GRR..he wont take care of our daughter?

Question

ok...so my bf dosnt think its his responsibility to take care of his daughter..... he says that jus him working should be enough and that he shudnt have to babysit her....ITS HIS DAUGHTER....ITS NOT BABYSITTING,ITS TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILD!!!..but how do i get him 2 help me...i cant do this alone...and i need him to help...my family helps ALOT..but i dont want to keep running to them for help...idk what to do...plz..how do i get him to help me? like...she will be crying in the night and he will just let her cry if i dont get up 2 c her....he told me that he was going 2 help me but...so far he hasnt....he wont feed her and he wont change her diaper..he wont give her a bath..he wont play with her...and i dont want to leev him...i feel like i am alone...wel..i am alone rnt i..wel...plz..jus let me no wat i can do 2 get him to help me...thanks to those who answer (nicely) !!

Answer 1

It sounds like he gets what he wants from this no-obligation relationship with you, however he sounds unwilling or too immature to accept the responsibilities that are a part of it.

Inform him that being a dad with children that truly love and respect him is priceless in this life and no amount of money can replace that feeling. He should want that in his life more than anything.

Since you have to watch your daughter constantly - without his assistance, I imagine you must get "very tired and burned out". Am I right? Perhaps your need to rest will become a greater necessity for you than sharing adult playtime with your boyfriend in the future. After a while...he should get the message.

If he doesn't respond after his own "needs" have been put on hold (due to your being exhausted from watching your baby all the time) and start acting like a father to help the ones who should be the two most important girls in his life, I'd say it was time for you to move on.

There are a lot of decent guys out there. If your boyfriend insists his only responsibility is making money, he can still be responsible just as he wishes and send you and your little girl child support payments every week for the next 18 years -- by mail.

Answer 2

Well i feel for you i have 4 and there have been alot of times that i was just left alone taking care of all them. I know it can be very hard and stressful you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel if you haven't done so already he should be helping you out he is the dad. If this still doesn't work then you should make some decisions. Does he even spend time with her during the day on his day offs. Later as your daughter gets older if he doesn't change she will notice all these things kids are smart and they know when a parent shows affection. Good Luck

Answer 3

i don;t really know have you pointed out that your job is 24 hours your constantly on call and its not really fair that you never get a break while he works 8 hours and then hes done for the day

you could try telling him that you are going to get a job opposite of his if he works days you'll work nite or if he works nights you'll work days bc you need a break or some alone time and he will be stuck watching baby for 8 hours every day

or that you could work all the time and he can stay home with baby and be responsible for her 24 hours and you can go to work then come home and sit on your *** while he does everything

i think if you nudge him gently he'll slowly come around you have had 9 months to prepare for your baby it only became a reality for him once you gave birth its gonna take him a while to relize that someone needs him and that he is not a child and can't just leave everything up to you its just not fair it usually take about 9 or 10 months both of my sisters went through this with their husbands and with my first son i had a little tift with my husband bc he wanted to go out all the time and leave me at home which is totally not fair and relized this and is a great father
MORAL boys are dumb sometimes it just takes them a little longer to figure things out

Answer 4

Hon, if he isn't helping you now, there isn't anything you can say or do to "make" him help. It will just push him further away.

Sounds like someone isn't ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. You didn't mention how old you were, so I'm guessing not very old.

Here's what I suggest....YOU raise your daughter and leave him out of the picture. Don't expect him to do anything, cause from the sound of it, he isn't going to. Other than that and leaving him, I'm not sure what you can do. There are lots of single moms out there...maybe there is a support group near you that you can go to for help?

IMHO I think you should boot him out and you and your daughter find your way on your own. There are lots of programs to help you....AFDC, WIC, MEDICAID....and they will help you with daycare, MD visits and even transportation if you need it.

Good luck honey.

Answer 5

umm this could be a problem.... first off, what is he doing on his free time? are you a stay home mom? cuz if you are, then its kinda your job... BUT when he is home... changing a few diapers and feeding dinner and giving her a bath while you clean the kitchen or something would be greeeaaat!! sit down with him and tell him how you feel.. if he doesnt consider your feelings, then i say just up and leave... if you can do it without him and have a supportive family there to help you, do it... you or the baby dont deserve that.. baby deserves parents who love her and want to care for her!

Answer 6

Hun i dont think there is anything you can do per say, he should just be helping you. I feel sorry for you, because the way you describe him he is a real looser. Maybe sit down and talk to him tell him that a real father does more than just work for his family. Good luck hope you can get him to help out. Maybe leave for a week, see if that opens his eyes? Godd luck

Answer 7

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I went through similar problems with my husband when my daughter was a newborn. He didn't really bond with her right away and so spending any time with her seemed like a chore to him. He wasn't interested in holding her, feeding her, changing her, etc... and so all the work fell to me. I felt so overwhelmed and alone, so I can totally relate to how you feel. But, gradually, my husband started to enjoy spending time with her, he started to really bond with her, and grew to love her deeply. Now she is a year and a half old and he LOVES her. I still do the majority of the care taking, but he helps out ALOT more. He takes a genuine interest in caring for her and I feel alot less alone. Even if he doesn't always do as much as I would like, he does enough so that I don't feel he is not invested in her. The thing that helped the most was helping him to spend quality time with her so that he could grow to love her. That meant that I tried to get him to be with her in fun times and not ask him to do the "chores" of being with her. For example, I would have him hold her when she was sleeping or tell him tickle her when she was awake, or show him how to play games with her that she enjoyed, instead of asking him to get up in the middle of the night, or change a dirty diaper. As he spent happy time with her, he grew to love her and he would initiate spending time with her on his own. Once he got to that point, I started asking him to help out with certain tasks a little at a time and I was very specific about it. For example, instead of saying to him "you never change her diaper" I would say, "would you be willing to do her 7pm diaper change every day?" or "could you agree to watch her between 6pm and 6:30pm every day so I can take a shower?" Asking really specific requests of him made him more willing to agree and hold to what he said. Sometimes, he would say "no" and so, I would ask him to do something else instead. We negotiated it until he had agreed to help in ways that we both felt good about. I hope this helps. But, even if nothing works at all, know that children get easier and easier to take care of as they get older. Every month, it will get easier. So, just hang in there and remember that this too shall pass.

Answer 8

I'll tell you what you can do. Regardless of whether he helps or not your take the BEST care of your child that you can. Be the dedicated mother she deserves and keep her by your side at all times. You'll see that you can do it all without this guy, then decide if you want to stay with him. In the meantime pray for him to be transformed by God, if he has any decency his conscience will tell him to start helping you. If not he's a true loser and you're better off without him.

Answer 9

ask him if he wants to spend time with his daughter to get to know her better. call it daddy time or whatever. let him know that he is not very close to her and he should spend more time with her. if you make it seem less like a chore, he may come around. seems like he feels rushed into or scared by the whole situation. tell him you want to get a job and conveniently make it when he gets off work so that it is his babysitting time. that way he won't be able to make money an excuse. either that or do something like hire a babysitter while your home, when he asks why say "i need me time and since i can't rely on you i have to get someone i can trust."

Answer 10

Well why are you angry?It is not like he is married to you.He is just a b/f is all.This is the kind of guy YOU CHOSE to make a baby with!It is like you going to a pet shop, buying a rabid weasel then complaining because it bites you instead of jumps through hoops.Tell him to either start helping ,or you will find a guy who will while he pays child support.As far as getting up at night, thats YOUR dept if he works during the day,but he CAN play with her and bathe her and feed her some and change a few diapers.I did that and worked and went to school full time.