Y is it ok for guys to mess around, but girls are expected to wait 'til marriage?

Question

It's really stupid. A guy can flirt, talk to a girl, even go all the way(as long as he doesn't have a sheet a mile long), and he's still considered a good man to marry. But if a girl even entertains a man's notions(even if she has no intention of getting physical), she's branded as a girl of loose moral character...and the chances of her finding a nice guy to marry are slim. I'm not saying things contrary to this doesn't happen(particularly with ppl going abroad and coming back for marriage...and others consenting because they want better monetary rewards for their kids), but this acceptable norm still prevails. Doesn't society relize that these guys are sleeping with girls? U know, since its wrong to be gay, and going to a prostititute is wrong on so many levels...a guy nees something he can brag about right, so he shacks up with the neibor girl, saying whatever he could to do so....but then she might never get a good suitor, just because of her one little mistake, while the guy

might marry a "good girl". Nothing or no one is perfect in society. I know everyone is trying for that perfect fit. But if it takes two to tango, why only judge one person so harshly? Then there's the "first night" expectation, y? I mean, there are many ppl who ask how one's first night went, and u wonder y they want to know. Does society really think that a girl who's not even supposed to know what sex is, is just going to be ready to f a guy that she married a month after meeting him? WTF? I'm not saying that stuff doesn't happen, I'm just asking y society not only expects, but holds it's young ppl to these standards that are nearly impossible anymore.? Honest answers plz, no need to be mean. I mean, is it just because it's a man's world or is there more to it than that? plz explain. thanx.

This is just a general question, because the views that are in question here, are in a guys; favor. I by no means meant to imply that ALL guys mess around, just that if they do, it's ok. In the eyes of all societies; but the question was mainly directed to...but not limited to...Indian guys, and girls. But ALL opinions are welcome. thanks.

Answer 1

well its sure for this one reason that guys can get off without a bruise is bcos they dont get pregnant! ...and only girls have to worry abt it.

Answer 2

Yes, I agree with all your comments.

Whether one accepts it or not, specially in Indian culture, a boy is given freedom to roam around and basically do anything they want. No questions asked. Whereas, a girl is now allowed, in most of the cases to go alone for a late evening party (forget night parties) unless she is accompanied by a trusted friend, neighbour, etc.

Yes, we do have double standards. But I think that is changing with the evolvement of society, specially in Metropolitan cities.

Education is the key issue here. Feeling of equality comes with that. I am educated and so are my all friends, all are married and sure understands that to expect a "virgin" may not be any longer possible, for both the parties. We understand the circumstances, which leads to such situation, and frankly, may be also because most of us had affairs before marriage, some were physical too.

To resolve the problem, my self and my wife had decided on the first night itself that life before marriage was individual's life and we are committed to each other from now-on, completely. We are very happily married since then (more than 10 years now).

If all couple can commit to themselves that after marriage commitment shall be respected, then it may cure the problem up to certain extent.

It will take some time before education changes such wrong perception about girls while allowing boys to do anything they want.

I am an optimistic, so will always wait for that to happen.....

Answer 3

whatever is said and done the physical apparatus is much deferenciasted between man and woman whereby the carrier of anything of any sort is the woman. Ultimately she stands to get recognition in the eyes of the society. So before falling down the woman has to think twice, thrice , that there will be no more falls by other means. If the needle eye does not allow the thread can not enter in. If somebody has to be blamed for this it is the creator. If the union is permitted in the form of marriage, all recognition is bestowed. This is a question eversince man started living in a civilised society.

Answer 4

Forget about what society says and do what is right in your mind. Sometimes we have to break away from what society thinks of us as that puts too much pressure on us. People will talk anyways so let them and dont let it bother you.
There is no such thing as the perfect guy or perfect woman. Everyone has their own inadequecies and we must learn to adjust with them in order to live peacefully. In Indian society guys do get away much more than the girls. If you can show me a perfect man then I'm Mickey mouse. i am a guy and I know that i am far from perfect.

Answer 5

What you are saying is correct. But in India thats it. There's no appeal. People, boys are stupid.
But now things are changing. Boys now a days believe that the girl they are going to marry may not be a virgin and they are accepting it.
So, dont worry. We Indians are marching ahead on a war footing. We will also not mind all these petty things (boy shacking with neighbour girl or girl shacking with neighbour boy) just like in the western countries.
OK. It takes alittle time to come to terms and we Indians are doing/accepting it.
No way for us, or else all the boys and girls will remain un-married and all the boys and girls will go on shacking each others neighbour.

Answer 6

nice question,,,
Expectations are set by the people themselves for the people. In this case it is more of the behavior pattern that is bothering us. Since u urself admiited that all boys are not alike and girls are no less. We must admit that gender bias society is fading very rapidly with the awareness of equal sexual rights.
Guys can mess around because their is no way to detect their innocence and this gives them an added advantage over gals. This is a choice - some guys enjoy it and some don't.
Girls expectation is laid down by the family to stay true to the husband for the simple cultural reasons. Now its totally upto her to follow it.

Answer 7

Because it is a double standard. And despite what guys say, it is all about respect anyway. He wants to marry someone he respects, and won't marry someone stupid enough to sleep with a lot of guys.

Women have similar double standards at times. They all say they want a "nice guy" but they get excited by the Bad-boy types, and overlook really great bookish guys heading for the 'exciting/dangerous' ones.

It is life. There are exceptions to every rule. Go find a guy whom you like, and marry him. If he loves you, he won't care that you aren't a virgin, but have the good sense to wait until you are married to sleep with him. You will both be happier in the long run.

Answer 8

First off.. it's not okay for guys to sleep with every girl that walks by. Second... girls don't have to wait til marriage. Third... this way of thinking is stereotypical and it was created by society. Anyone who sleeps around with numerous people is disgusting, and discrace to all mankind... they're part of the reason for why there's so many sexually transmitted diseases!

So have your own beliefs and morals, don't share the beliefs of most of the ignorant people in the world.

Answer 9

It is always considered that females to be week and they often depend on one or the other male through out the life. Though the story would be same to even her counterpart in other parts of the world, but in India, People are way behind, in education and girls are not so indipendent as in western world.
Its because of this females often loose their chance to enjoy sex, or other way till they get married.

Answer 10

How would you like to change? Looks like you are a victim of all that is going on, good to know that you feel you are not treated very fairly, you are also part of society and you think different which means you surely dont approve of how society treats women, ask your self how you like to be treated, if you change what changes do you want in your life, how are you going to face oppositions, how would you raise your own child. what is it that you will impart and what is it that you will not impart. This is how society changes. Yes society has its own rules but do you want to be part of the system that is so unfair to women?

Answer 11

first of all it's not wrong 2 b gay nd who sayz a girl isn't supposed 2 know abt sex. guys or girl, doesn't matter. v all need 2 b aware of it so v don't go around spreadin disease n so vknow the deeper meaning os luv. anywayz cuming 2 the point, i think our society haz a whole bunch of hypocrites. for ex, if a family has a son nd a daugter nd the son goes aroun messin wit other girls, everybody considers it normal nd the parents even knowing of their sons doings think their son deserves a good girl but if the daughter 4rm the same family does sumthing like tat, they accuse her of degrading the family's values nd not once they think of the girls who were romancing their son cud b like anyother girl like their own daugter. in short they think it's fine 4 everybody 2 point fingers at other girls who mess around as long as it's not their own daughter. as i said, thizsociety is full of hypocrites.