Does anyone feel that spanking is the right way to punish a 3 year old?

Question

I have a 3 year old and my father in law is constantly telling me to spanke him when he misbehaves, I will from time to time when he has done something very naughty. But not for everyday 3 year old habits. I know a lot you will disagree with me about the spanking thing, but I am not going to just hall off and beat my child for doing just what 3 year olds do. So what do you guys think "spanke or not to spanke??"

Answer 1

I think you are doing just fine. Sometimes YES Spanking is well deserved, If it works for you and your child. NO spanking should never be used in every situation. I mean the poor kid would be beat all day! My son gets spanked for instance in dangerous situations, or when he's done something he knows he shouldn't do and it could or did hurt himself or another person. Other than that time out works for him....3 minutes long because he is 3 years old...You're his mother! You do what you fell is right. Don't let judgements or "suggestions" detour you from what you know is right and working for your child! Good Luck

Answer 2

Wow - some diverse comments so far.
My two cents - there is a difference between a spanking and a beating. A spanking that results in bruises has crossed a line in my book. You know your child best and your own abilities as a parent. How do you feel after you spanked your child? How do you think your child feels? Did the ends justify means? I have spanked my child on rare occasions because, at that moment, I felt I had no other option and I am a firm believer that physical discipline is better than no discipline at all. There are lots of ways to discipline a child I would recommend using as many other ways as possible before using physical discipline. I would also suggest that you always use your open hand never an instrument. Your hand can feel the impact just as your child did, with an object you may be spanking harder than you realize. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

spanking and beating your child are two totally different things and i don't understand why a lot of people can't grasp this concept.
i pretty much have the same way of thinking as you.
i will spank my 3 year old whenever nothing else works. which all i do is give him 2 or 3 swats on the butt. it's through layers of clothes and i think what makes him cry is the fact that it hurts his feelings because he knows i'm disappointed in him. i know for a fact it doesn't physicall hurt him because when i play around and pat his butt like before baths or something (cause it's so darn cute!) i'll get him just as hard as the spankings. and with these pats he runs around laughing.
i don't spank him a lot. only as a last resort. and i don't do it all the time because i did do it more often than not for a while and started going around hitting others. but now doing it, like i said before, as a last resort he doesn't hit others.
do what you feel is right. tell him the way you raise your child is the way you feel is best. thank him for the imput, but tell him that's not for you and you'd appreciate it if he'd stop offering it. or tell your husband to talk to him.

Answer 4

I think spanking sometimes is needed. I have a 2 yr old & i don't beat my child or anything, but when she does something very bad repeatedly then yes I give her a little spank on her bum. I warn her not to do it, then if she keeps on it's time out then finally it'll be a spank. It almost never comes down to that though time out works wonderfully. no longer than 4mins depending on the severity. I started it when she was about a year and a half & now she's pretty well behaved. She doen't have tantrums at all & I'm always getting compliments on how well she acts. I think the main thing is to be consistant & start young. also both parents have to enforce it. I don't sweat the little things because like you said kids will do what kids do. when I see it could turn ugly i tell her to take a deep breath & comically show her how, she gets a kick out of watching me do it & everthing's fine again. Play w/ him & have patience & he should be fine. good luck:)

Answer 5

I say spank sometimes, not all the time, and not when visibly angry. I would try other things first, like time out. (I think you have a good idea about not spanking for every day three year old behavior, but doing it for something very "naughty"). Most people here seem anti-spanking though, at least from responses to other spanking questions.

edit: Spanking is not the same thing as "abuse" - stop watching so much Oprah. And you are not teaching your child it is okay to hit someone because you are upset. You are teaching them that there are consequences to bad actions. This is why I said, don't spank if you are visibly angry. And just becuase it's someone's opinion that it's not okay, doesn't mean it's not okay (that works both ways....)

Answer 6

Here's my take on it: Every child is different. Some children don't need to be spanked...you CAN just "speak sternly" with them and that will work. Others it JUST DOESN'T WORK. Anyone who actually has children would know this. I think you have it right....there is a difference between "normal 3 year old behavior" and just being rotten. My 2 1/2 year old son gets a swift "pat" on the butt when he knows better or I have to tell him something over and over again in a few minutes time. Children definitely need discipline, and it really just depends on the child as to how you do so. If you feel that you need to spank him or her, then do so.

Answer 7

I don't think it matters what your Father in law thinks. You and your husband are raising this child, not your in laws. You do what you think best and don't let anyone push you into anything. Your FIL sounds like a very impatient person if he is constantly telling you to spank your three year old for just being a three year old. I think you and your husband should be very careful about leaving your child or children with this man.

Answer 8

if you feel comfortable with spanking him then go for it. it should only be a few good swats on the bottom. time-outs are acceptable too for those "normal 3 year old habits." i know my mother would spank me for anything naughty i did when i was 3. still i would spank him but that's just me.

Answer 9

No way. I dont think it's appropriate EVER to hit your child. Spanking is more an outlet for the parent than a learning tool for the child. I was spanked as a child, and that never worked to deter me from something (I'd only get sneakier). It only taught me to despise my father who's essentially only interaction with me was to smack me. Great parenting skills! All this nonsense about children being more misbehaved these days because they haven't been spanked as children is just that, nonsense.

Answer 10

Not to spank. There are many discipline methods/philosophies to choose from, and consistency is key. Spanking is simply unnecessary.

We have chosen logical, natural, or related consequences when possible and time out/removal from the situation when no logical consequence is apparent. Lots of praise for good behavior also seems to create more good behavior.