I lost a child by death? Have You?

Question

I know I am not alone when I say my only child has died. It baffles me on how many parents are out there since I became involved with three different support groups. Has there been a book or words you could share that would help? It was Nov. 11th, 2003 when I learned of my 22 yr old son's tragic death. I am thankfully a Christian and that has helped me handle and overcome all kinds of crazy thoughts in my head. Just wanted someone out there to know it is OK to talk about it and ask if there was any certain thing that helped them to cope??

I appreciate ALL the words of encouragement. The one who wrote & did not believe in God makes me wonder how in the world she has survived this long. In my case, my only child was murdered. Thankfully, he was a Christian since the age of 7. A man shot bullets into a parking lot hitting an ambulance 3 times and my son, 30 other people in the parking lot. My son ran telling people to get down when he was fatally hit. He was maybe the only one in that group who was a Christian & was not afraid to witness. Some of those people have asked me, Why Gary??? I said God had a purpose for him, he was only loaned to me to raise but he was always God's child. Perhaps God has a plan for your life and maybe this is YOUR wake-up call. The man who took my son's life did not even know him, that man is serving 40 yrs in prison now. God gave us free will, that man chose his actions upon his free will. God did NOT take my son's life, he gave him even more than that, eternal life. We will be reunited

Answer 1

My husband lost a baby girl 20 minutes after she was born on Aug 11th last year...one day after our son's 2nd birthday. I went into a deep depression and wouldn't really talk much about it at first, but then I went to my doctor and he gave me Zoloft and that helped a lot. One thing that helped me was creating a memorial in my living room on a bookshelf. The nurse that helped deliver Kimberly created a memory box with her ID tags, a blanket that the hospital provided, a picture, and cards with her foot and hand prints. I dried flowers from her funeral and placed them in a vase. and I find little angels to display. I also have cards I received at her service from friends and family displayed. I look at her picture everyday and I belong to an online support group through yahoo. There is a website where you can put your child's name on an online memorial wall and include a link to a website if you have one set up in his memory. www.angels4ever.com. They have different areas for different ages, miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, older infants and children (Which is where you would want to put your son's name) You put in their birthdate and the date that they passed.

Answer 2

I have too lost my only son on 22nd Dec 2000, his birthday was 11th Nov.1981. He was 19 years old. Nothing has helped me come to terms with the loss. I'm an atheist. I can't possibly see, if the is such a thing as as God, why he/she/it would allow such misery and such suffering throughout the world. My whole life has been one of misery and hurt with things that have happened beyond my control. I just live my life now day to day and do what I can. But why my son was taken from me beggars belief. He was my only child and I think that life if cruel and wonder what on earth we are doing here as it all ends in grief and misery. I just cope by knowing that one day the misery will end and then there will be nothing else for me to worry or bother about . The only thing I am sure is that my death will leave others feeling pain and misery. I am sorry for your loss and can sympathise with your feeling. I feel like my heart has been torn out that feeling has never gone away and will be with me until the day I die.

Answer 3

well first, my sincere condolences b/c that loss is with you forever.; I am a christian too but I read Deepak Chopra for some inspiration as to being connected to the universe and each other; it seems to have a calming effect ; I am so sorry for your extreme loss; there is no rhyme or reason to us but eternity is vast ; some things are not in our lifetimes but for us to know thereafter - the best to you; you can't forget and don't want to but you have a life that was given to you ; that life is the life that you must live ; although a parent, each person is responsible and accountable for their own time; you will never pass this way again; each day is a gift ; the very best to you; you son was called ahead of you; each of us will have to pass through death's door and no one can take our place but we are not here to die but to live no matter what is placed before us; there isn't any one person who doesn't have challenges of some sort; God has your son in his heart and in his hands; we think that Earth is the best b/c that is all we know but look at what God has made and accomplished in just what we can see and touch , the blue sky, the rainbow, the puffy clouds, creatures big and small; the wind, the ocean , the world, the stars, the planets ; that is what we know ; now can you only imagine what we don't know; trust in your maker; and live your life on your path that God intended for just you as an individual; you will see your son again; you carry him with you always ; you touch his soul and his soul yours; your path's have changed now ; trust in God's plan after all he is God. Pray for peace and live live live - my prayers go out to you ; don't let pain steal your days, minutes , hours, you will not pass this way again.

GOD DOESN'T CAUSE MISERY ; MAN DOES; FREE CHOICE BY MAN ; God allows us to have the gift of life and share in his mystery; he allows a baby to be placed in our arms for keeping until he wants his child back for a different purpose; we think from our point of loss and that is selfish ; we do know that God has a plan and purpose that mortal man has no clue and it is not our job or place to second guess God ; your son was a hero to save others at the very cost of his MORTAL life; and perhaps God said thereafter, your job is done now, come to paradise with me for your bravery ; Earth is not paradise ; Heaven is

Answer 4

I quite have never relinquished a newborn (nor had a newborn die), so i will basically come at it from an adoptee attitude... i might never want my mothers and fathers to die, there might consistently be the experience sorry approximately of the years we would desire to spend collectively, yet in terms of grief, the funeral technique and understanding that it is 'very final' even nevertheless i might want to spend greater time with them, might help getting in the direction of the grief technique. Being observed, on the different hand, is a lifelong grief technique without genuine end. I lost 25 years of getting to be conscious of my n-family contributors, and that i visit consistently be observed. So i might think of that relinquishing a newborn for adoption may be greater durable in the grief technique because of the fact it extremely is not very final and does not end...there is often the prospect you will possibly be able to desire to verify your toddler back, that sometime you have gotten a relationship, etc. etc., is conserving the grief technique going while not having an end. in the experience that your newborn had died i'm optimistic that it would make you experience undesirable and it would impact you for a protracted time, yet there is a few thing in regards to the finality of a funeral and and an quite end factor that helps human beings of their grief technique. i might say that if there is the skill to chat to a counselor, it extremely is extremely valuable in conversing approximately each and all the feelings which you're dealing with.

Answer 5

Yes. I lost my son when he was 16 in a car accident. All I know is that I prayed even when I didn't feel like praying. My faith in God and doing my best to get my daughter through this tragedy got me through. I'm very sorry for your loss. It's the most painful experience a person can go through.

Answer 6

I am sorry that you lost your son. It is so hard to lose a child. In my case it was my 3 year old grandson. He was just getting ready to start pre-school. He died of pneumonia, what a shock! I went to a support group and that helped me a lot. My Daughter-in-law and two grandsons lived with me. That was 12 years ago this October. I also am a Christian and my faith helped me.

Answer 7

i think it is the hardest thing in the world to cpoe with the loss of a child,and you are christian so that must help you a lot,i am glad i have mine,
my sister lost her 8yr old little girl to a road accident, it something i hope i will not go through again it was devastating, so i do feel for you,and keep the prayers going.

Answer 8

your son was a extremley brave person and im sure your proud, i dont know how you hav coped with such a huge loss, the biggest loss you could ever lose you too are a brave person and i wish you all the best you deserve it, i hope you find peace someday xxxx

Answer 9

I have lost my mom and my boy friend of 5 years and you never forget. the pain still there but it gets a Little bit easier to Handel
the Lord will make you stronger
God bless you and your family

Answer 10

It must be a comfort for you to know that your son is with God & one day you two will be as one. Sounds to me that he died for others, just like Jesus.
God bless you.