A good reward system for a 9yr. old girl...?

Question

My 9 yr. old needs to learn how the decisions, good or bad, affect her. Can you include a method for rewarding good behavior and one for bad behavior? Like chart or bank of some kind? Include all details please, thank you!

Answer 1

Heres the short answer: Use something called the "premack principle"...which means that to increase a behavior that happens infrequently (e.g., homework), you use something that happens frequently (e.g., watching tv) as a reward. So example, your daughter's room is a mess...the rule is that if her room is clean by 5pm, she can watch tv. There is no tv until the room is clean. Of course, be reasonable, and begin with small, realistic goals. A 9 yr old cant be expected to have everything in perfect order, I mean, I dont know any adults who do. But you get the idea.

The key is to reward good behavior as often as possible, and it doesnt have to be tangible. Praise goes a long way. If they are given positive feedback for good behavior, then the bad behavior will naturally decline. Most people wait for the bad stuff to happen and then punish. This is a weak form of behavioral modification.

Heres another one, which is highly effective for increasing behaviors, it's the same principle used in casinos, i.e., slot machines. When you reward a behavior, reward it randomly. For example, if your daughter does something helpful around the house (helps you clean up the table without being asked), you take her for ice cream. Make sure she knows it was specifically for cleaning up without being asked.

She will do it again, expecting ice cream. But you will not give her ice cream every time she does it. So she will begin doing more and more nice things, because she never knows when the next reward is coming. Sometimes she gets ice cream for every 4th time she cleans up, sometimes its for every 2 times, and sometimes she gets it after 6 clean-ups. Its like those poor souls at the slot machines. They just keep going because maybe, just maybe, they will hit the jackpot if they just crank that slot enough times. Same goes for kids. But make sure you do it enough to keep them interested, and then gradually increase the intervals, and mix it up, do it for any nice thing they do, and then her range of positive behaviors will increase, not just cleaning the table. She'll learn that when she does a desitable behavior, and she did it because she wanted to, not because she "told to", then good things happen.

Answer 2

Google 1-2-3 Magic and Phelan. 1-2-3 Magic is a behaviour plan developed by Dr Phelan that is just so simple to use and it really works. I have used it for years, and it covers (or rather different parts of the program cover) 0-18 yrs. You can start it at any time, so not having done it before is not a problem, and it takes the yuk out of managing behaviour and allows you to just get on with enjoying parenting.

Answer 3

I think that the best thing you are going to have to do is follow through with consequences of her choices. For instance, you can't go to your friend's house until your room is clean. Then, when it's time for her to go, you check her room. If her room is clean, she gets to go. If not, then she doesn't. It's the only way she's going to really learn, because, at this point, she has no understanding of money either. With money, you have to do the same thing, basically. Perhaps a chore chart, and at the end of the week, if she got all her stars she should, she gets her allowance...that sort of thing...I have a friend who incorporates good school behaviour into the chore chart and reward system at home which works really well. She has a son who has ADHD, and it really helps him. Knowing that his choices at school will be told to mom makes a huge difference for him.

The best kind of reward system is having the natural consequences of her actions. If you have to invent a consequence, it isn't going to make a big impression. But natural ones are. "You can't have milk because you dumped it all over the floor", is one the happened to my niece. It was easy to explain and understand, and difficult for her to handle at the time. But she did. And once she got over her initial disappointment, she didn't get into the milk by herself anymore because she didn't want to spill....Good luck.

Answer 4

We have a chore chart with magnets that we bought at Target in the office and note-board section. My son is seven and has ADHD, and the system works great for him. His chores are simple - get dressed, brush teeth, homework, pick up his room before bed, brush teeth again. He manages his day, and when I tuck him in we go over the chart and put the stars on whatever he completed. Since your daughter is a bit older, you'll have to be a little more sophisticated and creative about rewards and chores than what we do, but you get the idea.

We decide on three reward goals at the beginning of the week. Rewards include things like picking the restaurant on family night out, a trip to the bookstore and a new book, movie night (we just do a DVD at home). We make one goal very easy to reach - 20 stars (like helping me make cookies one afternoon), one he has to work to reach - 30 stars, and one goal that he can only miss two or three stars the entire week to achieve.

For rewarding good and bad behavior, we've found that having a diary for video game time works well. He loves his video games, and he earns game time by being good and helping out. When he does good things, we write 15-30 minutes into his diary. He gets a 10 minute time out when he acts up. If he continues to act up, we'll cross out time in his game diary. He's gone into the negative before, and he has to earn his way back into the positive before the game comes out again. I like this system because it helps me remember to give him opportunities to succeed and helps us realize when something's way out of balance and we need to work on our communication.

Be consistent, make sure your daughter knows what is expected of her, and let her know that she alone is responsible for her behavior. Keep the lines of communication open, and allow her to feel in control of her responsibilities (don't push her to finish chores or remind her more than once a day - it's her loss if she forgets, and if the rewards are worth it, she won't forget.)

Good luck! I understand what you're going through - we had an entire year of acting out before we initiated this system. Just get through one day at a time, and eventually they'll be adults! Yay!

Answer 5

When I was a kid we would get $1/wk allowances (not a practical amount in today's world) But mom would pay us in dimes... she would start our week with 10 dimes and take one away each time we got into trouble. Sometimes we would end up with our whole dollar and sometimes not... but it didn't take long for us to catch on!

There was always the physical labor punishments too... I remember one time I got into severe trouble (I think I might have taken the car joyriding or something...) but I had to rake the yard in JANUARY (in Iowa!) at 9pm at night!!

Answer 6

I used privileges as a "reward". Good behavior got privileges and bad behavior got none.

Answer 7

easy. bad behaviour = no sweets at the end of the week , good behaviour= sweets at the end of the week at the end of the month good behaviour will also be rewarded by a trip out!