Help Wanted - Should I, at 58 yrs. old, adopt my niece's baby.?

Question

Help, I need your honest opinions: Should I, at 58 yrs. old, adopt my niece's baby? The baby is due in December 2007. My niece has Attention Deficet Hyperactivity Disorder and was abused as a baby, by her dad (who was convicted and is in jail). Anyway, I would need to quit my job, vacate my apartment, sell my belongings and drive to Florida and wait for the birth of the baby. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Is this move what I need in my life? Am I taking a big risk? WHAT SHOULD I DO? One more important thing to add, I have never been a "parent" even when I've wanted to while married. I was married twice and now I'm divorced. There is nothing keeping me where I am - I am free to travel, however, will need to find employment where ever I choose to live. I will accept all sincere opinions and suggestions. I have started packing up my apartment just in case your YAHOO! ANSWER favors highly. HELP me make the correct choice. Thank you.

Answer 1

Wow! what a decision to make! Mmmm, its difficult. First things first, would you definately be able to adopt the baby? I am just wondering what would happen if your neice at some stage changed her mind? Will your neice live with you and baby ? As you have no reason to remain where you are now i don't see any major problem in moving to Florida. Are you sure you can get work where you are going? I recommend looking now for work, at least then you might be able to have a job set up ready to start, which means you will feel more secure. What about childcare costs? Finances are important to consider as you know. Re the fact that you haven't been a parent before, i don't think this matters. You are obviously very kind hearted to be thinking of doing this which is great; it would be terrible if the baby had to be placed into foster care. Can you work together with your neice to raise the baby; It would be good if she were involved in this to help you.

Overall, i think you must go with what your heart says in this case. If i were you, i would bring up the baby; it sounds like you won't have any major financial problems and i am sure you will be a great carer for the baby. It is far better for the baby to be raised by family than go into care. Only one last thing, think of your health; are you in good overall health.

Its a big big step to take but whatever you decide good luck. Florida is lovely, what a great place to raise the baby!!

all the best, Laura from London, England

Answer 2

You're 58 - the baby is due to be born.

So when you're 70 - the baby will be twelve.
When the baby graduates from high school, you'll be 76, 80 for college graduation.

Obviously the bottom line is what is best for the baby, and it sounds like the mother is not it. You did not mention the baby's father in your summary so that suggests he is not in the picture.

What are the other options? If you DON'T, then what happens? Does this niece have other siblings? Do you? Is the niece going to give away her baby and go somewhere else, or is she going to be part of the picture? And if she is, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Without knowing very much about it, I think you doing this alone is probably a bad idea. I also think leaving the baby with her mother is a bad idea. Can you involve more people? Can you broaden the choices, the options? I hesitate to involve governmental agencies but what about other sources of aid - Catholic Charities, Jewish Relief (whatever your connection) - there has GOT to be some way to save the baby without sacrificing yourself (which is different than your making a sacrifice)

Good luck

Answer 3

This is a huge task. If you've never had children then you have no idea what an enormous life change this will be. I understand you want the best for that baby and your niece but maybe taking this baby with you isn't the best. Ask any 20 y/o mother or 25 y/o mother out there how exhausting being a mom can be, specially the first years. Why don't you take in both, your niece and her baby, that way you can share the task and your niece can learn how to be a good mom with your support. This child may also have ADD and hyperactivity, can you imagine the size of the task ahead of you? If taking them both with you isn't an option then the best would be to find a young family looking to adopt....Good luck.

Answer 4

Sorry, I do not think you should adopt this baby. You will be 68 by the time this child is 10, and it is just not fair for the child to be raised with such an older person. It would be better if the child were adopted out to a young and vital family. Please do not take offense, but you should not give up everything you have to do this thing that may or may not work out. Let the child have young parents that want and can afford a new baby in their lives. I think it would be selfish of you to adopt this child and all the responsibilities that come with having a baby and young child around.

Answer 5

Number 1 how does your neice feel about this arrangement and I will be honest with you I see no pro's in your list of life sacrifices in order to raise this child. If you have to sacrifice so much you may end up resenting the child. Lastly I am 32 and I have trouble keeping up with my kids, I can tell you right now I would NEVER start over again and have more kids I am glad I had them young because now I have the rest of my life to live while I can enjoy it, not have to sacrifice.
On the other hand I have ADHD as well, it is a genetic affliction and I also have an ex husband who committed suicide. I have 3 kids, and I am a single, HS Drop out, mom who works saving lives everyday, dont underestimate your neice. Help her without paving the way that she needs to pave as she goes.

Answer 6

I would do it (for sure) and if you think your niece could be a good parent at a later date then keep her close (but not too close like living with you or anything) at hand because you are older and if you pass away when the child is still young he/she will need someone to pick up the pieces. If you think your niece will not be a good parent later then find someone younger than you to fill that role of replacement parent (not living with you) if you should pass away before the child is of majority. This is a wonderful chance for you to take care of a child who may not have a chance otherwise...you are very, very lucky, do not give up this opportunity.

Answer 7

Since your niece has ADHD it might be hard for her to take care of the baby, but does it still affect her??? And she may actually want the baby. Maybe if you could, put your job on hold for 2-3 monthes and live with her. Help her take care of the baby, untill she finds a nanny, or someone to hep her take care of the baby. I think this way you can help her during the roughest times and everything, but then hopefully she will learn on her own. Doesn't she have a husband or the babies father??? I think t would be too much of a risk to go down to FL and help the baby.

Answer 8

the way I comprehend this is the 15 300 and sixty 5 days previous desires to place the newborn up for adoption. a annoying call yet perhaps maximum suitable thinking his family contributors. in the experience that your niece needs adoption additionally what his mom needs is irrelivant. If "His mom" desires to undertake the toddler i anticipate there'll be some form of a house study, looks like they gained't bypass. tell your niece and her ex, to boost the forget, abuse, feeding schedule, broken bones and something they might without mendacity in the event that they're attempting to maintain the toddler faraway from his family contributors. What does her family contributors say?

Answer 9

You should adopt the baby. The baby is your family. I dont understand though why your neice cannot keep the baby just because she has adhd. Is she on meds. If not could she get on them so she could keep her baby. If she cannot, You should definantly keep the baby to keep him or her in the family where he or she belongs. Also, you wanted a baby at some point and never did have one. If me and my husband died today, I would leave my babys to my aunt who is around your age. You are taking a big step but it is definantly worth it. Your neice should also get her tubes tied too when she has the baby. Good luck to you, Im sure you will make the best decision.

Answer 10

Sounds like you have already made up your mind. Obviously the baby will need a stable environment and it seems that you can provide it. Is there any other family in Florida that can help you since you have no previous parenting experience? Not that you need experience to raise a child. After all, first time mothers have no experience.
Good luck.