Still a virgin after oral sex; feeling guilty?

Question

I'm a Christian and I have always belived in staying a virgin until I was married. I always thought I would be. I started dating a guy that I met at college and after a few months i ended up giving him oral sex, I feel so bad. I didnt let him do anything to me even though he wanted to. Am I still a virgin? I'm hoping but I dont really think so...I've asked for forgivness and I cant believe how stupid I was and how I messed up my life. It only happened once. A few months later we broke up over unrealted stuff and now I feel even worse about it. I keep thinking God might of caused us to break up because we werent pure. So right now Im dealing with being so heartbroken over the break up and feeling guily. I know God has forgiven me but I cant get past the guilt. And if me and my ex never get back together, I'm worried my future hisband might lose respect for me. Any Christians know of anything that could help me not feel so guilty?

for all the people saying read the Bilbe more and whatever...I know I've been forgiven, I just feel like yuck. Like I lost something I didnt want to. And I feel guilty.

Answer 1

You're going to helllllllllllll! Pack your bags now, because you are on your way.....
To be serious with you, don't worry about it...it's totally natural! People have been doing it for the longest time (even the most religious people), in the old times they just snuck around and now people are more open about it....even Jesus got him some with the ladies and that's in the bible...what do you think he did in private with the ladies (hint: it wasn't preaching that's for sure!)

Answer 2

First of all, big hugs to you. I know exactly what you're going through. I went through an experience very similar. I was a virgin up into college, and I experienced similar guilty feelings when I first did those things.

There are a few things to keep in mind:
First: you did NOT "mess up your life." It was something you did in the past. If you see it as a mistake, then learn from it. Remember: GOD DOES NOT CARE. His mercies are new every morning. He has already forgiven you. Now you need to forgive yourself.
Second: These feelings of guilt are not from God! They are from what you have been told is right and what is wrong. Even if you view what you did as a sin, you can't plague yourself with guilt. Have you ever lied? Of course. But you got over it, right? You'll get over this too.
Finally: no good Christian man would lose respect for you because of what you may have done in the past. Any guy worth marrying is one who will love you for your mind, body, and spirit. He will not hold grudges.

Don't worry if you are technically "still a virgin" or not. You are you, one way or another. One act does not change your identity!

I do know how you are feeling, and my heart goes out to you. But you will move beyond this. Stay strong!

Answer 3

Yes, you're still a virgin, but you feel guilty because you realize that purity is more than just technically being a virgin. Still, it's time to stop whacking yourself over the head and accept the forgiveness that God freely offers. If you've recognized your sin, asked for forgiveness, and given it over to God, then it is not God who is perpetrating the guilt in your life.

Paul talks about how sexual sins are different from other sins in that we sin against our own bodies. Maybe one way we see the results of that is the trouble we have forgetting, leaving them behind, and forgiving ourselves.

How can you get over the guilt? Make a new commitment for purity. Decide now how "far" you will go and where you will "draw the line." Make sure you draw that line back far enough that you won't fall into impurity again. Make your commitment to God and every time you feel guilty about the past, focus on your new commitment.

Make sure you set some boundaries that will help you keep your new commitment. For example, it is better not to be alone in an apartment or on a secluded beach with a guy--staying in public places helps in the fight for sexual purity. Always staying fully clothed is helpful in that fight as well. Use your good sense and think through the boundaries BEFORE you have to use them. Then memorize them and pray them as a commitment to God--very often.

It's time to stop focusing on your past failures and focusing instead on your future successes. There's no need to go into great detail with your future husband. All he really needs to know is that you have some regrets, you're still a virgin, and you intend to stay that way until you marry. Consequently, you have set up some boundaries to help you in your goal of purity. If you find he needs more info, that's something the two of you will need to discuss with a Christian counselor.

Now get on with your life.
Best Wishes and God Bless.

Answer 4

You are still a virgin the only time that you are not a virgin is when you have sex the regular way or anal. We all make mistake, the best way to move from that is repent and pray about it. Learn from your mistake. Dont do it again. Wait until marriage. it will be well worth it. God bless

Answer 5

You feel guilt, because you are guilty. It is the holy spirit doing its job.

I know that you know that if you ask that you are forgiven, just make sure to ask.

Your response to the situation is proof of your salvation. Take refuge in that. For if God didn't chasten you for your mistake, he wouldn't love you..

Finally, the guilt will subside, but not until God is sure that you have remembered the lesson.

As Christ said to the lame man whom he healed: Go forth and sin no more, lest something worse happen to you.

Answer 6

First of all, I applaud you for feeling the need to keep yourself pure. Second of all, God is in control. He also loves you. If he had forgiven you, then you need to realize that the guilt you're feeling is Satan trying to make you feel like you're less then what you are.
YOU'RE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! And as long as you stay in his grace and seek his will for your life, you're still that.
You did what you did. It's in your past. Love yourself, God does, and get on with your life.

-B

Answer 7

First let me remind you about something I remind all sexually active teenagers about, even if you've only done it once:

Get tested for STD's by your doctor.

You can get an STD from Oral Sex.

Next, the definition of "virgin" isn't really clear. Most dictionaries were written before people like Ben Franklin knew what Oral sex was.

One dictionary defines it as:

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.

2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.

virgin. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved July 29, 2007, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/virgin

What is clear is this, if you have repented according to 1 John 1:8-10, then Jesus is faithful to forgive you.

Satan wants to continue to remind us that we messed up.

Yes you messed up, yes you should feel bad about it.

However, if you've confessed it to Jesus, He has forgiven you.

Take Him at His Word and move on.

Pastor Art

PS: But don't forget to see your Doctor.

Answer 8

Your guilt is normal. You need to move on and learn from it. If it bothers you that much wait until you are married.
I don't think the virgin thing is really the deciding factor.
Jesus taught that to even think of doing these things is just as bad as doing them. Everybody is a sinner in that case.
Just pray and move on and don't look back except to see what you have learned.

Answer 9

As a Christian, oral sex before marriage is still bad, your still a virgin but its a sin by lusting and seeking pleasure for the flesh, you know that you can be forgiven though. I pray that you come to understand that certain things you should not get involved with as a Christian, while we are single, we should only focus on godly things but when we are married then we can look to our spouse as well.

Answer 10

Void --not if you read the Bible. Anal or vaginal penetration aren't the only forms of sex. Genital stimulation between two people is pretty much the definition of sex, everywhere.


Don't feel bad; if the man you marry can't get over the fact that you messed up --well, he's not someone you should be marrying, I think.


(I'm not exactly a Christian, but I think my words still carry truth here)