is it okay to spank?

Question

ok i don't think that it is okay, i think that it is child abuse. let's say i know a girl, and she has a little bro that is four. and their dad isn't violent but he spanks her little bro and cusses at him and hits him and whenever she sees it or hears it she cries her butt off. and the boy is just soo cute!!! with shaggy hair and the most gorgeous face!! so what do i do??? i mean i've seen her dad do it and sometimes the dad cusses to her infront of me and her friends. should i call the police or what. i am young i am a fifth grader what should i do??

ps. ok i admit that girl is me with the four year old brother... what should i do?

people my daddy isn't abusive!! he is just like that ok!!!!! i'm sorry it's just that i m having a breakdown. thanks 4 all of your answers. it really helps!

oh yeah and he spanks really hard and he does it like seven times. he used to do it to me. i would get scared like try to run away. i hate having to do that, cause it's like he is someone that broke into my house that tries to hurt me.

if i try to talk to him calmly then he will get mad and just explode.. he's not really what you would call caring, loving, lovable, and it seems like he's never happy...

and he doesn't leave marks or bruises. and he doesn't hit him or punch or throw him down da stairs.

Answer 1

You're right, sweetie. It's not okay to spank. When you spank a child, you teach the child that because you are bigger, you can hurt someone smaller to make them do what you want.
And spanking isn't necessary, either. It's possible to raise children without spanking them.

Unfortunately, your father was probably spanked and he is continuing this cycle of abuse with you and your brother.
Where is your mother? Does she allow it or object to it? Can you go to her for help? If not, you need to find someone else to speak on your behalf, like a teacher you can trust, or a school counselor. You can also call a child abuse hotline or Child Protective Services over this kind of abuse. I'm sure they have a listing in your phone book or you can call the operator to ask for a number.

Call this number - 1-800-4-A-CHILD
This is the National Child Abuse Hotline.

And tell them exactly what you've told us, and they will help guide you.

Your father needs help. He needs to understand the damage he is doing to both you and your brother. In looking for help, yourself, you will be helping your father, too. He probably feels bad about himself after he loses his temper with you. Sometimes grown ups don't know how to raise children and they need advice. It's time for your father to look at what he's doing and to get some advice.

Answer 2

Okay. If you're comparing spanking to someone breaking into your house and trying to hurt you, you need a serious reality check. I have had someone break into my house. While I was there. I would take a spanking ANYDAY over it.

Spanking is not abuse. If your father is throwing your little brother down the stairs, kicking him, punching him, molesting him, leaving marks and bruises all over him. Then THAT is abuse.

You'll understand when you grow up and have kids on your own.

And a lot of people cuss on a daily basis. No, I wouldn't cuss at my child. I don't find cussing "Cool", but people do it all the time. You're in the 5th grade. You're just a kid. You probably got spanked for something you deserved and are trying to cry to anti spankers for sympathy. So, you can have a reason to scream "child abuse".. Spanking will never be "child abuse" unless you go too far. Depending on what state you live in, it is currently legal. Get over it. Be a good kid, and you won't have to worry about getting introuble.

When someone breaks into your house, you'll also see the difference. Especially if you're there when they do it. It's not all fun and games.

Answer 3

Actually, it is not wrong to give a four-year-old a FEW spanks WHEN NEEDED, but NO father (or mother) should be cussing, cursing, swearing, etc. .... neither at nor in the presence of the children. In fact, he or she should not be doing it at all.

You are 10 years old. You have a real problem, a very harsh home environment. If your mom is good and kind, maybe you could talk with her? If you don't have a mom, maybe you have an aunt ... like your father's sister ... who might listen to you and help you.

Calling the police? Probably not for "cussing". Mayby you should talk to your minister, pastor, priest, rabbi, whatever about that.

Calling the police? Depends on how often and how hard your dad spanks you. Depends on how often and how hard your dad spanks your brother. It is NOT nice getting spanked. But no dad should be BEATING their kids. There is a difference between a spanking and abuse. Cussing is verbal abuse, probably a very bad form of abuse. But likely police won't do much about that kind of abuse. However, physical abuse is another matter.

Answer 4

I think it's okay to give your child a spanking with your hand and not too hard just as a warning, however cussing at your child is verbal abuse and it needs to be stopped one way or another or it's gonna be okay for that boy to do it to other people. and it could end up being very painful for his children in the end because that can cause anger and escalade into violence. Stand up to your dad and tell him he needs to stop that, that you love him but you will protect your brother because that is not the manner in which to treat a four year old. They can only comprehend so much and he's taking a four year old into an adult fight. Tell him it bothers you, speak calmly and if he gets out of control then you need to seek help to get control of the situation. Don't take extreme measures just yet see if you can sit down and talk to your dad first.

Answer 5

There is spanking, and there is hitting. A spanking is a swat or two on the bottom. Hitting the child and not letting up is abuse. Spanking is not.

The fact that your dad is spanking is one thing, that's not abuse. The cussing, though, IS abusive, and if this is really being done, tell someone.

My husband and I spank our children when they do something so very wrong. However, we never cuss at them.

Answer 6

Ask a school counselor or a responsible teacher to intervene. This father is definitely abusive to his children. Taking action won't necessarily mean that you're family will be split apart (which is what a lot of kids in your position are afraid of). It will mean that your family might get a social worker or a therapist who will try to help your dad learn better ways of raising his children.

Listen to grrluknow. She has the best answer and knows what she's talking about.

While a lot of people say that spanking your kids every now and then is okay (and some say, beneficial), it really isn't. I've learned from a social worker that all the studies say that spanking is unnecessary and harmful to kids.

Answer 7

most states dont have laws against spanking, the general rule of thumb is....not in public, fully clothed, on the bottom only, no leaving marks. not sure where you live but heres a list of all the laws word for word.
http://www.familyrightsassociation.com/info/spanking_laws.htm

actually the yelling and cussing at the children is more wrong then the spanking, emotional abuse leaves deep long lasting scars.

Answer 8

I agree that there is nothing wrong with disciplinary spanking. When name calling gets involved and it's more than spanking it becomes abuse. Spanking on the behind is ok, but if there is hitting in other places and yelling in this child's face it's abuse.

Answer 9

Is your dad spanking him, or hurting him - like leaving marks? If it's just spanking that's ok, children need discipline. But if he is actually abusing your bro, like beating him and slapping him around and leaving marks on him, then that is something else to worry about.

Answer 10

It is WRONG for a parent to cuss at or in front of any child. However, spanking a child (With an open hand and only 1-2 swats, and not too hard) is not wrong. I have only had to swat my son's behind a couple of times, but I only do so when he is doing something dangerous, like trying to run out in the street, or grab knives out of the dishwasher. Normally just raising my voice (Not screaming) is enough to get his attention to stop him from doing something he is not supposed to.