Does every kid have to be invited to the wedding?

Question

The reception is going to be at facility that holds 100 people for a seated, catered meal (which we are having.)

When we counted the number of people who we are 95% sure will show & who have children we came up w/27 children under the age of 12 =(

So, the dilemas are:
1) Obviously, inviting all of the kids will take up more than 25% of our guest list. Besides w/10 people in the bridal party ~ we would only be able to invite 63 family/friends & we want to invite a few more than that.

2) We are having this catered ~ if kids are inlcluded in the final guest count, that is way too much $$

Can we inlude kids on the invites to close family members, while sending other invites that have the names of the adults only ~ not their kids?

Our close relatives will probably be pissed if we don't invite their kids. However, NONE of these kids are a part of our daily lives ~ we only see them at occasional holidays, cookouts, etc, but we don't want to offend anyone

The facility does have one extra room where we could have a babysitter.
However, we are planning on having part of the reception outside & if it rains then we will need the extra room ~ not only for the space but for the open bar area.

Answer 1

I am dealing with the exact same concern. It is an issue for heated debate in my household...my fiance and I have different opinions. He feels the wedding should be about family, and everyone should be included. I think we can't afford to invite 50 kids that are just going to disturb the event and create havok...not to mention add $500+ to my food budget.

I'm inviting children who are immediate family: for example, my half sisters are ages 10 and 5, and they are invited. My future stepdaughters are also going to attend, and each of them are inviting a friend. My fiance's neices are also invited. Total, I have 11 children on the list.

My "step cousins" and my step second cousins and other distant relatives children are not invited.

Be aware that people who have small children may not attend your wedding if their kids are not invited. If you are ok with that, then invite the adults only. This is your event, and you are paying for it...YOU decide who attends and who is invited. Guests can NOT assume they can bring their children, and add another 10 to 20 dollars per person.

Excluding children is not a popular choice though. Be ready to get some backlash about it. My fiance and I got into a big discussion (read: argument) about this yesterday. Our budget can just NOT support an additional 25 to 30 children added to the guest list.

Answer 2

I have the same dilemma,and i don't want to do the babysitting room. I've come to the conclusion that if the parents can't leave there kids for 6 hrs with a babysitter of their choice then they have the problem. What i have decided to do is only include the children who are in the wedding party. 2 flower girls who are my 7 and 2yr old nieces and then a ring bearer who is 5. My fiances family has 25 kids under the age of 9. so i am not letting some people bring kids while other can't, i don't want to have to deal with parents saying why can her kid come but mine can't, so i am doing over 18 unless in the wedding. No exceptions. There are some children i want to invite, but i am just going to save myself the aggravation and say no children.

Answer 3

When I was planning my wedding (which we had last September), I came across this same problem. Address the invitation to the adults. Normally, parents try not to bring their kids to a wedding, and it won't be as big a problem as you think. Only 25% of the kids we thought might show up actually came to the reception, which we were able to finalize with our caterer after the RSVPs.

You could include a second menu option for young kids, or a 1/2 portion which the caterer can also do. Also remember that really young kids, babies to 6 year olds, will probably share food with their parents, anyhow. When I went to my aunt's wedding at age 5, which I remember as one of my first weddings, I remember my parents packing me snacks and foods to eat at the table.

In the end, parents will bring them if they wish, but they usually don't count toward your final capacity #. Also, you can make it cost effective to have them by reducing your catering costs. Last but not least, remember that if you really want to you can always ask "please, no young children" on your reception invites. That's your perogative. Its your wedding. You really shouldn't care too much about offending your guests on your wedding day. In the end, you're the one who has to live with the memories (and the bills) for as long as you live... not them.

Answer 4

My parents had this dilema when they got married. They choose not to invite kids with the obvious exception of us, their kids. It did piss some people off. One of my uncles (who was suppose to be the best man) actually refused to come to the wedding for a while. But I think that everyone had a better time without the kids there. A wedding really isn't the place for children and I think most people understand that these days. Do what you want and don't worry so much about everyone else. I don't think you will get the backlash you are expecting.

Answer 5

May I suggest invite children of immediate family over a certain age. Like 14yrs of age. If you include the younger generation / families you may want to have a thought towards their circumstances yes the ones that are close to bride and groom to be. Or consider only adults only reception. Ask your parents for their positive input to choices and come up with a happy moment reception to last in your celebrations of a joyous time.

Answer 6

It's your wedding, so it is perfectly acceptable for you to invite whomever you would like, whether that means kids or not. So yes, you could invite the kids of family members but not friends. (Just be prepared that some friends may show up and say, "How come those kids were invited but mine werent?")

As far as your 2nd point, if you do decide to invite children, talk to your caterer about having a kids' menu option, like chicken fingers or spaghetti. They can generally do that for less than the cost of the adult entree to save you money.

Answer 7

I think since a wedding is YOUR day you have every rt to invite only adults and not children that could care less about being there.You have a very valid reason as to why. I don't think they should have a rt to be offended. They would more likely be offended or have their feelings hurt if they didn't know all the facts. But if some children are going to be present, you need to avoid saying there will be NO children .If confronted or know they could be offend, voice your appreciation for everyone being so understanding and allowing you to have as many of your friends and family present , even though you wish you could have had room for every one's entire family. And how pleased you are that they are coming/have came. You need to be prepared with a response for those you know will comment to keep things from going down the wrong path. It is a celebration but yet it is a very personal event. I feel you should be very specific but tact full in your invitation to let it be known there will be a sit down meal (w limited space ) If you do not add this in writing and be specific about exactly which mbrs of the household are invited, or you will have a big problem. If it is not brought to their attention (rt there in black & white) most people would concider it a family invitation. I know I would. You would perhaps even put in the RSVP the number of seats you have" allowed" so- to -speak( But please find a better choice of words) for the sit down meal following the ceremony. Having 5 children, I may be more aware of the fact that that you do not bring your children to every event and every place. Parents that have fewer children probably would be more likly to bring their children . (Hey, I go to an all-night grocery store at one AM while my children are sleeping to buy groceries just to keep from bringing my children to the gro store....) Most moms would not.
Weddings , like a lot of other things these days, can be personalize any way you want. Some parents may actually like the opportunity to attend child-free. FYI: Just a note ...My niece recently was married. My sister hired a professional to video the special event. She also made arrangements for a nursery BUT failed to notify the parents either in advance or upon arrival of these services provided. A 2 yr old sitting w her dad on the back row either screamed or called for her mom who was part of the wedding party, 90% of the ceremony. Guess where the camera was set up. Yep, bout 10 foot from the child. There were actually about 10 small children (2 and under) plus several other children whose parents were unaware of the nusery provided. Her other daugher will wed in Aug. and parents will be notified of the nursery. My sister could not enjoy the ceremony because all she could think bout was the video her daughter wanted so badly would be filled w the child screaming. It's all going to be in the wording to let them know how every much you want them to come and celebrate your specilal day but due to limited space it would extremely limit the number of family and friends that would be allowed to share your special moment.... etc. Perhaps , is there another location that you could offer a nursery very close to your wedding and reception where the parents could leave their children. I don't see why it would have to be at the same location. Seek out options for the parents and share them w the parents that address the issue or you know would need care for their children. Ask a friend of a freind you trust that would not attend to help w the children. Rent a movie, or buy a box of sidewalk chalk . The children would be happier than"sit up straight and be still" Even go as far a ordering $1 burgers or a pizza. The children would much rather have their own style celebration meal and it would be more affordable. If you decide on an off-site arrangement of any kind, make sure you have collected RSVP for the children in order to be prepared. Also have a general info ck sheet for emergency contact ph #, allergies Ask a responsible freind to be in charge of this event. One suggestion.....keep it simple. kids just really like being around other kids. Ask older children that you know would be there to help out. Delegate and concentrate on you wedding. But once you make up your mind, state it as a fact not a subject open for discussion. It will be taken better if every one gets the impression this is how it is.... period. BUT, YOU have to inform them or they will not know or will not realize "this means you". Congrats and many happy years.

Answer 8

I have a HUGE family, mine side is 100 ppl. not including kids under 16!!! So I had to cut it out somewhere, and the kids 18+ will want to bring dates!! We are having an evening wedding too, so most youngins will be in bed by reception time. :)

I'm having my daughter she's 3, and my nefews 2 & 4, and my cousin's twins are Jr BM & Usher, they are 13. That's it for "kids".

My mom had always taught us if you name or "family" was not on the invite, then you are not invited, meaning the kids.

Good luck, and just explain to ppl. that they is only so much room, and so much $ in your budget, and that's why their kids couldn't come.

Answer 9

What you need to do is clearly state that it is an adult ONLY event on the invitations.
If anyone asks, tell them exactly what you said, there is not enough room for them all and the catering would go over budget with them all.
We did this, and we just told my brothers who have kids that they were allowed to bring theirs. although we did ask them to not bring under 2 year olds in order to have a peaceful cry-free ceremony!
You may need to call some people (i had to call a lot who didnt return the rsvp) and be sure they are aware of the adult only rule.

Answer 10

You can't invite some of the kids and then not invite the rest of them. So - just have an adult's only reception and when people ask, explain to them that the facility only holds so many people and they placed a limit on the number of people you could invite.