My Neice is a cutter but is terrified to tell her Dad?

Question

My neice just admitted to me that she's a cutter. She has asked me to not involve her father at this point and I promised her I wouldn't.
But honestly, I'm really worried for her.

I've always had a really close relationship with my neice and more so since her mother died almost two years ago. She's 14 and just about to move away from everything she's ever known. My brother (Her father) is moving her and her little sister down to Florida in about a month and I know this impending move has contributed to her fragile emotional state...especially since his decission to do this came just months after her mother's death.

My brother has a HUGE temper when pushed. He had massive rage issues growing up and has learned to control his emotions to the point of denying any emotions at all. His feelings about mental illness is that it's just something people should learn to "get over."

But I don't know how to help her...

Answer 1

This is an extremely serious psychological condition not to be taken lightly. She needs help, and if the best way to get her that help is to talk to her father, that is what you should do. I've listed some websites that deal with the issue, and one that deals specifically with helping family understand the problem. You could also talk to other family members who you trust who could then join you in talking to your brother. It is possible that when they move, your niece's self-injurious behavior will increase, so I would urge you to do what you can for her.

Answer 2

Well if he has rage issues I def. would not tell her father. Perhaps get her into a counseling program without him knowing or give her some sites to help her out there are many on the internet. One that is really graphic and might deter her from cutting is..

www.psyke.org

Just be there when she needs to talk to you. Most people who self injure do not commit suicide in the way they SI. So suicide is not a very big issue. However, if anxiety or depression is the problem you may want to have her put on something like paxil or effexor.

Answer 3

She is lucky to have a close and caring adult that she trusts enough to confide this secret in. Of course you should be worried about her. By the discription of her father, do you blame her for not wanting to tell him her secret, he will probably only make things worse for her. You are in the terrible situation of being in the middle, where you know about the problem but there really isnt much that you do. it is a bad place to be, i know from experience. All you can really do is be there for her when she needs you and let her talk to you about her problems and just listen, she needs that most of all right now, plus talking about her pain will ease the need to cut, trust me, i wouldnt have near as many scars and cuts that i have now if i had someone i could talk to. im sure her life has been pretty sucky since her mom died, i know it is something i would cut myself over. I'm sry you are in this helpless position, it is a horrible feeling to not be able to help the person you care about.

Answer 4

Try taking her to a family session with you and her in a psychologist's office. Let the psychologist know the situation and what's going on. Maybe eventually the psychologist will be able to get her father to come into a session with you and her and tell him exactly how dangerous it is for her to be cutting herself. He may not buy it, but it's worth a shot. You could save a life and you would feel better knowing you tried. Make sure it is a psychologist and not a psychiatrist because psychiatrists will only prescribe meds and send her home. good luck!

Answer 5

From the perspective of a cutter:

I would hate for my parents to know. I think it would be worse if one of them had a really bad temper. They just have average ones. I don't want to deal with them as well, or what they'd say, as they already contribute so much negative stuff to the situation.

I know one of the best things is to know there's someone to call, talk to.

And I haven't been able to "get over" it at all. Believe me, I've tried to feel differently. I don't want this state of mind at all. But I haven't been able to, and it's taken one of my friends years to come to terms with it, and two others are still trying.

Maybe offer just that, to talk whenever, or money to go to a therapist, if there's any way to dress it up for dad.

Answer 6

There is a new helpline for kids called Girls and Boys Town Hotline. You could call it for her or have her call it. The number is 800 448 3000.

Too bad your brother doesn't function well enough to help his daughter. They should be in family therapy. I think when your niece can, she should get a part-time job and get herself into therapy. Perhaps you can call her school counselor and ask what programs are offered through the school. You could mention the death of her mother and simply say that your niece has acted very destructively since then.

Answer 7

If your Brother has a temper you do NOT want to start hiding stuff from him , going behind his back , or lying to him about his daughter. Especially if his wife died recently.

He is probably still trying to pick up his life .

If it was the middle of a school year I would suggest you offer to keep the girl with you until the school year was over , and let her relocate over the summer.

You need to tell your Brother, he needs to know , maybe invite him over and tell him his daughter has a serious problem. He might surprise you .

Answer 8

I think u should talk to ur neice ask her what is making her so angry that she has to hurt herself. Let her know that is not her fault about anything that is happening arround her including her mothers death and that everything happens 4 a reason so it is not good to beat up on herself about it because it only makes the situation worse

Answer 9

You should ask your brother if you can keep your niece with you for a while and take her to a doctor or therapist so that you can seek some help to see why she is cutting herself like that. If you don't do anything or if her father doesn't do anything it's only going to get worse.

Answer 10

See self harm, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 4: print/copy or refer her. Learn, and teach her the relaxation methods on pages 2, 9, and 11, ASAP: she will need them, since he won't change.