Christians. Is it abnormal to be bitter 5 yrs after an extremely bad experience in church.?

Question

I haven't been in fellowship for years. I served my last church for about 7 years, and I was the drummer for it. At the end, because of one disagreement I had with the pastors, I was told I was "not a member" and had no right to comment on church matters. I was told, a couple of services just before I left, that I was not even a "muso"-musician (I was self taught) and had no right to any say in the music team-the same team I served during that whole time.

I am still bitter. I have renounced fellowship, and 5yrs later, the very words, "church", "Christianity" and "Christians" fill me with rage and hatred. I decided 6 months after I left (I'd left the area as I moved) to bury the hatchet and give my former pastors a call. By their tone of voice, they didn't want a bar of me, and didn't want me to visit them in their home. The pastor graciously decided that we could all meet "in a cafe" if I really insisted on catching up with them.

Is it abnormal I am still this angry?

Answer 1

You are not abnormal. Bad experiences of any kind (divorce, firing etc.) can take time to get over, but bad church experiences can be especially tough since we expect more from church people. I have had a very bad experience in a church and it did take me a while to get over it. One thing that you have to do though, is see clearly that the people who hurt you are not God himself. God did not approve of what they did. Now, you are depriving yourself of the spiritual strength and joy you know from experience can be yours in fellowship with other believers. If you allow what some flawed individuals in the church did to deprive you of your relationship with God and fellowship with the body of Christ you have suffered twice -- once at the hands of others and once by your own hand. If you get active again in your service to God (a little wiser now for your experience) you will find that eventually the anger and bitterness fades. We all have scars of some kind. I pray that God empowers you to rise above this.

Answer 2

It was abnormal on his part. I can relate to your feelings of rejection. The man rudely rejected you, not once, but several times. It's hard to get over hurt of that kind. Realize that it was his problem, not yours. Anything can be said in a kindly manner.

I don't know the pastors' side of the story, but from what you told us, he was a self-serving man, involving himself in a power struggle. He should let the music dept. and all depts, make thir own decisions. Also, he should have stuck with the issue and not taken it to a personal level.

Yes, it is abnormal, after all this time, to react so violently to the past situation. You need to talk to someone, whether it's a school counseler or a county community counseler (for free). Or you can step out in faith and attend another church and worship God. Maybe He's the one you need to be talking to. You trust in Him, don't you? He can take care of every thing and help you be happier than you ever imagined.

God bless you and I hope you find peace.

Answer 3

Because of the commitment to the church it is like a marriage that falls apart. It just hurts real bad. Takes time to heal. You need to move on and not go back to what hurt you. They were not very christian in the way they treated you. seek some other Christians who will accept you and help you in healing the hurt you have. I learned long ago as long as I held on to anger whether justified or not it eats at you and keeps you from healing. You don't need people who will keep on hurting you in your life. God's blessing and forgiveness be yours always.

Answer 4

Not all Christians are alike.
All Churches are not alike.
What you need to do is know that it wasn't CHRIST that hurt you.
Trying to bury the hatchet (not in their heads) was a good idea. Forgiveness always is.
Abnormal? It depends on the depth of the hurt. Some things are more difficult to get over. Dwelling on it makes it grow though into something bigger than it is.

Answer 5

With all the churches there are, just find another church. That is odd because mot of the churches I attend they look down on people that take lessons and read music and uplift those who are self taught saying they have a real gift from God.

Answer 6

I think you have what is known as righteous anger. Jesus had it whenever he kicked some butt at the temple.

However, you need to let it go. Forgive them for the ignorant infidels they are and move on. Find some geniune believers to hang with and maybe even a small home church.

Point is, you don't have to go to "church." You are simply called to be an ekklesia and part of the body of Christ.

Answer 7

I can understand not wanting to have anything to do with that particular church and the people involved, but to harbor that much anger for the whole of Christianity and it's people has to be hard on you. Having anger mostly harms the angry person. You might consider talking to a counselor. He/she may be able to give you suggestions for working through your anger and help you let go of it.

Answer 8

Its not about normal or not.
But if you were a Christian with the strong root, what ever happen or who ever hurt you, then you wont be bitter.
Thats because you still have Jesus in your heart and Holy spirit that can heal every broken heart and fill it with happiness.

Being bitter or not is a choice. And for your information, the one in this world that is the source of every bitter root is the satan. So dont follow him.

Answer 9

i believe that you have the holy spirit in you and it forces you away from the church, dont worry about the church just follow Jesus . i left the church after i was baptised in 1991 . first i thought it was a demon that got hold of me ,then i started to study the scriptures and eventualy realised that Jesus was crucified by the church ,because he stood up to it .read matthew 23 God is a God of love you must love God, not fear him like most God fearing christians with good intentions do. the road to hell is paved with good intensions goto http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-iNR1N6c3aa8Dq25imtL5bDCOB2U-;_ylt=AsAmISifQeaRKDT6pnpX7AysAOJ3?cq=1

Answer 10

Actually I cannot in all fairness answer your question...I have no right or business gaging the length of your emotional state. All I can do is ask if it has ever occurred to you to be thankful? It seems you were delivered from a den of lions...plucked from their ravenous jaws...