Serious question for all.?

Question

I want my son to decide for himself what feels right for him, spiritually.

What would you do if your beloved child came to you and said that the bible is the literal 'word of god'?

For all my postulating about giving our children choices, I wonder what would I do if he decided to be a fundamentalist Christian. I shudder to think of that possibility but I wonder what would I do.

I am sorry but I would have a serious discussion with my son and I would lay out all the contradictions found in the bible and appeal to his common sense.

I would love him no matter what but I would have serious doubts about his intelligence if he became a fundie.

Now let me specify that I don't think that all Christians are ignorant fundies. I know that MOST Christians are good, loving people who are capable of independent thought. I can agree to disagree and feel love and respect for many.

cookyduster that is exactly what I mean. I want to think for himself and I hope that I would not freak out if he became a fundie.

I am an imperfect human.

Great answer from Alan. Give my son the material to make an informed decision.

This is all conjecture, by the way, he told me a few days ago he does not believe in god.

Great GREAT answers.

Thanks.

dr 7 please read the entire question.

I did NOT say Christian. I said fundie. BIG DIFFERENCE.

Answer 1

Awesome question! I wonder how I would deal with the issue of religion with children myself. First and foremost, establish that he is your son and will always be loved, that as he grows to become an independent man his choices and yours will be different and that you will/can respect that fact. (later, religion may be a topic that can not be disscussed at family gatherings or at the holiday dinner table as a safe compromise- that's what I had to do with my family)

From your question I assume your son is old enough to read and comprehend adult level books (perhaps with a little help from you) I highly recomemd the book "Misquoting Jesus" by Bart D. Ehrman; the author was once a literalist Chirstian himself untill he tried to prove the Bible as infailable - history simply does not support the claims made form the pulpit. If Chirstianity seems to be the only route your son is willing to explore, Gnostic Christianity is a great place to go. It deals with the spiritual/inner path rather than the rule-formulating religoin, Timothy Freke & Peter Gandy have published many books from the Gnostic Christian point of view ("The Jesus Mysteries," "The Laughing Jesus"). You can find many books out there for comparing the basic teachings of religion, such as "The Best Guide to Eastern Philosophy & Religion" by Diane Morgan (personaly I perfer eastern philosophies/ spirituality- our coulture unforrunantly dismisses these too quickly, we are taught that god is outside of ourselves dispite the quote from Jesus that "the kingdom of heven lies within").
Good luck on your quest and keep love and respect by your side, you'll need them!

Answer 2

i am a mother and i love my children dearly.
i am a christian and thankfully I didn't muddle it too badly they have all turned into adults that I am very proud of.
I grew up in a family where Jesus was my best friend and we loved each others and loved others and tried to make a difference in the world. Think Walton's lol in the foothills of the smoky mountains........... that little church was the center of the community and it was and is a mayberry kinda of place When you come there you can feel love and spiritual peace from a hundred years of music, fellowship and love. I have travelled the world,been to some remote places and not so remote. Ihave been in some very dangerous places.
I have been on a plane going down fast. Trust me there are not athist on the way down. we got a miracle and landed safe.
I
I have travelled Thu Europe,Asia, south America, India and the Caribbean, I have been to all fifty states, each one rich with culture and diversity. I have spent time on vaarious Indian reservations........ still enjoy traveling. I can pack everything I need in one suit case and a carryon.

When i was younger i did some soul searching and it is okay to question and seek out the truth and find your faith, understanding and beliefs.
My faith is a little different than my parents and my kids are a little different than mine........ but that is okay . we disagree agreeably and respectfully.
They go Thu phases believe me! I have three children and how different they each are.lol They each are very successful in their fields.and wonderful human beings.
They each sought God and found their walk. You cant get to heaven by mom 's faith. That is between you and God.
You can make anything a cult and that scares me.
Beautiful lady if you only knew what i went thru when i was younger.
God gave me beauty for ashes!lol

People like Jim jones deceived ,some very educated sucessful people. I dont know your defination of a fundamentalist believer but i am a christian believer in the good book.........I consider as a parent my childs spiritual quest as one of the most important decisions in their lives.
I have serious doubts of someone's intelligence who would teach their child the bible is a farce....... respectfully disagreeing yours truly with respect and love


a bible believeing , intelligent, fundamentalist.
Judy!

Answer 3

For me, it gets down to the very basic which is Christ's teachings, they are a good guide (although a great prophet, I am not convinced he is/was a Deity). Logic demands the Bible itself cannot be taken literally as it has been written and re-written plus interpreted (and misinterpreted) in many languages from dead languages over centuries and many things/meanings are invariable lost in translation not to mention parts put in or left out to suit a group's needs. In my opinion education is the best way to go and my children are exposed to a lot of world and religious history, archaeology, sciences...etc.. which we watch, read and discuss. As a parent and a person who has lived and experienced much more than a child I would definitely sit down and discuss and listen carefully why your child all of a sudden came home with a certain belief...the substance of the discussion would depend on the age of the child. But free choice is just that, free and must be allowed of course. From what you have written, I can tell you are a good parent.

Answer 4

It would be a sad moment. There wouldn't be much you could do. Up to that point in your son's life you will have exposed him to many ways of thinking. You will have shared your views of kindness and tolerence and acceptance of other's thought. You will have exposed him to many different ways of thinking which, you'd hope, would show him that people can legitimately reach different conclusions. you'd have shown him the similarity between religions and the differences so you'd think he'd be more likely to realize that no one religion is absolutely right an all others wrong. So if he then became a fundamentalist/literalist, there'd be little left to do- you'd already have given it your best shot.

Sometimes, though, kids choose a course opposite of their parents just to show rebellion and establish an identity of their own. All you can do is show that you accept whatever choice they make. You might have to stop discussing religion because of all the rancor it would cause. But your son would stay your son and there are plenty of fundamentalists who, although they embrace a religion we don't like, are decent, kind, loving people. If it happened you'd have to try to focus on what's best about him and hope that someday he grows out of a restrictive religion.

Answer 5

I would say, "Good -- if that's what you believe, it's fine with me."

Any parent who gives their children choices is eventually going to face a day that the child has chosen something different than they would have. That's the day when your objectivity either makes or breaks, and that's where I see a problem with what you're saying.

I think there's a contradiction in giving him the freedom to choose and your "serious discussion" with him if he decided to take the Bible literally. You sound like a great parent, but it would be hard for anyone to remain objective and not try to slant the discussion in favor of their own viewpoint. It's just human nature to want our children to make the best possible decisions. . .and we usually tend to think that's what we would choose. :-)

If you want to retain your credibility with your son, I think you would almost be obligated to say, "That's your choice, and I respect it." Otherwise, he would probably come away with the idea, "It's OK to make my own choices, as long as they're the ones that Mom or Dad agree with. What a bunch of hypocrites!"

Think in terms of the landlord who told the tenants that they could paint the apartment any color they chose, as long as it was blue. I think it's the same principle here.

Answer 6

I think that as long as you show your love and compassion for your son, you will never go wrong. My friend was raised in a home where her parents would not allow her to attend a church until she was older because they didn't believe in terrifying a child with hell fire and all that stuff. She is my spritual guru (we laugh about this a lot) now and I have learned soo much from her. She embraces all spiritual walks and has her own path. I don't think that you will be in any danger of having a fundie son.

Answer 7

I would approach this just as I would any false statement. Gorgeous, I know you've read the Bible... so you're right for saying that you also know the inconsistencies. Children's logic is often what starts toppling religion... so use that. Ask him how Noah got two of every animal on board his ark, then help him recognize just how vast the animal kingdom really is. Also ask him what these animals ate for 40 days and 40 nights (plus the time spent waiting for the waters to recede), if not each other. Surely there isn't enough room on the ark for the animals AND their food! Plus, what about carnivores? Lions and Tigers and such? They aren't taking a bale of hay, are they?

Also, ask him if he thinks flooding the world to kill off everything except for Noah, his family, and only but two of every animal is really the actions of an All Powerful God of Love. Make him think about it. If you don't, no one else is bound to. That's how this mess got started.

Plus, you are planting the seeds for him to have the tools he needs to think logically--even if it means challenging majority rule.

Answer 8

If his Christian convictions were strong and say suppose he became a PhD. Would you still think him ignorant because he has religion?
I would almost bet you wouldn't say much to him if he became a violently anti-religious atheist, now would you. Atheists have faith in the non-existence of God w/o proof. Therefore there belief is unsubstantiated, and illogical. At least a religious person has a guide--the Bible.
Unfortunately for him he will learn your belief system or lack there of. And will derive his belief system from your obvious ignorance of religion. I pity you and your poor child.

Answer 9

I would handle the situation a bit differently.
I would point out that, while there is alot of literal history in the Bible, surely there is quite a bit more. Poetry, philosophy, allegory...the Bible is rich in all sorts of literary forms.
One must learn to appreciate all of these things, in order to get the whole message God is trying, through these inspired, but very different men, from very different times, is trying to convey to us, today.
I am pretty sure that no child of yours could be "ignorant"...just as none of mine are, of course.
Therefore, if he goes through a "fundie" stage (God help you), my advice would be to just ride it out.
Thank God I have the refuge and the power of prayer. Cuz one of mine actually did go through the whole "fundie" thing...
I'm still shuddering...

Answer 10

This is what comes of letting children "make their own choices."

If one leads by example, includes one's offspring in the spiritual life of the family (novel concept outside xianity, apparently) and above all, *discusses* the foundations of one's own belief---the why, the how, the beauty, the mystery, the depth---then one has prepared them to think about ALL religions and forms of spirituality. One has *passed down the family culture,* which is one of the things humans are supposed to do.

If after that they STILL turn fundy . . . well, as Bill Cosby used to say---you brought them INTO the world. You can take 'em back OUT. :-)