She wants an abortion and I want her to keep the baby? Please Give me advice.?

Question

So I have been with this girl for 1 month and it has been very rocky, we are always fighting and then two days later we are good and we make up. she is a bit of an acholic and has 2 dui's and has not drivin a car in 4 years, also her brother died 2 years ago and she is very emotionaly distant from me and has trobule talking about her feelings. she blames her brothers death on her self. On the plus side she is atractive and has a great senive humor at times and we get along great when all is going well. We got in a big agument and didn't talk for 2 days she called me and apoligized, the next day she called and told me she is pregnate. I went to her house to comfort her and talk to her, she realy didn't seem that upset and she told me she wants to get an abortion and told me she has had one in the past (when she was 22, she is now 27, I am 24) The problem is I want her to keep it and don't know how to tell her or what to say to convince her. I love kids and feel i would be a great father

Answer 1

You might want to start by just educating yourself about abortion--what it is, how it's done, and what its side effects are. For example, those who have abortions have an increased chance of breast cancer, suicide, and substance abuse. After you've learned some of the basic information, why not sit down with your girlfriend, review your concerns for her and your child, and show her some of the websites you've been doing research on? You might mention that you'd even be willing to raise the child on your own--and help her through the pregnancy.

Perhaps you could take her to a local pregnancy resource center. You could find a local one by going to http://www.nationallifecenter.org or calling
1-800-848-5683. These centers provide pregnant women with free help: pregnancy tests, food, diapers, counseling, clothing, toys, shelter, health care referrals, adoption information, even money and ultrasounds, etc. These centers have helped many women over the years to choose life by providing them with information and resources.

I think you should also try to get your girlfriend into counseling for her grief and guilt as soon as possible. You sound like a really nice person, I hope things work out well for you, your girlfriend, and your child. If I can be of assistance, don't hesitate to email me.

Answer 2

The last thing you should do is have an abortion. First of all, the baby is already starting to form. Itd be like murder to have an abortion. Second, you don't want to ruin your relationship with your fiance'. If hes really the one, you don't wanna lose him because your afraid. He'll be there for you and you both can do it together. I'm 19 years old and have a 3 month old baby. After highschool I was planning on going to college and become a chef. Everything was all set. But then I became pregnant. My decision was to put off college for a little while. But you dont have to do that. I read some of the other answers, and although you may not know any of us, you have a lot of support and a lot of people believe you can do it. After your babys born, you'll have 9 months with him/her to bond with her. The hard part of having a baby will be over, which is the first month or so, sometimes a couple months. Don't worry about how big you'll be. I was worried about being big also, but being big because youre pregnant is a beautiful thing. Youre carrying a human being inside of you. You and your fiance' made that baby with your love. You both created it. I know plenty of women who were pregnant in school, and they did it. My cousins girlfriend has two baby boys and finished highschool and got her CNA liscence while pregnant. You can do it too. Once you get an abortion, that baby is gone. You can never get it back. Trust me, as a 19 year old mother of a 3 month old baby girl, it'll be worth it to keep your baby. Seeing your baby stare at you for the first time, or grab onto you finger for the first time, or seeing your babys first smiles and hearing the first laughs. Its all worth it. Whatever you have to go through. Having someone so little love you no matter what, and to put all their trust in you, its a great feeling. Just don't get the abortion. You'll regret it. I know a few people who did, and they regret it almost everyday. Theres people out there who are trying so hard to have one, and you have one and you just cant let it go. Your babies thoughts on abortion!! Month One Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy, I'm a girl! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! Help me! Month Seven Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every abortion is just... One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak. Hope this helped. P.S. This baby didn't ask to be brought in this world, you brought it. Your baby comes first, ALWAYS. And you can't abort the baby without your fiance's consent. It's illegal. Keep the baby. It's 150% worth it. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You need to find an even ground either through group conseling or do fact finding on you own from both perspectives if she would have an abortion what affects would she suffer not just physically but mentally and if you were to have the child what would the impact be.
Maybe she might consider carrying the baby full term if you were to keep the child and she did not have anything to do with the child.
Do some data research together if you can so she sees what you see and doesn't think you made it one sided but whatever you do get some counseling because this is very difficult to handle and if you love you need to reassure of your love constantly at this time it sounds like she really needs you and you already know it but keep in there somewhere along the line a rainbow has to shine through

Answer 4

best idea i have is to take her to a clinic that will show her the baby inside her first. that way she can realize it as a human being instead of just something growing in her like a tumor. explain to her that if she doesn't want to keep the baby to at least bring it into the world and then give it up for adoption. give the child a chance in the world. What if her parents had decided when they found out they were pregnant with her that they had an abortion.
But if she does carry the baby, then she has to watch the drinking. having 1 to 3 drinks a week can cause fetal alcholic syndrome in some children, a very serious condition. that child would have medical problems it's whole short life.
The only reason i can come up with for why the abortion should be legal is if the mother is in serious medical danger if she keeps the child.

Answer 5

Wow. You seem like a great guy. A month isnt a long time to know someone. But things happen. You guys should talk about it and decide what to do. If she has so many emotional problems, she might not be a good mother, all though you might feel you will be a great father, a child needs two great parents!!! I dont think she is ready :(

Answer 6

1st of all if you have only been seeing each other in a month and she is pregnant is concerning enough. I think that is probably too soon for her to even start feeling any symptoms unless you made out on the 1st day. She may have lied to you and now she needs to pretend as if she is having an abortion to get out of it.

Answer 7

what a yuck spot your in...I salute you 100 percent for wanting this baby and not wanting her to go through with abortion...we need more like you sir...lol...on the other side, shes alchoholic and depressed...situation is not the best for the baby...talk to her and ask her why is she considering abortion, you NEVER know what she might say...you know the very reason why she WANTS one could be the VERY reason why she should keep the baby...that baby just may make all her drinking problems and depression go away...babies are miracales, You never know...just talk and talk as much as you can, and why werent you using protection...a months a little short to be going unprotected dont you think? anyways good luck

Answer 8

You may want this kid, but she doesn't. And while I'm all for liberalness and freedom, I think she is making the right decision for her. You don't even know if this is your kid for sure. (I'm not saying this she did cheat, but your relationship isn't on the best terms...and you've only been dating for a month). But, this isn't your decision to make at this point, so unless you can sit her down, and tell her that you will take care of this kid when she won't or doesn't, and that you will take care of this kid if she is in jail, or she leaves for good, and she agrees, you will just have to accept her decision. It's her body, so her decision is final.

Answer 9

Hun, this woman sounds extremely unstable and I think it would be a HUGE mistake for her to have this child, ESPECIALLY if she's an alcoholic. I think it would be in your best interest to just walk away from this woman, before you get seriously hurt by her. There are other women out there that want to have a family.

Answer 10

unfortunately the only thing you can do if you want her to keep the child is to convince her to keep it. Because she has the burden of carrying the child to term, you've got no legal right to force her to have the child.
If you can convince her to keep it, and maintain custody of it, you might be able to raise a decent child.