Forgiving AND Forgetting?

Question

I have been dealing with a situation where some of my closest friends betrayed me. I'm not going into any details. So I've really been studying forgiveness and listening to teaching on the subject. It's something I really struggle with. I've heard a lot of teaching (the majority of teaching on this subject) where you don't have to forget. Where is that in the Bible? I don't see it. All I see are references to forgiving and FORGETTING "Their sins and inequities He remembered no more" - and on and on and on. That we are to have a complete do-over so that we don't even remember what they did. A complete clean slate, where we view our Christian brother as a sinner saved by grace just like us, instead of my Christian brother, I've forgiven you , but you are the guy that did X to me so that every time we hear their name we don't think about them as a brother in Christ that we love, but this guy that did X to me. See? a clean slate, no memory. all gone. (cont)

I remember one time I was at work and this guy that wasn't a Christian asked me about some obscure verse in Deuteronomy - and he thought that maybe God was holding the Israelite's sins against them. But no, he'd forgotten about the sins completely and he just lovingly gave the law again. That's the pattern I see in the Bible. Over and over and over a clean slate. BUt we still want to keep remembering and keep the memory of the offense alive, it's just so hard to let it all go. It's easier for some people than others. I think if you think that you can still remember, you probably won't really forgive as easiliy as if you really thought you had to forgive and forget about it, and you won't get any freedom from it until you forget?

anybody have any comments? Scriptures? please be respectful.
Am I right? wrong?

thanks

I guess where this comes from is I thought I had forgiven people, but then I still think poorly of them. I think of them as deceptive people, or I think of them as __________ or whatever they did. The worse the offense the worse I think of them. I guess I"m not wanting to hold things against people, but whre I have trouble is in trusting people again.

So if I"ve forgiven do I let it go, and then contact them or not? how do I know. When a person has betrayed you and shattered your trust completely? I'm trying. thanks

Answer 1

Bless your heart. Sorry you are struggling so. :o(

The scriptures tell us:

Mt 5:44 But I say unto you,
Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you

Lu 6:28
Bless them that curse you, and
pray for them which despitefully use you

Lu 6:35 But
love ye your enemies, and
do good, and
lend, hoping for nothing again; and
your reward shall be great, and
ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

QUESTION: Do you see ANYWHERE in those scriptures were we are commanded to FORGET?

"Their sins and inequities He remembered no more" refers to GOD...it is HE that remembers no more....there is no command for us to FORGET.

Quite the contrary....man can not forget because of our humanity. I heard a lady once say that she has forgiven and forgotten all the hurt others have done to her. IF she indeed forgave AND FORGOT all the hurt others have done to her, HOW does she know any hurt has been done to her?

No we do not FORGET but we are COMMANDED to FORGIVE....or we will not be forgiven.

I am not saying it is EASY....I REMEMBER the hurts I have received during my lifetime...but I have FORGIVEN those who hurt me....and by the hurt I have become a WISER individual...so as not to be hurt in the same way again. Infact I have welcomed those who hurt me with OPEN arms.

To NURSE a hurt never allows it to HEAL. It is like getting a scab on an injury and constantly picking it open.

Mt 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Mt 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


Heal dear one.

Answer 2

I think you are a little confused. The verses you reference in the Bible tells us that GOD remembers our sin no more. Thankfully for us! But we are NOT God. I don't think we are humanly capable of forgetting nor do I think we are SUPPOSED TO forget. Why? Because if we forget then we never learn any lessons. Example: If you loan money to John Doe & he never pays you back you can forgive him of that debt but you should never forget that he didn't pay. Why? Because next time he asks for a loan you will have the knowledge & wisdom to say, "Sorry, no." God doesn't expect us to be stupid. And He certainly doesn't expect us to be HIM! That said, if you harbor HATE in your heart for these "friends" it is like an acid that destroys the vessel which holds it. Forgive, remember the lesson, let it go & then go on with your life. You must do it for your own peace of mind & your own salvation. God bless!

EDIT: You should tell the person you forgive him but that doesn't necessarily mean renewing the relationship with him. It's enough just to say "I forgive you." If you are sincere, God has a completely incomprehensible way of helping us get over things. I don't know how it works, I just know it does.

Answer 3

You don't have to forgive and forget. By forgiving someone who has done you wrong you have also forgiven yourself for being judgemental against that person. Forgetting about the incident and not learning from it is where you begin to have troubles. You need to forgive but forget and to take away something from what happened no matter how small.

Answer 4

you can forgive in your heart as a christian does but you wont forget.Some Bibles have for instance have different things in the back or beginning that help you where to go to look up certain scriptures where to find them.Your just hurt or tierd youll move on.What always helped me to understand as a christian was things happen for a reason God had a plan with what happened and we cant question it just wait and see what happens with it.And I always say Ill forgive but never forget!

Answer 5

Jesus said, if we have a problem with our brother, then we are to attempt to reconcile with him, if he will not listen take one or two more with, so that every words is remembered, if he will will not listen take to the church, Jesus told us that He is not of this world nor is His kingdom, (the promised land), for were two gather together in My name, in their midst I will be. This is the Church, it is spiritual, not physical..

If you do not forgive neither will My Father forgive you.
Give me your burdens, you can not do things of the spirit with flesh and blood, ask God the Father, to take the burden from you, and he will. But, because you believe in Jesus only with your mouth and not with your heart, your guilt will come back, live the life Jesus commanded you to do all things that you know are right and avoid those things which you know are wrong.
It does not matter who was wrong, you must turn the other cheek, and trust in Jesus and believe in the fullness of the Good News.

Answer 6

The part you are quoting is talking about God.... He forgives and wipes our slates clean..... we, are never commanded to forgive, we are ask as Christians, why cant we, if Jesus died for us, and God loved us so much he sent Jesus to die, and God can fogive us for such horrible things, why cant we forgive our fellow Christians ??? Being a Christian is a continual work, to study, practice of faith, meditating on Gods word....... etc....... and God does know , as humans, we will struggle with such things.... that is why Jesus hung on that Cross !!!! The way was made for us to be recconciled with our Holy Father !!!!!!! that does not mean we can just go and sin, but as with what you are talking about, God sees and feels our pain....... Just give yourself time, ask God to do the changing of your heart........ I make the mistake myself of trying to do Gods work....... dont make that mistake yourself....... let God do it !!!!!! just ask him and He will !!!! God bless

Answer 7

That is a heavy question. For me, when I forgive, I forget without trying to.

Answer 8

I think dwelling on past betrayal and holding grudges can make people physically and emotionally ill.
Learn detachment if you can.