im 17, im catholic, im GAY, im scared,im ashamed, no one knows-what do i do?

Question

my parents and relatives have clearly stated their opinions on gay people before and they're not good. as far as they're concerned, gay is wrong and it is a sin. i find myself every night, in confidence, crying myself to sleep because i know my parents prefer my younger brother(16) who is better than me at everything, is popular at school, (i am known as HIS brother), more than they ever would me. i ask myself, if god made everyone a certain way, why am i like this? Now, how could i ever come out to them now. I will only be a disgrace. I love them more than ANYTHING in the whole world. im scared, i feel lonely and am ashamed i am this way so much

Answer 1

Hi there,

You say you are catholic. How about praying about this yourself? Ask God to help you sort it all out.

About now I will probably be getting lots of boos and hisses and negative ratings from everyone else, but I don't care about them. I do care about you. You sound like a lovely young man who needs a friend.

You can talk to God directly you know. He is listening. He loves you and would be delighted if you talked to Him about all this.

He is your loving Heavenly father and He understands you more than anyone else.

I will pray for you too.

Answer 2

Its extremely unfortunate that the Catholic Church, your parents, most Christians or really any bible thumper seems to think it is acceptable to hate ANYONE! A true Christian, from what I understand, (im Jewish), are not to hate or judge anyone else. God made you for who you are, and yes, your life is going to be difficult. This is NOT a choice and dont let people make you believe that it is ok? If you let them ruin your life, they will. You have choices here. Tell your family that this is not something you can change, and if they truley love you to let you be who you are. If they cant exept that, then its time for you to move on. Eventually they will come around. My wife is Catholic, she went to Catholic schools her entire life, went to a Catholic college even. And she is very gay! lol. She doesnt go to church anymore because she knows that the Catholic religion will never accept her as she is, so now, she chooses to go to metropolitan church, which is very accepting of gays/lesbians. She calls herself a recovering Catholic, lol. You are soon to be an adult. Its time for you to make your own life choices. You have no choice over your sexuality, but you do have a choice as to how you live your life as a gay man. You can beat yourself up and be ashamed and pretend to be someone your not, or you can come out, be proud, stand with all the other gay people who have choose to do the same. Hope you make a good choice. Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like everyone involved needs some Catholic instruction. Let's go through this a piece at a time:

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Okay. Merely being gay is not a sin. However, the sexual attraction of one person to another of the same sex is intrinsically disordered - but not necessarily a sin. It's when this disordered attraction manifests itself as a sex act - this is sinful. So long as you remain chaste, you will not commmit on account of your homosexuality. You and your parents need to know this.


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The fact that your younger brother is more (I am going to use the term) "accomplished" than you doesn't mean you are a bad person. You both are entitled to treatment that respects your dignity as a human being - even if you're gay.

As far as your parents are concerned, are you sure your parents "prefer" your brother over you? They may be proud of him, as well they should be from the sound of it. There's nothing wrong with your parents being proud of him - so long as this pride is not (inadvertently?) causing your parents to be neglectful of you. If your parents are indeed being legitimately neglectful, by accident or not, this is a situation that needs to be rectified.

You need to talk to your parents, perhaps make efforts to accomplish things that will make them proud of you. Wallowing in self-pity does not demand respect, sorry if that sounds harsh but it's true.


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You need to discover that for yourself. Find the answer, and you will discover your purpose in life.


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Did you consider simply not telling anyone? Your sexuality is your business, so why do you feel compelled to tell anyone something that is none of their business to begin with - especially when it is only going to contribute to the disharmony that already exists in your home.

Make your peace with your parents, concerning the issues that currently exist. And then decide whether or not to tell your parents about you being gay.

Answer 4

I think that it's not shameful at all to be a gay .
So what a gay?
Gays are humans too!
There's no need to cry yourself to sleep becuz I'm sure your parents love both you and your brother .
If they do not love you, they wouldn't be paying school fees to let you go to school .
Or maybe if you still feel inferior to your brother, you can find some stuff you to pickup and make sure get really good at it .
Try to make your parents proud of you too!
If that doesn't work, have a talk with your parents WITHOUT your brother .
Oh, and remember, try to talk to your parents about you being a gay .
REMEMBER, being a gay is not shameful .
Hope this helps . (:

Answer 5

Dear Scared,
You already have the answers you need. God made you. God created you as you are, and he has a purpose for you, and you have just not realized it yet.
Your parents, are not being loving in God's eyes, all humans deserve love and respect, and the understanding of acceptance.
It may be they just understand your brother, relate to him .
But you can't force them to understand you. You are Gay, and that is the path God has set you on. You are not going to Hell and this does not make you odd nor a misfit. You will have to find your own road, your own set of loving friends and people you feel are family. I would wait until you are older to let them know you are Gay.
Get your education, go out in the world and take your place in the world, become confident and strong in your sexuality. Then deal with your parents. Stay out of your brothers shadow. Make your own shadow.
Fear is a sickness in it's own right. There is nothing you need to fear. You are who you are, you are not defined by your religon, your parents, or by peoples ignorance. Be strong , learn about who you are and seek out others like you. Read , learn, have conviction of self. Bless you.

Answer 6

It must be very painful, to feel so alone, and mis-understood.
there are probably places on line, with people you can talk to about this.

sort of a "gay teenager support group?"

If you live in a large enough area, there might actually be meetings.

I think it might be easier for you if you quit thinking about "how could God do this or that."
Everything you have been told about God came from humans - and they have biases, misunderstands, some of them learn the wrong lessons.

I am sure i have heard of some groups of Gay catholics, but that was when i lived in California. hang in there, it can get better.

Answer 7

I would go to the religious section of Answers for advice. You might run across people who have gone through the same thing, or know of someone who has.

I think it would be cruel for your family to react in a way that hurt you about this. They might be so old school that they thought it was a choice that you could make, when clearly it's not.

The only other word of advice I could possibly give is to wait until you're 18 and able to move out. Then you would have more control of your life. You might need to find one person in the family you could trust, and then let it out slowly. You still might risk persecution from your family, but is it better to live a lie?

Answer 8

I feel so much for you. First off, never be ashamed of who you are. You are this way because it's who you are, the way you were born. You cannot change it, don't try, it will only create more heartache for you. Find yourself a good support group and confide in friends that you trust. It will help ease the uncertainty if you can talk to someone openly without fear of judgement. I suggest, as sad as it is, to not let your family know that you're gay until you are able to support yourself. As with most devotely relgious families, they will shun you and treat you like a pariah, so it's best you have somewhere stable to go. My heart breaks when parents cannot love their children for who they are. Please, for your own sake, find a support group, confide in a friend if you can, and stop being ashamed for the beautiful person you are.

NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE GAY!!! WHY WOULD ANYONE VOLUNTEER FOR A LIFE OF REJECTION AND JUDGEMENT?!?! DON'T BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE

Answer 9

Your fear and feelings of loneliness only support my personal belief that people don't chose their sexuality. I am not gay but I can only imagine how isolating and heavy this secret you carry must be. Coming out will be the honest thing to do for yourself and your family will have to come to terms with it. I am not saying you need to come out to your family immediately but I do think you need to talk to someone. Try contacting Gay/Lesbian support group. You are not alone and there is no need for you to go through this alone. Get support to help you through this.

Good luck and I wish you well.

Answer 10

you are your parents son that love you and should love you for who you are not who you love easier said than done i know i am catholic also but hope i have enough compassion in me to love my children for who they are should anything like this arise in our family i have no answer for you only you can decide when the time is right to tell them this news also i feel that you could do with some counseling for your self to accept who you are before you ask others to accept you good luck and have a happy life