Well my dad used to be an alcoholic when i was younger. When my mom filed for divorce, he quit, went through classes and became sober again. He''s been great for around 6 or 7 years now. But lately he's been sneaking beer. I found a six pack in his truck behnd his seat. One day my mom told him that she would be staying at her mom's (my grandma's) for the night so they could plan a cruise with her. When she changed her mind, and came home, my dad was drinking a beer and watvching tv. He said " i thought u were staying the night" adn my mom told him she changed her mind. I'm going on a cruise thats 4 days long and i am afraaid my dad will start drinking while we are gone. My mom said that if he does, we're moving aaway becasue she doesnt want to go thru that agian. What should i di? i dont want to leave my dad and i dont want him to start drinking again! help pleas!!!!
2007-07-30 03:40:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I strongly urge you to find an Alateen group in your area. You can find the listing in the phone book. The other young people there are living with the same situation you are. Some are living with a drinking situation that is much worse.
Alateen members are anonymous, so no one will know unless you decide to tell them.
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. The only difference is that some of them have decided not to drink.
Your father's decision to drink is his. You cannot manipulate or control it.
Alateen will provide you with the essential information you need to feel a little more in control of your life, regardless of what your parents do.
Best of luck.
2007-07-30 03:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by toota956 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad needs to call his support classes and go back.He's done what they call "falling off the wagon." It means that he's given into the lure of the drinking again and he has gone weak against resisting it.Mom needs to step up and stop ignoring the signs that he's drinking again. While you and mom are on the cruise, he needs to go to the classes and reinstate his sobriety. I have a neighbor that has gone to her classes several times because she fely depression and the urge to drink come back. Going to one or two sessions will not stop the drinking. It's a lifelong battle.
Before you and mom go on vacation, mom needs to give dad an ultimatum. Either he starts going to classes regularly and there's proof that he's going or she files for divorce.Period. It will let him know that mom isn't going to stand by and watch him waste away from drinking.
If it comes down to dad not going then you must be prepared to let dad go. There's no reason for you to be continuously haunted by his lack of self-control. I'm sure that you will be able to see your dad even though they get seperated.
Tell dad that you are very disappointed in him and that he needs to go back to classes. The classes will allow mom to attend with him for support.The more support the better.Let him know that you stand behind him trying to stop drinking and that you know that it is hard.But the family is more important to him than his drinking.He can do it.
Best wishes and good luck. Hope that your cruise is enjoyable and that dad makes the right decision.
Sit down as a family and talk really good about it before you all make any decisions. The more you talk the better the solutions will be.
2007-07-30 10:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but this is something that your dad has to handle on his own. He has to have a need to get better for himself, not just cuz he might loose his family. The fact that you are finding the cans in hidden places might mean that he has been doing this for quite some time and has finally gotten sloppy about it.
Your dad must need some time alone to realize what this is truly doin to himself and his family. Talk to him and let him know that you love him very much and that you only want to see him get better, suggest that the whole family get counseling.
Hope it all works out!
P.S. How come your dad isnt going on the cruise with you?
2007-07-30 10:46:53 · answer #3 · answered by suavi29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing in you can do is use your words. Tell your dad how much he means to you, and what it would mean if he started drinking again. If he doesn't stop then let him feel the pain of losing his family for a little bit. Sometimes people need a little reminder. If he stopped 7 years ago because your mom left him, he'll stop again. He takes you guys for granted, but believe me you'll teach him a lesson if you go.
2007-07-30 10:45:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
'candor' wont help him, or you..be direct..be blunt..state your feelings..explain your concern..and search your own mind for YOUR boundary's,limits,and tolerances.
An alcoholic can only 'recover' sobriety..he will never be 'cured'.
Your concern is justifiable, and understandable. If as you say he has been through therapy, he KNOWS this too.
Relapse happens...it's so prevalent that alcoholism is called a 'decease of relapses'..He has ALREADY started drinking..do your self a favor and acknowledge that.
'DO' rite NOW what ever you would 'do' if you found him drunk out of his mind.
Intervening SOONER, rather than LATER is far and away the best of choices, in so far as the alcoholic's health is concerned, his relationships are concerned, and your confidence in his recovery is concerned.
Apathy, pity, tolerance, or hints seldom help any thing, change anything or alter the coarse of the disease. Be blunt.
2007-07-30 11:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by olddogwatchin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once an alcoholic, always one. Unless he sticks to a rigid "hands off" policy, it may be one beer one day or six the next. It doesn't matter how innocent it seems or how little the amount, it can set him off on a binge using his woes as an excuse for why he's doing what he's doing. You've got to confront him and tell him if he doesn't stop drinking "cold turkey" and stays stopped, you're out of there!
2007-07-30 10:58:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it was your dad's choice to start drinking again. Even if you stayed home and didn't take the cruise, he would still drink secretly - as he is right now. Maybe when you get back, your mom could insist he go back to rehab or AA - they are fantastic and I know some people who went to AA and did great.
2007-07-30 10:51:24 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on the cruise with your mom. You can't be a policeman to your dad. You have a real worry not to be taken lightly, but you can't live your dad's life for him.
PS. Why is your mom going on a cruise without your dad? That sounds more suspicious than some beer.
2007-07-30 11:18:22 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on the cruise and have a good time. You're not responsible for your dad's sobriety. Sounds like you have a really together mom and I'm glad she's not going to tolerate your dad putting your family throught that pain again.
2007-07-30 10:44:53 · answer #9 · answered by CALAVA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel (if it was me id blow up @ him but dont do that) and guilt trip him by saying "if you feel guilty enough about your habit to sneak around and drink alcohol, then why don't you just quit? you are lying to us, the people you are SUPPOSED to love most in the world. but obviously you care more about the alcohol than us, so why don't you just go date a can of beer! you are being a horrible role model to me (and brothers/sisters if u have any) and i would be ashamed to follow in your footsteps!" and really lay it on thick. maybe he'll listen to you
good luck i hate heavy drinkers
2007-07-30 10:46:23 · answer #10 · answered by ♫Wolf♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋