're ready and post-baby so you can look HOT in a wedding dress if that's what you choose to do! Anyway, let me get off my soapbox. I wouldn't inform anyone of your pregnancy until after your first appt, just in case of miscarriage and then having to explain and re-live.... trust me, its not fun. And you don't even have to inform your work til you start showing. After all, isn't 3-4 months notice of a little vacation time adequate?! Anyway, CONGRATS!
2007-07-30 06:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica A 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋