Having sex for 11 months, then wont b/c its a sin?

Question

If you were with someone for 11 months, very much commited, very much in love, and very VERY sexual and passionate with each other, and suddely the other decides you may no longer have sex or spend nights with each other or do anything sexual bc it is displeasing to god bc u are not married, what would you do?
What is the other person wanted to wait another two years to be married, not because they aren't wanting to, but because they feel like they need to have "a certain amount of things done (school, house ect) before marrying?

Would you wait another two years to get married and continue the way your life was? Or would you move on?

Answer 1

I would feel repected ans cherished that this person is willing to sacrifice the here and now to create a relationship that will last.

If you cannot wait for a person you do not have the kind of love that will last until death do you part.

Answer 2

well, if sex is all that matters in the relationship, please move on. If 2 people love each other then that means that they put the needs of the other ABOVE their own. if one feels like they should not continue to have sex outside of marriage (bravo for them) then the other should respect that. If they cannot agree, the relationship should end. If people weren't so concerned with what THEY wanted and THEIR needs, this would really be a no brainer.

OMG, Chic S -- So you are fine abstaining from sex with a partner ONLY if they are NOT religious??? Otherwise, they are brainwshed?? So you think if a person gives their religious beliefs as a reason for not having sex that's not a valid reason???? Just bowled over by that one....WOW.

My best friend jsut got married yesterday. She and her fiance were sexually active up until about five months ago. They both decided to remain chaste until the wedding as an act of obedience to God. Even though they had initially had sex, they made a commitment to remain pure five months ago. She said it was hard on both of them. But I think waiting is an act of love and sacrifice that God will bless. It's not just about power struggles or withholding sex from the other out of spite. Believe it or not, some people want to do what's right.

Answer 3

If I was 'very much commited, very much in love' then I would respect the wishes of the one for whom I had those feelings. This question makes it seem like the sex was all you wanted.

Many things in life will delay you from sexual gratification, your partner could become ill, or have a condition later in life that takes away their sex drive... will you be able to wait? or will it be "Sorry you've got cancer honey, but if I can't get my rocks off I'm gone!" ??

You may want to look at just how 'in love' you think you are if a sexual dry spell is going to end it all.

Especially if your partner is trying to live true to their beliefs. Even if it is a change from her previous ways, people change over time. A key part of being commited and loving someone is not loving some set-in-stone image of how you think they should be, or acted at a certain time to please you. Enjoying their personality, finding compatability, and just that special spark inside them that draws you in enough to wish for their companionship through all stages of life are the true signs of lasting love, not how hot the sex is.

Answer 4

If one loves another truly, the wait should not be overly disturbing.

I have heard and read of some who have been very sexually active in a relationship and then, for whatever reason, learn that it displeases God and brings that conduct to a halt. Of course, it would have been better not to have been intimate in the first place, but it is never too late to turn to doing what pleases God.

If you love this person, truly love this person and want to marry this person, it should not bother you. If you have to wait for two years before gettng married (although long engagements tend to be dangerous), that will show what your love is made of.

I recall that Jacob fell in love with Rachel and bargained to work seven years for her father if he would give her to be his wife. The passing years seemed “to be like some few days,” so deep was Jacob’s love for Rachel. Now that's deep love.

So I guess the question is: how deep is your love?

Hannah J Paul

Answer 5

I find two reasons for your thought process concerning God:
a. Either some people are selfish to deliberately break God's laws.
b. People get as close to the line/justify their reasonings to break God's laws.

I will put it this way, married sex is the best, especially when two are willing to commit to each other for a lifetime. Selfishness is when it is done before marriage, because it allows an escape route without commitment.
If you can't hack it, get your jacket. Coward.

I waited til I was 35 to get married. Thank God I waited. I have two great children and a wonderful wife who I KNOW will spend the rest of my life and "ripen" together.
Love has no time limits. It would be worth the wait. If you can't wait, then my guess is you're not ready. Anything that required you to wait would cause dissention.

Answer 6

It's called conviction. Sounds like your significant other, like me, found true relationship with God. I had a boyfriend at the time whom I had been wanting to marry and was sexual with. Then I had an experience with Jesus Christ and through that, realized that I wanted all he died to give me. For me, that meant following all God asks of me. Besides, there are a lot worse things than to have someone want their relationship with you to be something pure that they can be proud of. The person didn't try to use it as an excuse to dump you or exclude you from their life, so if you love the person, you shouldn't either.

Answer 7

Remember being in a relationship is about both of your needs, not just the other persons. Sounds to me like that person wants to do what they want, and don't care much for your goals, wants or needs. The waiting wouldn't bother me, but, being in a relationship means two people working together, and that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Answer 8

From an experienced viewpoint- it looks like your relationship is not the same as her relationship. You two have different ideas and goals. Sure, relationships thrive on love and conection, but if your goals aren't the same there's no reason for you to be together.
For example, guy wants only sex women wants a long term relation (typical example). My advice is DO NOT have such a relationship as you can only get hurt from it.
Apparently your girlfriend wants a very long and committed relationship with marriage and possibly kids. Is this what you want? Is this what your willing to give? And what is she willing to give in return?
Think very hard on this one. You do NOT want to make the wrong decision. Remember, the juice is not alwais worth the squeez.

Answer 9

I think it would be best to move on because you now have two people with two belief systems. Your partner who has suddenly latched on to conservative religious views and yourself who has more liberal or practical views. As time goes on your two opinions and life styles are going to change more and more which will only lead to more and bigger problems. So if you can not reconcile your convictions you probably have no future. Wanting to wait to get married may just be the first step ot the other party towards splitting up.

Answer 10

I'm going to assume the "someone" is female, and the "you" is, well, you, because I've seen this happen before. I hate to say it, my friend, but your bonny lass has your balls on a string, and she'll lead you along for as long as she pleases.

As a woman myself I'm usually loathe to support a male in ANY circumstance where he's demanding his wife/girlfriend/lover to put out, but in this case she's not being fair to you at all. I seriously doubt that her decision comes as the result of a miraculous epiphany-- she's probably had her fill of you, and this is her way of keeping you out of the bedroom while keeping you around for "fall-back" purposes. I won't make any accusations about her fidelity without more information, but in the other instance of this I've seen the girl WAS cheating on her mate-- like I said, she could really just be ready to end it, but if you start to notice her doing anything strange, don't rule infidelity out.

As for waiting to be married-- her reasons are acceptable, but that's a terrible time lapse given this situation. She probably sees it as a good window for her to find someone else and, failing that, she'll settle for you.

I'd say dump this chick and move on; again, while I really don't condone almost any situation where a man demands sex, I'm sure you'll find plenty of women out there who recognize that sex is a fun and healthy part of any good relationship, and who will be more than willing to accomodate your desire for it.

Answer 11

This may be one way to break up without having to feel guilty.

Is he also not wanting to spend as much time with you, spend more time with "friends", and making plans to leave town?

If any of these are so, then you're not just not having sex, your entire relationship is in big time trouble.

It takes two people to enter a committed relationship, but it takes only one to end it. If you want to, you can end it. He seems like he perhaps has a hard time doing so directly.

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