Self-Absorbed Church - what should my response be?

Question

hi
I have been a member of my church for 4 years. I have been extremely active in my church and I attend regularly. I've also talked to leadership about what I perceive the problems to be are, and they are in complete agreement with me, and they are equally frustrated. Essentially the church is very immature and very self-absorbed. nobody interacts with people outside of church, and they don't interact with people outside their own family when they are AT church. Most people don't look at each other in the eye and they rarely connect with each other. People don't socialize before and after church like they do at most churches. I stand in the back andd i watch, and I stay pretty much until I"m one of the last ones there. I talk to everyone. People pretty much make a bee line for the door. If they have a social or someting like that, almost nobody comes, and the ones that come only communicate with thier own family. The problem for me, is how long do I keep trying and trying

and still not be included. but it isn't just me, other people are in the same way - other people aren't including each other. I'ts not a good situation for me, but in some ways I think they need me. but I'm not so sure what I should do. I just don't see it changing any time soon..

I have never been in a church that was so incredibly introverted, and I'm an extrovert and I can't relate.

I don't know if my being there helps or not. The pastors seem to really want me there except the senior pastor who really doesn't like anyone. Everyone seems to like me and I like them when I'm there, bu that is as far as it goes.
How do you know what to do. I've prayed a lot.

also my wife died recently and that's a big part of this, they obviously don't know how to handle death. But it's more than that. I just don't know what. They really are content not speaking to anyone else unless it is their family, and I think I need to be respectful of that. but that doesn't help me any.

Answer 1

Hello. You need a church that can be a community in which you feel at home. It does not appear that most of the other people in your church feel the same way. I don't know what church means to them -- maybe just going through the motions of what they think they are supposed to do.
I can understand what you are saying about their needing you as well. But their behavior isn't something that's been recently developed, and the outreach of one or two people of good will is not going to change that.
I am sorry about your loss of your wife. You must be going through a diffcult time. It would help you personally if you found another church where people were more sociable. And there you would also be able to find others who would be open to being helped. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Many churches and members are (as the world) absorbed in their own world and want to associate with those who have their interest and social class.Churches focus mainly on families with kids and can afford to be involved in the church activities.
Single adults are usually ignored (unless they fill some role in the church).
I'm a widower also.I have also watched how churches work.
How is the parts of the body suppose to be toward each other?
1 John 3:16

Answer 3

i would leave.

you cant be a true christian if you are not willing to interact with other children of God.

Jesus wanted us to be charitable, but we cant even come close to that if we barely acknowledge everyone else's existance.

there are so many churches out there, and I wont tell you which to join, but church should be a second home where you have people that care for you.

im mormon myself, and when we moved here, the only people we could socialize with were from church because we didnt have anyone else yet.

good luck either way.