My husbandisthe only one working and I feel guility because I can't work. Any one got some advice?

Question

I just feel that I can't take the stress any more.My husband yells at me like I am a child and that hurts.I had some serious sucide thoughts today. He doesn't understand how I feel. I have depression and fibromyaliga. anyone have any suggestions on whatto do. I see a councilor once a week but that don't help.

Thank you everyone foryour wonderful answers.

To most of you I have applied dor disability in Jan. 2005. I have been denied 3 times and 1 time before the law judge, but I'm not going to give up. I will keep right on appealing to they givemt what I have earned.

Answer 1

you said that you go to counseling but maybe you should go to a counselor with your husband and explain to him how serious you are about your depression.

Answer 2

I'm 30 years old and I haven't worked since 1999. My whole family has serious mental health issues. I've been on Social Security Disability since 2001. Alot of people can't understand how someone with severe mental health problems feels. I had some of my best friends turn against me, simply because they couldn't understand why I wasn't working. They would tell everyone that it was laziness. It's like I'm at home ready to cut my throat because I was in so much pain, and all I wanted was for someone to listen and understand, without judging me. My wife left me because she couldn't understand.

I think you should try to get on disability. You obviously can't work, and the guilt you speak of sounds so much like myself. That way you can be bringing in some income. This is very important though: Social Security usually always denies you on the first time. Get a short letter from your psychiatrist, just stating your diagnosis and how it affects your ability to work. My psychiatrist wrote a short letter, only maybe 5 or 6 sentences, and I got it. And even though I don't have fibromyalgia, my mom does, and I've also talked to other people who have it. I know it can be excruciating.

On alot of days, I can't even function. People talk about getting a part time job, but what they can't understand is that sometimes the thought of just doing routine things, like brushing our teeth, taking a shower, and eating, are almost insurmountable obstacles that we face every day.

Believe me, I understand. The phone number to Social Security is 18007721213. I hope that you can get to a point where you have a little bit more peace of mind.

Answer 3

Have you discussed with your Doctor treatment and the future.

I had a friend with your condition and she finally just had to learn to live with it and take some medications to help with the symptoms.

Is there any work you could get even part time , that you could be successful at. ? You would feel better about yourself if you were working , you would have more adults to interact with, rather than being home all day, and actually being active might take your mind off your problems.

If you cant do much at all, I would try to get your husband into the counselor so he clearly understands how much pain you are in and how disabling the condition is.

Answer 4

Lots of people work with depression and/or fibromyalgia. Take a small job at first.

Visit your GP and get a depression prescription. If it doesn't work, get a chromosome depression test through the Mayo Clinic and it will have medication recommendations based on the outcome of the test. Get a weekly massage for the fibromyalgia.

Yell back like your husband is a child.

Answer 5

He has no reason to yell at you. If you are undergoing treatment for your problems you may be well enough to get another job soon. He is probably under a lot of financial stress with you not working and if you two lose your vehicles or your house or file bankruptcy because he can't support you he will feel guilty or blame you.
My nephew's wife had depression last fall and lost several months work but they were able to adjust her medicine so she could get back to work before they lost everything.
Good luck, make sure if your meds don't work you keep trying until you find something that does.

Answer 6

One thing you could do is consider taking some classes in something you could do from home. Lots of people with fibromyalgia and other similar problems have had to seek training so they can be in charge of their own work hours. You could also try crafts if that would be a better choice for you. Crafts can be tax deductible.

Please read my 360 blog for things that I have found that help with my fibromyalgia.

Its hard for our families to adjust to our illnesses. What you are going through is very common. My husband was no different than yours. When you have a chronic health problem its common to go through a mourning period for the loss of your old life and the idea that you are no longer in charge of what your body is doing. Its the same for our families. Our illness affects them as much as it does us. Its not your fault , you didn't ask to have this happen.

Have you joined a support group? I found them to be very helpful. You just need to remember not to let all the stories just like yours (and mine) to drag you down farther. Look for the positive things you can take from support groups and leave the rest behind.

Answer 7

See depression treatments, and stress, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 2, and 7, and read page 5. At http://www.natural-herbal-remedies.net scalding hot showers are recommended for fibromyalgia; go to groups at Google, Yahoo, and Myspace; use the WebFerret search engine, Wikipedia, and Google websites, and contacy the relevant associations. Tell your husband about the effect this is having on you: discontinue the counselling (maybe consider CBT in some months, if needed), and pursue couples therapy/marriage guidance counselling instead(churches often provide this: Methodists, Unitarians, Catholic counselling: you don't need to be a member: fees negotiable, or free). Consider babysitting and doing the more lucrative online surveys, and volunteer, even from home: then he couldn't say you weren't at least doing what you can.

Answer 8

im sorry your husband is an idiot, and i mean that with as much respect as possible. im glad you only had thoughts today and didnt go through with anything.

even though you are not working secularly, you are a wife, and you have plenty to do at home. THAT IS WORK!!! i wonder if he could stay home for a day and do the many tasks a woman has to do. I BET NOT! you need to find a great neighbor or friend to confide in. if he doesnt understand how you feel there is no use in trying to explain it to him. when you get super frustrated and cant take it anymore go to your friend.

Answer 9

have you applied for disability or unemployment? That might help. Find info online about your diagnosis and show it to your husband, although if your husband is treating you badly, it could be the root of your problems. If your counselor isn't helping, find a new one, and talk to your doctor about antidepressants or sleeping aids, lack of sleep can cause fibromyalgia. Try a support group, they have some for almost everything. Good luck, and remember that God loves you, and you are ultimately the one responsible for your own life and feelings, so if you can isolate the root of your problems, you will be able to help yourself. Things can be hard, but you are bigger than any problem you face.

Answer 10

Hello, the fact that you ask shows you care and too many times someone tells others they feel suicidal no one takes them serious. i dont know you but i hurt just hearing how you feel. heres my honest answer and im not assuming you are this way. theres nothing worse than coming home from hard work and the person home all day didnt do much to maintain the house. you may be already doing these things but ill give a few. make sure the laundry is done and dishes clean. just simple things. you dont have to make 3 course meal just have something for the person coming home to eat. tell him you love him if its true. if you guys dont have alot of money because of only one income try not to spend lavishly without knowing if he can afford it. if he yells at you like a child it may be hard to have alot of love or affection for him. what im saying is you dont have to work to be valuable. do everything else to your best ability and keep your head up even when the depression makes you want to crawl under a rotten log. if you do your best and he still treats you bad i recommend you not argue back just walk away and be the adult, he might feel ashamed. these suggestions may or may not work. you know him better than anyone. love yourself.

Answer 11

First off, please don't feel that way. You really need to talk to someone

Talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. He shouldnt treat you that way.

Theres nothing you can do about having FMS. Its not your fault, dont feel that way. I am not sure how bad you have FMS, but it does make people physically not able to do work. He shouldnt treat you different from anyone else.

Try to stay busy and do thing around the house if its possible for you. Keep active, you shouldnt feel bad for not working because there is a damn good reason why you cant.