Does my GF have a depression problem?

Question

It seems about every 2 months or so my GF breaks up with me. She usually has the same reasons every time. It usually breaks down to her "not loving me" anymore and she says she has felt that way for awhile each time.

When she breaks up with me its usually random and unexpected. She usually just wakes up one day and decides she doesn't love me it seems.

Our most recent (and current break up)

Last week we were purchasing our first home. We were extremely excited about it, however very stressed about if we could afford it or not. Then we had it inspected and it had a lot of mold problems so we decided not to purchase the house. We were planning on getting married in the back yard this fall aswell.
Shes had 2 miscarrages. The day before she broke up with me said said she wanted to try for a baby again because she kind of felt like she could do it this time... I asked her why she felt that way and then she got a sad look on her face and just said because it seems everyone else is pregnet.

When she breaks up with me she is very cold and unreceptive. She won't talk about things and she is just very hard headed and says she has made up her mind that she has felt this way for awhile.

Mind you this comes from the girl whom always tells me shes loves me and that I make her happy just about every day. She has awknowledge in the past that she has a problem, however we thought it was just sever PMS.

When she does this it typically only lasts up to a week and then she wants back together. However durring that time I usually beg and plead with her to talk to me and forgive me. Because I usually feel like its my fault.

She tears me apart every time she does this. We have lived together in our apartment for about 9 months. This has happened a couple times since we lived here. This is the first time she has actually moved out.. We broke up Wednesday night, she went to her mom's friday and moved out saturday. She said she felt like she was doing the right thing.

In the past when we got back together she tells me she is sorry and she never wants to talk about what happened. I'm suppose to just ignore that it ever happened..

I don't know how to take this. Each time she does this she says that she felt bad for me the time before and thats why she got back together with me. But we are happy when we are together and she isn't like this.

Maybe I should just accept that she really doesn't love me? Or should I expect history to repeat itself and this time follow through with getting her help?

Everyone is telling me to not talk to her, to not plead with her like I always do. But I'm afraid if I don't then she truely won't come back. Is it best if I don't say a word to her? Typically in the past after a few days I was able to calm her down and break her shield/hard head down enough to talk to me. But its a huge drain on me being rejected until she talks. Will she just come to me when/if shes ready?


I apologize for this post, I have not slept or eaten very well since this has happened. Any advice would be appreciated.

I forgot to mention that depression runs in her family. Her mom suffers from it badly. There are times that she turns herself completely away from everybody including her own family. But when shes normal you can tell how much love she has for her family.
Her mom is suppose to be on meds.

Answer 1

Don't write her off, but give her some space. What it sounds like may be happeneing, is that she breaks up with you, you beg and plead with her, she feels guilty (even though she wants the relationship to end) and caves to come back to you.

Stop calling her for a shile.

If you keep calling and she keeps getting guilted into coming back, you are doomed to a never ending vicous cycle.

When and if she is ready to make the commitment work, she'll call you, until then, IF you find yourself at a a point where you HAVE to call, make it a short, "How are you doing, I was just checking on you" phone call, no emotions, no begging leading etc.

I also encourage couples to wait for a huge joint purchase.

Answer 2

From my experience, it is not a good idea to make any long term plans or commitments with a person such as this, ie, having a baby, buying a home. Your relationship is too unstable for such commitment. You are allowing your judgments to be clouded by your feelings. You have admitted how badly this separating cycle tears you up. No ,matter how much you feel you love, in all honesty in reason, is this the way you want to live your life? Do you honestly believe your own love can endure the constant pain of this happening? It is not right that we make choices for others. It is a fact that she is in need of help. to what degree, is unknown, but you cannot force her to seek this help. In order for it to do any good, she must desire the help herself. The choice to endure this cycle of pain is yours. It's possible, with your unconditional love, she might come around but the odds are against it. My own choice would be to tell her that I cannot endure the constant pain she puts me through and I think it best if we both find someone who makes us truly happy.

Answer 3

Sir?

She needs help of the psychiatric type and you both need relationship counseling. The fact you were even CONSIDERING buying a house with her scares me to death...until she is stable, healthy and able to make a long term commitment.

Answer 4

She needs to resolve her issues before you two commit to each other. You may have seperate for her to do this.

She needs to get help fom a therapist.

If you have children it will put more stress on her and your relationship.

Get a copy of Dr. Phil's book on Relationships.

Answer 5

Ive seen girls who use to do this and I use to do it too but not to her extent. For me, it was because I wasn't 100% happy with the situation I was in but I was complacent and it was a good situation (ie. The man made enough to support me and give me what I wanted in life but I didn't want him specifically) so I would leave him or be a jerk to him then beg for him back...but i grew up a lot.