Teen depressed, family problems, need help. What should i do?

Question

I am 16 years old and going to be in 11th grade. My brother is now 23. I don't mean to sound whiny and sorry for myself this is just the way it is.
When I was 4 my parents got divorced. When I was 7 my dad, who did drugs and drank killed himself. My mom drank a lot too, but has been sober for almost 10 years and is so great. My brother started having problems when he was around 15, got into drugs and drinking and was put on many different medications. He was always angry. He eventually got better and stable until January when he slashed my mom and her boyfriend's tires. My mom and I had to immediately move out. He is now back on medication but is still depressed and his medicine isn't just right. Money is also pretty tight right now. But for as long as I can remember I have been depressed. I show all the signs, irregular sleeping and eating patterns, weight changes, irritable, lack of interest, low self-esteem, and most recently, always on the verge of tears. I guess my question is

do i tell my mom? She already has so much to deal with, my brother mainly. She has to worry about his medications and his therapy. I know I would feel awful if I had 2 kids on anti-depressants. Also, I don't think we can afford it either. I don't want all of my family to know what is going on, word spreads fast. I cover it well and am usually the laughing one. My mom will feel guilty when she knows I have been keeping this from her. I just really don't know what else to do. I don't have many friends I can tell all this to, and the one I can is out of town for a few weeks and I can't talk to her. Please help me if you can, tell me similar stories, give me advice. It's getting harder to be in public places...

I would also like to note that I have never, nor plan to do drugs. I don't drink either.

Answer 1

Whew. You have a lot on your plate and a lot to worry about! First, I want to commend you for caring about your mom enough to want to protect her. However, I really think that you should share what you are feeling with your mom. As a mother myself, I can tell you that I would rather have all of my kids on antidepressants or in therapy, than have them have to suffer through the symptoms of depression. As a former sufferer of depression, I can also tell you that sometimes just having someone to talk to about the feelings that you are having can be such an emotional release that you may not need any medicine. In any case, you may get a relief of some of the symptoms by telling your mom. Remind her that she is a GREAT mom, and that you are really worried about the things that your brother is doing and going through and how it is affecting you and her. If you 2 can talk frankly about the situation, and how you and she are being affected by it, you may find that some of the symptoms will disappear right away. Also, remember that your brother's choices in his life are just that ....choices. The only person who can help him at this point is himself, although you can still support him by encouraging him to stay on his meds and showing him that you love him. Don't allow yourself or your mom to fall into the trap of thinking that you are responsible for his actions. I think that if you share what you are feeling with your mom, you will discover that whatever worries you both have seem lighter if you share the load. I think that you should definately go to therapy as well. Sharing the load with a person who is not as close to the situation as you and your mom are can sometimes lead to insights that will lead you out of the valley of doom and gloom of depression. It may also help to give you new strategies on how to deal with your brother's problems and give you ideas on how to help him. Hope this helps, hun. Lastly, but most importantly, I want to commend you for your decision to stay off drugs and alcohol. That is a very mature decision. As you know, they cause more problems than they are worth. Good luck hun. I am rooting for you.

Answer 2

At 16 you've already lived through much more stress than most people do by the age of 30. You have genuinely tough issues to deal with.
It is only normal that you would feel overwhelmed, and that all this stress is playing on your health / mental / emotional health.
..........And yet, tonight you are feeling these things.

It sounds like your mom really cares about you - and is trying to keep you safe. Let her in on what you are thinking and feeling. Ask her to help you find some help.

If it's just you and your mom, and your mom's income is low, I suggest you may qualify for medical/dental/mental health care and prescriptions - Medicaid (Medi Cal in California)
You can apply through the Department of Social / Human Services in your county.

Look in your phone book Government Pages near the front.
Look under Counties for your county to find the number.
For mental health care for yourself,
Also look on the County pages for your local Mental or Behaviioral Health offices. They would take the Medicaid as payment for your care. Another thing usually available to
people with difficulty paying for services, the fee would be adjusted to the size of your family's income.

You are wise to address your symptoms soon.
You have a whole life ahead of you. Stay on the right track!

Answer 3

This will sound pretty weird, but the first thing you should do is NOT ADVERTISE this on the internet! I am a father of three (20 year old, 17 1/2, and 16). Every predator and pediphile online is reading your question and devising a plan to get at you. The more depressed you are or sound, the easier it will be for one of these guys to get you! If you are a member of a church, go to the youth minister. If you don't have a church, ask your friends if any of them go to church and start going with them! If you have a YMCA or YWCA, go talk to them, they will have a large list of FREE help you can take advantage of. Youth centers in your area will be just as helpfull. DO NOT GIVE OUT ANY OF YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION TO ANYONE YOU MEET ONLINE! Surround yourself with people that are upbeat and stay away from others who are having similar problems, until YOUR problems are solved you can't help others. Take pride in your mothers decision to stay sober, she is doing it for YOU as much as for herself, so pat her on the back. Now get away from this computer!

Answer 4

For a teen in depression, there are ways by which they can cope with these feelings to avoid serious situations. All of the following suggestions help develop a sense of acceptance and belonging that is very important in teenagers and adolescents.

They should try to make new friends. Healthy relationships with peers are central to teens' self-esteem and provide an important social outlet.
Ask them to participate in sports, job, school activities or hobbies. Staying busy helps teens focus on positive activities rather than negative feelings or behaviors.
Teens may join organizations that offer programs for young people. Special programs geared to the needs of adolescents help develop additional interests.
Ask a trusted adult for help. When problems are too much to handle alone, teens should not be afraid to ask for help.

Answer 5

Sixteen is tough no matter what. You and a lot of other kids your age seem to be mightily tested with other issues besides raging hormones and adolescent angst. There are quite a few things you can do and being around people who are upbeat and willing to share their happiness with whoever is near is a good thing to try to find. Even if you don't know them just being around people of feel good and laugh a lot can have a positive impact on you. You can also watch comedy on televsion, get joke books anything that will raise the endorphine levels in your blood and get the saritonine moving a little better. Clinical depression usually requires medication to get the hormones back in balance, but if you really want to work at it you can do it on your own as long as you stay focused on your goal. You are really young to try this on your own, but I'll bet your Mom would help if you ask her.
Another thing you need to start thinking about is this. Life will happen and days will pass no matter what you do or what happens around you. So why not force yourself to look at the bright side of things, look for the happiness wherever you can find it; we can fake ourselves into anything we want to. Teens are really good at pretending to be something they are not. So pretend to be happy and be honest with yourself about the process. Keep in mind also that if you can't work through this on your own, there is usually a mental health agency that is run by the state and can provide free assistance to people is dire need. You are old enough to realize that soon you will be expected to start taking care of yourself and so why not start getting yourself ready to do that. Set goals for yourself. You probably still have enough time to get your grades up so you can apply for scholorships and think about going to college. You can work on your self esteem issues through the internet with any number of ideas that you can google under the key words self-esteem. Make yourself everyday look the absoulte best you are able, wear a smile, look people in the eye, take yourself out of your shell and reach out to others and they will reach back. Respect yourself and expect others to respect you in turn. Put yourself on a schedule and organize each day until it is just natural. Sweetie there is hope for you and as worried as you are about your brother, he will have to deal with his issues and you need to start taking care of you --maybe if you can get strong and get your own act together, at some point in the future you will be in a better place to help your brother. But you can't help him or have much of a future yourself if you don't put yourself first for a few years to come. Best of luck and hang in there.

Answer 6

You certainly do have alot on your mind sweetie! Life can be so cruel sometimes, and yes it can feel hopeless. You should be open and honest with your mother, communication is key! And bravo for you not doing drugs or drinking, that is something to be proud of! Also, and probably most important, you need to turn to God for assist, pray for strength and perseverance! He will help you! Just remember, your situation is only temporary, it will pass!

Answer 7

Does your school have a counselor? If so, try talking to her/him. They are more used to dealing with problems like that than any of us here, and more than any friends or family you may try to talk to. If your school doesn't have a counselor, ask one of your parents to make an appointment for you to talk to someone. Just a couple of sessions should help you to get a handle on things, and then you can decide if you want to keep going.

Answer 8

God can cheer a person up, he guides our hearts however he wants. So why don't you try his way and ask him to change yours? He changed my life, and no "chemical imbalance" stopped him. On the link below is also health information as well as another health guide on the main site:

Read this http://romans916.com/universal.pdf

If you can't read it because you don't have a pdf reader either download the pdf reader here: http://foxit.cjb.net (ads sometimes pop up if you click that link) or read this alternate document:

Read this http://romans916.com/universal.rtf

Answer 9

Their is a group at AA, called Adult Children of alcoholics, where you, I sincerely believe, would find the answers to your question.
The key is that their are others there, that are going through the same thing you are going through, and having the same problems. Empathy is the key. Please follow up on this info. My best to you.

Answer 10

i find it helps when one feels accomplished or necessary.

get a fullfilling job such as an assistant teacher at an elementary school or a lifeguard.

help others, and keep yourself healthy

healthy body, healthy mind

hang in there :) everything works out when u have faith in urself!