Why do people NOT send in their RSVP?

Question

I think it is incredibly rude not to RSVP. Especially when you are provided with a postage paid envelope... even if you are NOT going, just send in the darn card! It will take about ten seconds out of your life to write "0" or whatever on the card and put it in your mailbox and let your mail man pick it up.

I receive less than HALF of my responses back. They were due Saturday. I am hoping that many of them will show up in the next couple days, but sheesh! A (rude) part of me wants to do assigned seating. If you didn't respond, then you don't have a seat! Sorry!

It's one thing to allow for a handful of non-responses, but over half the guest list!?!?

Now we have to get a group of people together to start making phone calls!

PLANNED FOR OVER HALF THE PEOPLE NOT TO RESPOND AT ALL??! SORRY BUT NO WAY.

That's a variance of over 100 people! I should plan for that? When I sent them out in plenty of time? When I included a self addresse stamped envelope? When I also included an option to RSVP via our website?

How do you plan for about 48 households to be incrredibly lazy and rude? That is absoltely asinine to even expcet that. It is rude and incosiderate not to respond. Even if the answer is that they can't attend.

Yes, there is TIME to call them all, but I shouldn't have to call 48 families and say, hey are you coming?

Answer 1

I'm in the same exact shoes as you.

I am supposed to be getting married on August 25th and had a July 25th deadline. Guess how many I received out of 30 invites? 1.. And I'm damn sure 20-25 invitees are going to come.

Maybe they just assume you know they are coming...

Answer 2

I would imagine that people aren't sending in the RSVP because either they don't' realize they need to send in their regrets (figuring you'll only plan for the people who send in a confirmed RSVP), or they figure it's a given they will be there (happens a lot with extended, but not exactly distant, family).

If you have time, wait a week to see if you get any late RSVP's. Then I think it would be acceptable to email or call (POLITELY) to verify non-responses as a regret.

You might want to word it so that it sounds like you're assuming they WILL be there. With singles, call to ask if you should be planning for them to bring a guest or no, or you could call because you didn't get their RSVP and wanted to know if they'll be wanting the chicken or beef at the reception. If they give you an answer (yes, they'll have a guest; no, they won't have a guest; or a preference in dinner), take it as a positive RSVP and hold your tongue about the extra effort you had to make to get what should have been an easy answer. If they aren't planning on attending, they'll tell you that at that time, at which point you would GRACIOUSLY say something like "Oh, well, I'm sorry you can't make it" and leave it at that.

It's about the most polite way I can think of to force an RSVP one way or another out fo it.

And know that you're not alone. It's becoming more and more common (but not more acceptable) to not RSVP at all.

Answer 3

Are you from the South? Many Southerners don't send "regrets" because they don't want to disappoint the bride & groom. Other people honestly may have forgotten, lost the cards, or thought that since they mentioned it to you or your parents in passing last month, that that counts as an RSVP. What they don't realize is that it's stressful to not know exactly who will be there, and who won't. It's pretty clear people have no idea how much these things cost per person.

My suggestion: obviously, you need to call them. Enlist the help of your maids and groomsmen. Have a party! Everyone get together for dinner, and then afterwards call all the guests (cell phones aren't evil in this case!). If you even get 5 other people to help, it shouldn't take more than a half hour. Just explain "I understand these things can get lost in the mail, I just need to know if you'll be joining us so I can tell the caterer how many dinners to have ready. I would never want you to come to our wedding and have nothing to eat!".

There are always people who will call at the last minute and say "Guess what?! I can come now!", thinking you'll be thrilled and it's no problem at all. There are also people who will forget your wedding is that weekend, oversleep, or just ditch your wedding. At my venue, we can't add or subtract any plates/placesettings after 1 week before the wedding...I don't know what we'll be doing to plan for this issue yet.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

It's irritating for sure but we are a technological world and snail mail just isn't good enough anymore.

Does it take much effort, not really but stuff happens. This is why I reccomend to all my brides that they also set up a voicemail box for people to RSVP in. We are a technological society and if we don't have to push some sort of button most people just can't be bothered.

Give them a few more days since there is no mail on Sunday (say until Wed.). After that...sorry but you are going to have to suck it up and call all 48 of the missing RSVPs or whatever is still left or risk having a really innacurate head count for the vendors. Don't be rude to the people you are calling even though neglecting the RSVP wasn't the nicest thing to do. Be polite when asking if the will attend or not and glare at the phone privately after you hang up. You are bigger than that.

Answer 5

I agree it is rude to have to call 48 families to ask if they are coming. I think it is rude that you have to even call 1 if that was the case.

The thing is, sometimes it is not their fault. I do fault those who simply "ignore" or think that the invitation to RSVP doesn't apply to them ASSUMING YOU KNOW they are coming.

When it is not there fault (which there might be a few in your large handful) .........who Didn't recieve it (mail man put in wrong box, mail is late or got lost going to them or from them.). Did you know that my husband JUST recieved a package that I mailed to him 3 and half months ago to Iraq when normally he recieves them in 7 to 10 days? Yeah, sometimes, people are not doing their "job" like they are suppose to.

I would honestly call them up a few a day (as fusturations might make the next call unpleasant form the start). I would let them know, if they recieved it, it was rude to have to call to verify it. You will get some family and friends who will have their feathers ruffled up, but I say stick to your guns, but be pleasant.

It is said by wedding planners and surveys that over half of RSVP's are not returned, most commonly. So, don't feel like you are the only one who has rude people.

I had people say they where coming and all of a sudden say they couldn't (some reason where valid. Some where difiantly not: they just realized they are afraid of water??). I understand how fusturating planning can be when it comes to that.

Take a breather. Go to a spa, relax, go have some coffee when you get flustered. Limit the stress so you can enjoy the process and the day.

Answer 6

I feel your pain, sister. You are dealing with summer holidays and people trying to sort out their calendars. I started calling and people were apologetic and let me know over the phone. Be sure to prepare a script so that everyone is saying the same thing, especially if they are leaving messages on voice mail. Hi, it's N_____, I'm calling to see if you have received the invitation to our wedding. STOP TALKING Great!! Is there any reason why you couldn't let me know today if you will be coming? STOP TALKING or Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, it may have gotten lost in the mail. Let me give you the details. .......................... Is there any reason why you couldn't let us know by the end of the week if you will be coming? Be prepared to call them again. We had people let us know as late as a week before the wedding that they were coming and then did not show up. Aggravating? YES!! Is there anything you can do about it? NO!! We had 3 no shows and just ate the cost of 3 dinners @ $90.00 One of life's little disappointments and a major frustration.

Answer 7

I totally know how you feel. I am getting married in 2 weeks and there are still a lot of people who haven't responded. Some don't even give a straight answer when asked. I have no idea why people don't respond and it is definitely rude but don't take it personal...this happens to a lot of couples. Don't let it ruin your day just enjoy the rest of the planning process.

I would give another week before you start to call people.

good luck and congrats =)

Answer 8

You CAN task your wedding party to call up rude non RSVPers and inquire if they were going or not. Let them know you to tell the people they are calling that they need it NOW for the caterer and the wedding sites and if they have no answer now they will have to be marked down as a NO and they will have no seat if they show up.

It is pure laziness. And/or forgetfulness. "I'll fill it out tomorrow" tomorrow comes and goes. Or "we've got plenty of time" sticks it in a drawer and forgets about it.

Answer 9

It is so annoying isn't it, we found ourselves in the same boat, sent out RSVP's stamped and addressed. We left it for a week over the due date then called everyone that had not RSVP'd and said "We just wanted t check whether you are able to come to the wedding, we need final numbers for the caterer" and I got yes and no's that way. I guess some people just don't view it as important.

Answer 10

Most people who do not RSVP because they either forget or are simply lazy to do it. SOme friends of mine even thinks that the person who send the invitation card should reserve a seat for them regardless if they turn up or not... so don't be angry, it's just common.