Parents, how would you handle this situation with your child?

Question

I have been searching for a sitter for the weekends, when my son does not go to his fathers and I have plans and after searching and seraching, I think I have found her. She is really nice and educated. She is the total opposite of me (parent wise). She is more hands on then I, plus she can teach my son things that I cant. I really think that she would be very benefical in his life, esp. at the age of 3. I want him to be experience to different cultures and things. My son and I went to meet her and they got alone well,of course I was there as well.
Now the thing is, she is a burn victim. I mean completely buron the face and hands. Now when we left, I asked him if he liked her and he said no, b/c she is ugly & scarey. Now, should I not used her services b/c of what my son said. I dont want him to be scared or be ugly to her.

How should I handle this?

Should I ask her about it? Or should I ask her how she handles this type of things?

Answer 1

You have every other weekend to go out, when your son is with his dad.

What could a total stranger possibly do for a child that his own mother cannot do??? There are parenting classes if you need assistance in that area.

This woman may seem very nice..and maybe she is..however..can you actually make an educated judgment call on someone that you just met???

Your a Mom now. Your plans need to be scheduled for when your son is with his father. And when he is home, be a hands-on Mother. Appreciate your son.

If you want him exposed to other cultures, by all means, make play dates for him with kids from other walks of life...you can be included in that also....

Good luck to you

Answer 2

I would be a great time to explore the whole issue with him to bring out his feelings and ask some questions. Even explore the issue together and share thoughts like your solving the issue together. I think that would be nice and he needs to see different ways to relate to all people. That might lead to finding things out about him, yourself and life that might surprise you and make a joint family culture and view point. Raising someone can be, a lot, a joint venture or else parenting can be boring without your personal growth. You develop your own intuition and inner strength and find answers within yourself. Your also raising them to think and go out on their own eventually and to find the answer within. I don't know that I would force him, but it's an area he could weel explore at some point. He may feel more secure with you if his feelings are considered while he needs to understand feelings more in general, we all do I think, since feeelings run our life so much.

Answer 3

I think that if she is a suitable candidate, you should go ahead and accept her for sitting. Explain to your son that there are people that go through awful experiences in life, and the focus is not what they look like but whether or not they have a good heart. Some people are beautiful, but they aren't always the most pleasant people. If your son can try to look beyond the burns and look at what the person has to offer, I'm sure that he will be fine. Children adapt to things easier than we think they do. Good Luck...

Answer 4

Use her. She has had experience,I'm sure, with dealing with this before and will know how to handle it. Your son will have a great opportunity to learn not to judge people by how they look. Warn her that the burns upset him a little so she is prepared and provide a new toy or activity for the first time she comes that they can do together. He'll be a kinder person for the experience.

Answer 5

I would try her out as a babysitter still, but maybe first have them meet up again with you there. This is a GREAT opportunity for you to teach that people are more than what you see on the outside! If she is really that great of a person and can teach your son a lot, her tradgedy can help open your son's eyes and help him grow as a person.

Answer 6

This could be a valuble lesson for your child to learn if you choose to use her services. for one he would learn not to judge someone by the way they look, but the person that they are on the inside. People who have "handicaps" seem to have a special outlook on life. Like my grandfather he lost all the fingers on his right hand when he was 19 yrs. old, but he managed to become a master carpenter as well as a champion team roper, he was also voted on to our city council, people in the community held him in high regard. He used his "handicap" to teach us that no mattter what our circumstance in life we all have the potential to do what ever we want to do. He not only excelled at his career but he was one hell of a guy, I mean forget not only being Grandpa, he was a good friend. Some where in all of it there is a lesson for your child, and I'm sure it is one that will build his character and maybe something a little more, you will see it with time.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I think that personally, you should keep her because your son needs to learn to be with different people, even if they are not beautiful. Later on in life he will learn that looks don't matter, but the person on the inside. Also, the sitter may be embarrassed or hurt when she finds out what actually happened. Talk to him and make sure that he understands.

Answer 8

Honestly, I would call a child therapist or two and ask them. He needs to learn (from you, mom) how to accept others with frailties and disfigurements, if he doesn't at this young age and said that, then now is the time. If she has other children in her care, talk to those moms and ask them how they handled the questions about her disfigurement. This is a prime opportunity to begin teaching him mutual respect of himself and others because if you don't nip this in the bud now, its just telling him that "ok, I say something ugly, mom doesn't correct me on it, that must mean its ok" and he'll just get worse as time goes on not accepting everyone for who they are and not their qualities. Good luck and happy parenting!
Mrs. T / Chesterfield, VA

Answer 9

He is three and yes she has disfigurement from the fire but he is young and while he is in her presence he will implement what you have already taught him. I hope at that point you talked with him about how wrong it is to say bad things about people and that she can not help the way she looks. he will grow to look past those disfigurements in time when he learns to see the inner beauty. Maybe a few more visits with you there so he can adjust without being alone.

Answer 10

Explain what happened to her to him. Maybe try asking him did her scars affect the way she handled him, or did her scars make her any less nice. Tell him that burn victims are people too, and she doesn't deserve to be called "ugly" or "scary". She's a nice person, and I'm sure that'll come through to him in time :)